Make Ned Pray to the Sky Finger Make Stephen Hawking Roll His Eyes
8h 8h
100 10
Stephen Hawking
What's the Matter? Pt. 3
Make Stephen Hawking DJ Some Tunes
60m
100 10
Stephen Hawking
What's the Matter? Pt. 4
Make Stephen Hawking Ponder the Nature of the Sky Finger Make Ned Enjoy the Calming Numbness of Faith
8h 8h
100 10
Stephen Hawking
What's the Matter? Pt. 5
Make Stephen Hawking Wonder if He's a Simulation Make Homer Relax in the Brown House Make Alternate Homers Absorb Knife Thrusts (x4) Make Evil Homer Scheme
4h 2h 4h 4h
100 10
Stephen Hawking
What's the Matter? Pt. 6
Force Hawking Drive His Wheel Chair Up and Down Stairs
8h
100 10
Stephen Hawking
What's the Matter? Pt. 7
Make Stephen Hawking Fight for His Rights
8h
100 10
Stephen Hawking
What's the Matter? Pt. 8
Make Stephen Hawking Rocket Around Town
8h
100 10
Stephen Hawking
What's the Matter? Pt. 9
Make Stephen Hawking Think Without Getting Tapped by the Sky Finger Make Evil Homer Scheme
8h 4h
100 10
Stephen Hawking
Dialogue[]
What's the Matter? Pt. 1[]
Character
Dialogue
To understand the nature of the wormhole, we'll need to gather matter samples from a number of other universes.
Team Homer is on the job! And as coach of the team, I'll be in the coach's hammock.
Very well. You other Homers, travel through the wormhole and liberate a few items of exotic matter.
Liberate? That's one of my favorite synonyms for larceny!
We're stealing stuff?! Woo-hoo!
End[]
“
While these Alternate Homers are visiting your Springfield, keep sending them to Plunder the Multiverse!
”
— System Message.
What's the Matter? Pt. 2[]
Character
Dialogue
This exotic matter the Homers obtained is fascinating! What a boon to science!
That's nice, Professor Hawking, but the robots are still attacking! I know it's hard to see at this pixel resolution, but a lot of us have very serious wounds.
Well, there's not much I can do about that. We'll just have to get used to living in a world where a never-ending line of robots are continually murdering us.
Science offers no means to stop them.
Then it's time for prayer!
Oh, Lord.
That's the spirit, Professor! We call upon the Lord to smite these wicked robots! Everyone, bow your heads in prayer to the Almighty One...
The Sky Finger.
What's the Matter? Pt. 3[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
Seeing the finger of God smash the robots of science makes ya think, doesn't it, Dr. Hawking?
I'm always thinking! What does it look like I'm doing?
Don't have a cow, man! That's what I used to say as a boy.
The Sky Finger is not a god. It's a natural phenomenon, easily explainable by, uh, basic laws of physics that we don't yet understand.
Then how is it that the Sky Finger can make us do his or her bidding, with a simple tap of his or her mighty finger?
Let's just assume it's a him.
And that his cubicle is littered with vending machine pastry wrappers.
I respect your ludicrous blathering, Ned. But the Sky Finger does not control me.
End[]
Character
Dialogue
Okay. I acknowledge that the Sky Finger is an entity of power. But it's still not a god.
For no god would force me to spin records all day!
The Lord works in mysterious ways. Can I get an amen and a little more subwoofer?
What's the Matter? Pt. 4[]
Character
Dialogue
Whatever the Sky Finger is, it must be governed by the laws of science. To fall back on supernatural explanations means giving up the will to understand our universe.
Understanding is overrated. Just do as the Sky Finger commands, and enjoy the calming numbness of true faith.
Never! As an independent thinking being, I choose to exercise my free will and ponder the nature of the Sky Finger!
What's the Matter? Pt. 5[]
Character
Dialogue
Logic demands that we consider an alternate hypothesis. Perhaps we're all actually living in a simulation... a virtual world manipulated by the Sky Finger.
Like a video game?
No, nothing like that.
Professor Hawking, while you're gassing on, the robots are continuing their attack! Luckily it's mostly stab wounds so far. But still, the sheer quantity of stabbing is hard on people. Particularly the children.
Great, now I lost my train of thought. Homer, block as many knife thrusts as you can absorb while I consider whether I'm really just a simulation.
What's the Matter? Pt. 6[]
Character
Dialogue
I've come to a conclusion: I am NOT a simulation. For truly, any being capable of contemplating such a question is by definition sentient.
That's super.
I may never understand the Sky Finger. But that doesn't diminish my personal dignity.
What's the Matter? Pt. 7[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
I've come to a new conclusion: the Sky Finger is a Sky Jerk!
Blasphemy! Thou'st mayn't taketh the Finger's name in vain!
The Finger giveth and I giveth the finger.
Clever. But still blas-diddly-asphemous!
I'm tired of thinking so hard. And I'm tired of rolling up and down stairs! Haven't you people ever heard of a ramp? It was invented thousands of years ago! What kind of society has black hole generators, but no ramps?!
End[]
Character
Dialogue
By the power vested in me by the unelected superdelegates, I hereby decree that all buildings are now required to have ramps.
Thank you.
Let us bow our heads and pray to Sky Finger that such ramps might miraculously be built.
Oh, for Finger's sake! Just forget it, I'll use the stairs.
What's the Matter? Pt. 8[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
Perhaps I've been viewing this through the wrong lens...
Like that time I put on Milhouse's glasses and caught lice.
If the Sky Finger is an intelligent, albeit non-divine being, physics may not be the best approach to understanding it.
Instead, I need to employ that lowest of pseudo-sciences... psychology.
I take offense! Psychology is the most rigorous of the self-help infomercial sciences.
Sky Finger, it's time you and I had a serious discussion.
End[]
Character
Dialogue
Observation: this rocket chair makes ramps obsolete. And it's, like, totally fun!
What's the Matter? Pt. 9[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
I get it now! The Sky Finger is merely a cosmic child! A powerful being with infinite time to waste!
To keep the Sky Finger happy, we just need to offer it things to play with!
Just as the ancients offered up blood sacrifices unto the Almighty!
Yes. Except instead of a freshly slaughtered goat, we'll offer it digital shrubbery, brightly colored dumpsters, and other such treasures.
So science and religion are in agree-diddly-eement?
It's not an agreement! More of a, uh, covenant.
No fair, that's our word!
This is all well and good, but what about the army of bloodthirsty robots invading from another dimension?
I heard you the first time, Marge.
We'll let the Sky Finger play with the PolyVac. That'll keep its juvenile mind busy so I can think without him tapping me all the time.
End[]
“
This story will continue in the second act. For now, keep playing with the PolyVac; get more cool "treasures"!