Character
Dialogue
"Lisa! A scary tiny dinosaur has escaped from the Springfield Jurassic Funstation."
"I've told you a million times, Dad, "The Jurassic Funstation" is something you made up entirely in your head."
"You're the one who told me that dinosaurs are feathered, scaly bipeds. So what's that?"
"A turkey."
Character
Dialogue
"Aah! It turned into a drumstick."
"It's the latest fantastic breakthrough from Monsarno labs! A turkey that turns itself into edible parts."
"Like all our riskiest genetic modifications, it immediately escaped into the wild."
"It’s an environmental catastrophe! What if they breed with wild turkeys?"
"... problem solved."
Character
Dialogue
"Whoa, Dad, you pulled out the deep fryer. Did the doctor warn you that your arteries might be de-plaquing?"
"Deep-frying is the best way to cook turkey. And potatoes. And twinkies."
"In fact, it’s the best way to cook everything but pork chops. "
"There is no wrong way to cook pork chops."
Character
Dialogue
"Mmm, deep fried deliciousness. The only way a turkey should be made."
"No, you should bake it! God told us when he made Moses spend 40 years baking in the desert."
Character
Dialogue
"Chief, we got a mob fighting downtown. Seems they're arguing over the best way to cook a Thanksgiving turkey."
"I have strong opinions about that! Let's go join in!"
"No, no, we're the police. We're supposed to stop mob fights."
"You're just saying that because your turkey recipe sucks."
"You don't even know my recipe. I have a great recipe!"
"That's it. Police mob fight."
Character
Dialogue
"Fry it!"
"Bake it!"
"Roast it!"
"Grill it!"
"Did anyone say brining?"
"Do you even know what brining is, Chief?"
"I know it's something you didn't say first. I call brining!"
Character
Dialogue
"Fellow citizens, we cannot let an argument about turkey preparation tear our town apart."
"We must save our energy for more important issues, like what are the best side dishes."
"Cranberry!"
"Yes, that's a good one. We shall determine the best turkey recipe with a fair contest -- the Springfield Fowl Face-Off. Everyone will submit a turkey sample for judging."
"But who's going to be the judge?"
"Good question. We need someone independent, wise, hungry, and married."
"Why married?"
"So that he's stopped caring how fat he looks."
Character
Dialogue
"After reviewing hundreds of applications for a turkey contest judge, I've chosen the man I was going to choose anyway: Homer Simpson."
"Homer, please don't be the judge of this turkey-malurkey."
"I had a dream where you were dying with two turkey drumsticks stuffed up your nose."
"Only two? That does sound bad."
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