You Better Not Cry
December 23, 2015
You Better Not Cry was a limited time questline released on December 23, 2015, along with the Winter 2015 Event's Act 2.
Upon starting it the player unlocks Maggie as a playable character as well as a new cutscene.
In order to start the questline, one had to build (not fully upgrade, though) all four upgradable buildings of the event's Act 2 (
Exotic Petting Zoo, Reindeer Burger Truck, Fortress of Lonelitude and Moonshine Shack) and complete the Oh Come, All Ye Vengeful questline.
Quests [ ]
You Better Not Cry Pt. 1
Marge Take Maggie to the Zoo
100 10 Unlock: Maggie
You Better Not Cry Pt. 2
Moe Repair The Fortress of Lonelitude
You Better Not Cry Pt. 3
Comic Book Guy Repair The Moonshine Shack
Comic Book Guy
You Better Not Cry Pt. 4
Cletus Repair The Reindeer Burger Truck
You Better Not Cry Pt. 5
Simpsons* Celebrate the Holiday (x5)
* Does not include
Dialogue [ ]
You Better Not Cry Pt. 1 [ ]
Start [ ]
"Look, everyone! Maggie's here! I have my little baby back for the holidays!"
"Let's take our little darling to all the festive attractions around town."
"Wait… whoa… wait… hold on… stop the train… was she gone?"
"Yes. I realized much too late that I was carrying around a sack of flour in a blue onesie this whole time."
"Sorry, Marge. I was just thinking that was something I normally would have done."
End [ ]
"The whole place has been vandalized!"
"There are monkeys in the wolf habitat and wolves in the monkey habitat!"
"What kind of animal would do such a thing? Surely not the monkeys!"
You Better Not Cry Pt. 2 [ ]
"Every time I think of what they did to my petting zoo, I just wanna run someone through a wood chipper and let the rats have a picnic on their guts."
"Huh-WHAAAA! It's all fixed!"
"Makes me suddenly feel bad for what I did to the comic guy's fortress..."
"I had to dump the petting zoo waste somewhere. On the bright side, it was exotic waste."
You Better Not Cry Pt. 3 [ ]
"Someone repaired all the damage to my fortress."
"I suppose whomever the evil villain, they're now trying to guilt me into making amends to Cletus and his moonshine shack."
"Not going to happen."
"Oh, no… empathy rising… must fight this feeling… can't recognize Cletus as… fellow human… being…"
"Uggfff! You win this time, Holiday Spirit, but we will meet again!"
You Better Not Cry Pt. 4 [ ]
"Now that my moonshine shack's been gussied up, I finds myself at a moral crossroads."
"When I got vandaralized, I did unto Krusty's truck what was done unto my shack."
"Now I'ze got a chance to fix the wreckage that was wrought. Cletus is gonna pay it frontways."
You Better Not Cry Pt. 5 [ ]
"Everyone's projects have been made good as new! It's a holiday miracle!"
"I'll admit, after my zoo got fixed, I felt lousy for what I did to the comic guy."
"And your act of valour inspired me to spawn an inner hero and do good by Cletus."
"-which is why I fixed Krusty's truck-"
"-but who done started this whole shebang?"
"Jeez, well, I saw that little baby crying over what I did to the petting zoo. I'd never seen a kid cry outside of watching my show."
"It really is a holiday miracle, thanks to my little darling Maggie!"