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Ziff it to the Limit is a premium side questline that was released on December 19, 2018, for the A Simpsons Christmas Special 2018 Event. It requires the premium character Young Artie Ziff.

Quests Edit

Quest Requirements Time Reward Triggered By
Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 1 Make Young Artie Ziff Try to Counter the Argument 4h Cash100
XP10
Young Artie Ziff
Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 2 Make Young Artie Be Tongue-Tied for the First Time 8h Cash100
XP10
Young Artie Ziff
Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 3 Make Young Artie be Creatively Creepy 4h Cash100
XP10
Young Artie Ziff
Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 4 Make Artie Ziff Dominate at Debate 8h Cash100
XP10
Auto
Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 5 Make Young Artie Dance Like Marge is Watching 24h Cash200
XP20
Young Artie Ziff

Dialogue Edit

Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 1 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Young Artie Ziff Icon In conclusion, "public displays of affection" are detrimental to a high school’s mission, which is education. They should be outlawed and punishable by immediate expulsion.
Chalmers Icon Well put, Artie. And now, taking the “pro” side in this debate... Marge Bouvier.
Young Marge Icon While my opponent makes some excellent points, he ignores the fact that we are inherently emotional beings.
Young Artie Ziff Surprised Icon Not all of us! As an evolved teenager, my thought processes are entirely logical.
Young Marge Icon We students are supposed to be learning about all aspects of life. And one of those is surely love.
Young Artie Ziff Annoyed Icon Love is a chemical process in the brain designed to prompt organisms to reproduce. Right, my fellow teenagers?
Chalmers Icon An insightful and chilling argument, Mr. Ziff. I’m impressed and disturbed.

All Objectives Started Edit

Character Dialogue
Young Artie Ziff Annoyed Icon Seriously, Marge. I must have missed “Introduction to Love” in the school course guide.
Young Marge Annoyed Icon If you’ve never experienced love, Artie, then maybe you don’t know EVERYTHING.
Young Artie Ziff Icon An interesting proposition. Very well. I shall open myself to the feeling of love.
Young Artie Ziff Icon There! I have just retasked a region of my neocortex to run algorithms based on emotion, not logic.
Young Artie Ziff Surprised Icon Oh my stars. Look at those waves of blue hair. Look at those limpid eyes. Marge Bouvier is the embodiment of perfection!

End Edit

No dialogue.

Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 2 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Young Artie Ziff Surprised Icon What's come over me? Yesterday I was just your average, unfeeling, smartest teenager in the world.
Young Artie Ziff Surprised Icon Today my heart is pounding! I hear music that defies all description!
Young Artie Ziff Inlove Icon Everywhere I look, Marge Bouvier is there. I’m lost! A Ziff adrift!
Young Marge Happy Icon I enjoyed our debate today, Artie! You’re really smart.
Young Artie Ziff Surprised Icon I-I-I-I. Oh. Hmm. That is... er... der... duh... duuuuhhhhh....
Young Marge Surprised Icon ...
Young Artie Ziff Inlove Icon Guuuuhhhhhh...

End Edit

Character Dialogue
Young Marge Surprised Icon Are you okay, Artie?
Young Artie Ziff Inlove Icon For the first time in my life, yes! How shall I put this? My very loins are aflame with the inferno of masculine desire.
Young Marge Happy Icon Uh, okay! Whatever that means! Like I said, you’re a real smart guy. See ya around!

Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 3 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Young Artie Ziff Icon Get your head together, Ziff! Find something to take your mind off Marge.
Young Artie Ziff Icon Perhaps I should prove the Riemann hypothesis? No, too easy. I need something meatier...
Young Artie Ziff Icon I could perfect my cold fusion device. No, the last thing the world needs is limitless clean energy...
Young Artie Ziff Happy Icon What about some painting? Ah, yes. Painting, like joke writing, is truly mankind’s most complete waste of time.
Young Artie Ziff Happy Icon Out into the garden for some fresh air and sunlight!

End Edit

Character Dialogue
Young Artie Ziff Sad Icon *sigh* Painting is no use. Even my highly refined brushwork and impeccable gouache cannot capture Marge’s beauty.
Young Artie Ziff Happy Icon If I cannot escape her siren call, then I must make her mine.
Young Artie Ziff Happy Icon I wonder if she knows how lucky she is to have won the heart of Artie Ziff?!

Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 4 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Chalmers Angry Icon Artie, Marge. I want a good clean debate today. No mocking each other.
Young Marge Surprised Icon Why would I mock Artie?
Chalmers Icon Well, like you, he takes debate class, which makes him a tremendous nerd. Again, like you. Anyway... get us started, Artie.
Young Artie Ziff Happy Icon Thank you, Mr. Chalmers. Beautiful Margery, prepare to experience the greatest joy a woman can know...
Young Artie Ziff Happy Icon Having a man tell her she’s wrong about everything!

End Edit

Character Dialogue
Young Artie Ziff Icon In conclusion, let me reiterate that string theory, though a useful thought experiment, is ultimately unverifiable and therefore moot!
Chalmers Icon Marge, rebuttal.
Young Marge Surprised Icon I... I thought we were debating whether pollution was bad?
Young Artie Ziff Happy Icon Well, yes. But I thought you deserved to be dazzled by my grasp of abstract mathematical theory. You’re welcome!
Young Marge Icon Actually, I was... a little bored.
Young Artie Ziff Surprised Icon By Artie Ziff? Impossible!

Ziff it to the Limit Pt. 5 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Young Artie Ziff Icon Margery, I have wonderful news. I’m... interested in you. Congratulations! You are hereby approved to date me, Artie Ziff.
Young Marge Surprised Icon Oh. Uh, Artie, I didn’t realize your feelings ran that way...
Young Artie Ziff Icon Well, they do! Your every wish is thus fulfilled, and your future is assured. You will not die alone. How splendid for you!
Young Marge Surprised Icon Gee, I’m really not sure I’m interested...
Young Artie Ziff Happy Icon Then you soon shall be! Behold, the full glory of Artie Ziff!

End Edit

Character Dialogue
Young Artie Ziff Icon *panting* Shall we... shall we start planning the wedding?
Young Marge Annoyed Icon You seem very sure of yourself.
Young Artie Ziff Icon Wouldn’t you be, if you were me? Of course, if you WERE me, we’d make an even cuter couple!
Young Marge Surprised Icon ...I’m sorry, Artie. But the man I marry will be a gentleman AND a scholar. And he’ll have a full head of hair and washboard abs. *walks off*
Young Artie Ziff Surprised Icon *yelling down the hall* You’ll come around, Margery! Oh yes, you will! Or my name isn’t Artie Ziff!
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