Wild Wild Willie is a side quest line involving the building Ordnance Express. It was released on May 03, 2016, during the Wild West 2016 Event.

Quests[edit | edit source]

Quest Requirements Time Reward Triggered By
Wild Wild Willie Pt. 1 Build Ordnance Express
Make Willie Shop For Guns and Ammo
4h
6h
Cash100
Experience10
Willie
Wild Wild Willie Pt. 2 Make Willie Impatiently Wait For a Gun 24h Cash100
Experience10
Willie
Wild Wild Willie Pt. 3 Make Willie Lie in Wait 8h Cash100
Experience10
Willie

Dialogue[edit | edit source]

Wild Wild Willie Pt. 1[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Willie Happy Icon.png Finally! There's a gun store in town!
Herman Angry Icon.png I've been selling guns here for ages!
Homer Icon.png And Bloodbath & Beyond came to town last year.
Willie Angry Icon.png Willie either can't, or won't, read. Willie forgets which. The end result is the same, Willie supposes.
Willie Icon.png Anyway, this store has a giant gun on the sign. So that's where I'm goin'!

Wild Wild Willie Pt. 2[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Willie Icon.png Is this the right gun for shooting squirrels on a busy kids' playground?
Squeaky Voice Teen Icon.png It's NRA-approved for just that use! With stopping power like this, you can make an awful lot of kids safe from terrorists. Add this optional hair trigger, and the safety really shoots through the roof!
Willie Angry Icon.png Willie's not out to protect kids! Willie can't stand the wee devils!
Willie Icon.png I need this gun to stop the squirrels from stealing mah twigs, string and lint. I'm trying to make a nest here, too, after all!
Squeaky Voice Teen Icon.png Ok sir, but there's a waiting period.
Willie Angry Icon.png Argh!

Wild Wild Willie Pt. 3[edit | edit source]

Start[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Willie Happy Icon.png Finally! I got me boomstick and it's time for a proper reckonin'!
Willie Icon.png Do these rodents really think they can outsmart Willie...
Willie Angry Icon.png ...just because their scores on standard intelligence tests are significantly higher than Willie's?

End[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Willie Icon.png Ack, I must've dozed off.
Willie Angry Icon.png Me gun! The rodent has run off with it!
Willie Icon.png You win this one ya' buck-toothed bedbug.
Willie Sad Icon.png Looks like Willie's movin' back to the culvert. Well, I WAS starting to miss the odor of pig farm runoff.
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