The bad news is that I hit him with my 4x4 and now is dead.
Apu's gift
Apu, tomorrow is my birthday. What are you going to give me?
You see that car over there?
YES!
A blender of the same color.
Biggest flaw
What is your biggest flaw?
I get into other people's conversations.
Homer, I'm asking Lenny!
Bob's sentence
Honey, how did your judgment go?
Judge Snyder has told me that 100,000 dollars, or three years in jail.
Really? You choose to take the money, do not be silly!
Business purchases
Have you heard? Mapple bought SpringFace for 8.5 billion dollars!
How silly! But if they could download it for free from the Internet!
Businessmen in the tavern
Mr. Burns, Fat Tony and the Rich Texan have a business meeting at Moe's Tavern. That day the Isotopes play, and the tavern is full of people watching the game on TV.
Friends, I have an idea to drink for free.
Fat Tony orders a beer, and a while later Moe approaches.
Fat Tony, you have to pay me.
But Moe, I've paid you before.
Oh I'm sorry. With so many people I am confused.
Later, the Rich Texan orders a beer, and a while later Moe approaches.
Mr. Texan, you have to pay me.
But Moe, I've paid you before.
Oh I'm sorry. With so many people I am confused.
Later, Mr. Burns orders a beer, and a while later Moe approaches.
Mr. Burns, you have to pay me.
But Moe, I've paid you before.
Oh I'm sorry. I do not know what's happening to me today. With so many people I am confused.
Wait, Moe. You have forgotten to give me the turns.
Directing a movie
What do you do?
I'm directing a movie, it's called "Assassin Sharks".
Oooh! What is it about?
About a dromedary that wants to be a singer...
Disoriented
Mom, at school, people say I'm disoriented.
Boy, your house is the one next to it.
Geography class
Milhouse, can you point out where America is on the globe?
Here. Is here
Very good. And now, Bart, can you tell me who discovered America?
Too easy, Mrs. Krabappel. Was Milhouse.
Gil finding job
According to your curriculum, you know 20 languages.
That's right, Miss.
And which one speaks better?
Speak, speak... none. But I know they exist.
Great inventor
I am a great inventor.
And what have you invented?
For the moment I invented the light bulb, the wheel and the phone.
That's a lie!
You see? I invented everything...
¿Hablas Español?
¿Tú hablas Español?
What do you say?
¿Tú hablas Español?
I do not understand you.
I ask if you speak Spanish.
Ah, yes, perfectly!
Handsome son
Dad, how does it feel to have such a handsome son?
I do not know, son. Ask your grandfather.
History exam
Nelson, how was the history exam?
No good. There were only questions about things that happened before I was born.
Homer bipolar
Marge, I think I'm bipolar.
Why, Homer?
Because I hate getting fat, but I love eat.
How was I born?
Dad, how was I born?
You? Well ... The stork brought you.
And how were you born?
I? My mother brought me from Paris.
And the grandfather how he was born?
My grandparentrs found him in a cabbage orchard. Why are you asking me these questions?
It's out of curiosity. And I just realized that in our family for three generations there has not been a normal birth.
!
In prison
And why are you in prison?
For the same reason as you: Because they not let me out.
Jacques' affair
Father, a few weeks ago I had an affair with a girl. And the following week I had an affair with her sister.
Well, Jacques, you've done well to confess.
Confess? I'm telling everyone!
Kang's joke
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
About what are you laughing at?
Is that to not get bored I tell jokes myself. And this latter did not know!
Mr. Moleman visits the doctor
Doctor, everyone ignores me.
The next patient, please!
Nail biting
Marge, I got my dad to stop biting his nails.
Really? How did you get it?
I've hidden his dentures.
Ned drowns
Ned Flanders was drowning in the sea. At that moment the Sea Captain appears on his boat.
Yarrrr! Do you need help?
No, thanks. God will save me.
Moments later, Duffman appears on the Duff Party Liner.
Oh, boy! Do you need help?
No, thanks. God will save me.
Finally, Ned drowns, and goes to Heaven.
God. Why you didn't save me?
You're idiot? I sent you two boats!
News
Last News. There is a wave of calendar thefts.
The guilty one sure that is convicted for 12 months.
Also a man has died when he hit against a mirror.
He saw what was coming.
Another man has been killed by a truck while he walk in the direction of the cinema.
Apparently he did not see the trailer.
Rocker
I'm going to be a rocker.
Are you going to play in a band?
No, I'm going to sell rocks.
Scary creatures
Scary creatures, what are you doing with my tractor?
Sow panic!!
Snake's theft
During the night, Homer and Marge hear noises at home and go down to the living room to see what happens. There they find Snake stealing.
I only came to steal, but as you have seen my face, I must kill you. Ladies first. What's your name, lady?
M-Marge...
Really? Oh... My granny's name was Marge too. I can not kill you. But yes to your husband. You, what's your name?
I? Uh... What's your grandfather's name?
Teddy bear
How much does that teddy bear cost?
30 dollars.
I'll take it! Here you have the money.
One moment. These are fake cash!!
Yes, and what? This bear is not real either.
The fastest horse
I have run 10 kilometers today.
Well... I have run 16 kilometers today
Yes? I have run 21 kilometers today
Amazing! A talking dog!
The future
I want to know the future.
Of what verb?
The memories of Cletus
I remember when I was a kid, at school I had a reputation as a liar.
Cletus, you never went to school.
Walk into the bar
A donut, Rabbi Krustofsky, and Marge walk into Moe's Tavern... and the donut is promiscuous.
(D'ohzinga!)
Walking the dog
Enjoying the ride, Little Helper?
Woof, woof!
Hey, where are you going with that pig?
It's a dog, Moe.
Shut up. I was talking to the dog.
What are you thinking?
Honey, what are you thinking...?
I do not know. Leave me a while. What are you? SpringFace?
World Ward II
Private Burns!!
Yes, my Sergeant!!
I did not see you yesterday in the camouflage test.
It's because I'm very good, Sergeant.
You take drugs
Otto, a little bird told me that you take drugs!
The one who takes drugs is you, who talk to birds!
