Make Homer See What his Drinking Life Might Become
4h
Training Day Pt. 7
Make Homer Reflect on his Life
12h
Dialogue[]
Training Day Pt. 1[]
Character
Dialogue
"March is here! And you know what that means: time to make my New Years Resolution!"
"Didn't you make a resolution in January?"
"I did. It was stop postponing making New Years Resolutions. It isn't going well."
"So what's your resolution? Hit the gym? Read more? Improve your lexicon?"
"Lisa, what have I told you about making up words. Gym? Ridiculous." "My resolution is to prepare for St. Patrick's Day down at O'Flanagan's Pub so I don't end up face down in the gutter by accident." "This year, I'll end up there by choice!"
"And I won't be taking any excuses like I did last year! So leave you hangovers and heart attacks at home!"
Training Day Pt. 2[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"To borrow a phrase from James Joyce and Spring Break Cancun - DRINK, DRINK, DRINK!"
"I'm starting to think this is a bad idea ..."
"Second thoughts are for the sober! Drink those doubts away!"
"Booze, you've helped me make - and forget - so many bad decisions. How 'bout one more for old times' sake?"
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"Woo Hoo! It worked! I no longer regret this reckless romp of drinking!"
"Or this Gangnam Style tattoo - guaranteed to stay on topical and hilarious forever!"
Training Day Pt. 3[]
Character
Dialogue
"Homer, congratulations!"
"Am I finally ready to participate in all the St. Patrick's Day festivities?"
"No, you've graduated from a Wee Little Laddy to a Bar Wench in the O'Flanagan's School of Drinking and Tae Kwon Do."
"What's the top level?"
"Black belt! Sorry, I mean Leprechaun Lush! but no non-Irishman has ever achieved that level."
"Then I shall be the first! And it will be the greatest achievement of my life!"
"What about your three beautiful children and your loving wife?"
"Who?"
Training Day Pt. 4[]
Character
Dialogue
"Homer, you’ve failed at so many things: real estate exams, successfully making list of three… you must not fail at this." "But this hard, glass-strewn concrete floor looks so inviting. Maybe I’ll just take a little nap."
Training Day Pt. 5[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"Hello, is anyone there?"
"Hoooommmeeeer, it’s me. The Ghost of Liver Past."
"The Ghost of Liver Past? Never heard of you."
"That’s because those Christmas ghosts used up all of our public relations budget! It’s all about social media these days. I mean… boooooooooo!" "I’m here to show you how things used to be when you drank responsibly, by magically transporting you through time and space."
"Do I have to walk?"
"No." "You do have to stand while I possess you though."
"Uhhhh… fine. But I’m bringing a brew."
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"Look upon your first St. Patrick’s Day beer purchase at the Kwik-E-Mart.
"Who’s that fat balding guy? And when do I get my raffle ticket?"
"I really don’t think you’re getting what’s going on here. That’s you. From the past? You follow?"
"If I say yes, will I get my raffle ticket?"
Training Day Pt. 6[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"Where am I? The last thing I remember was a liver ghost slapping me in the face."
"You know what I always say, Homer — when a liver ghost slaps you, you slap back."
"HOMER! I’m the Ghost of Liver Future! I’m here to show you what you will become if you continue drinking."
"So more being possessed? Jeez, is this St. Patrick’s or Halloween?"
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"That was awful! The dank, dark bars. The sticky floors. The broken dreams… brand condom machines." "I don’t want that to be my life! Please tell me how I can change my ways!"
"I can’t… because I’m actually the Ghost of Liver Present! Bet you didn’t see that coming!"
"So this is what my life is like now? And you’re what my liver looks like now?"
"I know — sad right? There’s no Ghost of Liver Future because your liver doesn't have a future." "Also because people got too used to the three ghost system, so we had to change it up." "We’re beta testing it now. Actually, if you’d be willing to fill out a short questionnaire…" "Oh, you’re crying. Well I’ll just put down satisfied and see myself out."
Training Day Pt. 7[]
Character
Dialogue
"What have I been doing? Training for St. Patrick’s day when I could have been stopping to smell the roses." "Assuming people played the Valentine’s Day update." "I was so focused on my drinking, I forgot about the most important thing in my life — my, I don’t know, family probably."