We Didn't Start The Fire

We Didn't Start The Fire
Event	Crook and Ladder 2016 Event
Level Required	Level 15
Release Date	March 31, 2016
Number of Quests	11
Side Quests	After School Project Burn It All Down Hot in Here Woman on Fire

We Didn't Start The Fire is a limited-time main quest line released on March 16, 2016 for the Crook and Ladder 2016 Event.

Quests

Quest	Requirements	Time	Reward	Triggered By
We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 1	Make Flanders Move into the Brown House Make Springfielders Throw E.L. James Books on the Fire (x4)	6s 6s	100 10	Auto
We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 2	Make Men Volunteer for the Fire Department (x4)	6s	100 10	Auto
We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 3	Make Firemen Fight the Kwik-E-Mart Fire Collect Gold Medals (x300)	3h -	100 10	Auto
We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 4	Make Quimby Award a Medal Collect Gold Medals (x600)	3h -	100 10	Auto
We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 5	Make Firemen Fight the Police Station Fire Collect Gold Medals (x800)	3h -	100 10	Auto
We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 6	Make Firemen Fight the Elementary School Fire Collect Gold Medals (x700)	3h -	100 10	Auto
We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 7	Make Wiggum Declare the School Fire a “Cold Case” Collect Gold Medals (x700)	3h -	100 10	Auto
We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 8	Make Homer Demonstrate the Proper Way to Put Down...You Know* Collect Gold Medals (x600)	3h -	100 10	Auto
We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 9	Make Moe Rescue Cats from Trees Collect Gold Medals (x1000)	3h -	100 10	Auto
We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 10	Reach Level 26 and Build the Wiggum House Hire Ralph as a 911 Operator	- 2h	100 10	Auto
We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 11	Make Firemen Fight the Station Fire [x2]	24h	100 10	Auto

*If the player has unlocked Fireman Homer, it defaults to him and premium payment is given to the job.

Dialogue

We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 1

Character	Dialogue
	Chief, help! I was having a Christian book burning, and the works of E.L. James got out of control! People just keep adding more and more of them!
	Our next available appointment is Friday. Would you prefer 8 to 12 or 1 to 5?
	Friday?! But the fire could spread to my house -- I need it out now!
	Sorry, but we're backed up with fires. It hasn't rained once since this town was rebuilt, and everything's dried out.
	Then what do I do?
	What anyone around here does when they need somewhere to go.

We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 2

Start

Character	Dialogue
	Homer, this is ridiculous. We need a fire department.
	And who would I staff it with?
	New characters?
	Ha! They've already introduced everyone. Even characters who only appeared in deleted scenes.
	Why don't we volunteer as firefighters?
	And why would we want to do work for no money?
	Because if there's a terrorist attack that kills some of us, the ones who survive will get to comfort the widows.
	I'm in!
	Me too!
	Me three!
	Me four!
	Can I do this and still get paid as a cop?

End

Character	Dialogue
	Looks like we have our new Firemen!
	Alright, time to get us some hot widows!
	I'm just excited to get a few minutes away from mother.
	And a few minutes away from Manjula, the store and all eight of my children. Why eight?!

“	Get Apu and Homer new Fireman Skins! Unless you want them in Third Degree Burn Skins later on.	”
	— System Message.

We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 3

Start

Character	Dialogue
	The Kwik-E-Mart is on fire!
	Sorry, I was trying to dry my socks in the hot dog roller.
	I tried dousing it with Squishee, but it only fed the flames! The stuff's ninety percent propane.
	Ooh, our first fire! I'm gonna take a selfie of me fighting it for Springface!

End

Character	Dialogue
	The fire's out! My soul-crushing place of employment has been saved!
	Ah, but my picture didn't come out. The fire's all blurry. Let's start it again!

“	Fires are popping out all around town. Tap on them for Medals!	”
	— System Message.

We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 4

Character	Dialogue
	Well done, men. In honor of you saving one of Springfield's oldest structures, I hereby present you with this medal.
	This medal says “Pinewood Derby 2003.”
	Wahhh. Some “heroes” you are.

We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 5

Start

Character	Dialogue
	Help! Krustyland is on fire!
	I wonder who started that one. Hehe.
	We don't save places that take your money but offer only subpar services from people in stupid looking uniforms.
	Help! The police station's on fire!
	Omigod, let's go!

End

Character	Dialogue
	Chief, the fire was caused by the microwave in the break room exploding.
	Yeah, so?
	A microwave wouldn't explode unless it was used at least 100,000 times.
	Yeah, so?
	But there's only five of you who work there.
	Yeah, so?
	And you've only been working there for four years.
	Yeah, so?
	So that means each of you are taking 10,000 breaks a day in the break room.
	Yeah, so?

We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 6

Character	Dialogue
	I don’t get it. There are no hydrants in this town. What are you fighting fires with?
	With fire. That's a thing, right?
	Come on, Lisa. No four-year-old freemium game is gonna hire animators just to design hydrants.
	They haven't even hired someone to figure out how to make us walk in more than two directions.
	I know. Last night it took me fifteen minutes to get from the living room to the kitchen.

We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 7

Start

Character	Dialogue
	We've determined that the fire at the elementary school was set intentionally. So fess up, who started it?
	I did. It was the only way to get the asbestos out of school.
	I did. I had a book report due tomorrow.
	I did. I had book reports to grade tomorrow.
	I did. I wanted to die a Viking's death.

End

Character	Dialogue
	There you go again, awarding everyone medals just for participation.
	It's bad enough they make us do it in school. But sadly, I guess now it's everywhere.
	Thank you, EA, for contributing to the wussification of our culture.

We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 8

Character	Dialogue
	We know that a lot of you are playing games while smoking, um, you know...
	Only way to play it!
	Well, we just want you to be careful when you put down the, you know, in order to tap.
	Put it DOWN? I just tap with it!
	Okay. But for the rest of you, be sure to find a safe place to put down the... you know.
	Because one of the leading causes of house fires is, um, you know.
	And if you haven’t played Tap Ball while ‘relaxed’, you haven’t lived!

We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 9

Character	Dialogue
	I bet you firefighters are all really good at cooking chili.
	Nah, that's just a stereotype you always see on TV.
	How about that story that firefighters can always get free groceries?
	Nope. Stereotype.
	Really? Oops. For the past week I've just been taking my groceries without paying for them.
	So I guess I shouldn't bother asking about rescuing cats from trees.
	Ha! Please. Never happens in real life. Only in fictional portrayals!

We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 10

Character	Dialogue
	Hooray! Now we have a place to avoid our wives when we're not avoiding them by actually fighting fires.
	Wait... is the Fire Station now on fire?
	How could this happen?
	I was boiling some water to make ramen, since that's the only thing firemen know how to cook in real life. But then I got distracted answering all the calls from people reporting fires!
	We need to hire a 911 Operator.
	We need a lot of things. But first The Simpsons needs to make some episodes with new characters.
	Hey, I got someone for the job... and he already exists!
	Who's that?
	My foot's name is Jeremy!

We Didn't Start The Fire Pt. 11

Character	Dialogue
	Okay Ralph, just pick up this phone and say "Nine one one, what's your emergency?"
	*ring* *ring*
	Eight two banana, I got an owie on my breathing.
	Close enough.
	Now that we've got that figured out, there'll be nothing to distract us from putting out fires.
	Let's go back to the firehouse and celebrate.
	Oh crap, the firehouse!

Trivia

• The name of the quest is an allusion to the famous Billy Joel song We Didn't Start the Fire.