Too Much of a Good Thing

Too Much of a Good Thing is the main quest from the Christmas 2013 Event. It has 20 parts, making it one of the longest quest chains in the game, but still has under half the amount of quests in The Krusty-est Place on Earth.

QuestsEdit

DialogueEdit

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 1Edit

StartEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"The Holidays are here again? It seems like only yesterday I was tapping on my house and changing the design from “Christmas” to “plain.” "And so much snow!"
	"Hey, EA! Ever hear of global warming. The whole “White Christmas” thing doesn’t really happen anymore."
	"Lisa, everyone knows EA is overrun with global warming deniers. Every cent of profit from their games goes to support anti-environment think thanks. Fun fact!"
	"There’s a big crate outside our house addressed to “Resident.” Is that for us?
	"Well, I don’t mean to brag, but…yeah, it’s true. Your old man is a “Resident.” Been one my whole life. It’s pretty sweet." "Sorry we never told you you’re descended from Residents. Your mother and I didn't want it to go to your head." "You’d naturally want to lord it over other, less-fortunate kids at school."
	"Yeah, thanks a bunch, I really just want to know what’s inside the crate."

EndEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"Two thousand bucks shipping and handling for just a funny-looking metal coat rack?"
	"It’s a Christmas Tree….I think"

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 2Edit

Character	Dialogue
	"There’s a memo attached to the bottom of the purchase order slip" “Dear Resident, due to a stack overflow error with the Naughty/Nice record of one Bartholomew J. Simpson, all of Springfield has been erroneously rated “Naughty” for the last ten years.” "To rectify the situation, Claus Co is required to provide presents for the town of Springfield until this deficit has been made up." "Please accept this present delivery depot. Best Regards, The Claus Co Public Relations Department. Also, Global Warming is a hoax."
	"Stupid stack overflow errors! Hey programmers, give your recursive functions the correct termination conditions! Sheesh!"
	"Uh, Dad? How do you know any of those words?"
	"I don’t! But the people who write for me are colossal nerds. They think stuff like that’s hilarious. Stupid nerds!"

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 3Edit

Character	Dialogue
	"They’re full of gift cards…"
	"I love getting gift cards! They let me choose the gift I want." "Or, I can put them in a dresser drawer, forget they exist, and get nothing. Which is what happens 99.9% of the time. The choice is mine!"
	"They say they’re redeemable at a store called “Claus Co”."
	"Claus Co? Never heard of them . But then again, there’s lots of things I’ve never heard of." "Like the Higgs Boson, for example. I’ve sure never heard of that thing!" "Anyway, free stuff is free stuff. Let’s celebrate!"

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 4Edit

Character	Dialogue
	"Hey, Apu! Can I pay for stuff at your store with Claus Co gift cards?"
	"Do you think me a fool? Those gift cards are a totally unknown commodity. They could be worthless tomorrow." "The U.S. dollar, on the other hand, is worthless today. Of couse I'll take your mystery cards! I'd be a fool not to!"

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 5Edit

Character	Dialogue
	"Yee-haw! Look at all this money! I’m rich! Rich, rich, rich!" "And I’ll use my newfound wealth to help the needy! Because they’re poor! Poor, poor, poor!"
	"Mr. Flanders, your charitable impulses are admirable. But everyone is being bombarded with free money." "Why not spend those gift cards on yourself for once?"
	"Well, there is one purchase I've been dreaming of. But it’s so totally indulgent..."

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 6Edit

Character

Dialogue

"Ah, Christmas. That frenetic orgy of desperate, credit-ruining spending. How it warms the heart of the non-Christian shop owner." "If these Jesus Boosters just enjoyed the season, it would be fine. But they’re miserable. Every last one of them." "Yoo-hoo! Christians! Your silly holidays make no sense!" "Now, in honor of the Hindu celebration of Pancha Ganapati, I leave this offering of fruit to the five-faced elephant god, Ganesha. Because that’s just common sense."

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 7Edit

Character	Dialogue
	"I done collected me a truckload of these here gift cards." "I's got more money than God!" "I refer, of course, to the Hillbilly God. His name is Zeb, and he’s poor on account of his best pig got hit by lightning." "This year I can buy something for all my kin." "All my 1,549 siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews, nieces and various combinations of the above"

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 8Edit

Character	Dialogue
	"What, so now everyone’s rich? Not just me? How is that fair?" "I worked hard my whole life, stealing from talented comics everywhere." "How am I gonna know I’m better than everyone else if I don’t have loads more money?"
	"In what sense are you rich? You owe millions to the mob!"
	"How do you know about my gambling debts?"
	"You've been very frank about it in your act. It’s fertile comedic ground. I’m not sure why the children respond to it, but they do."

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 9Edit

Character

Dialogue

"Gift cards everywhere! This year, I can afford to have the kind of Christmas I’ve only dreamed of!" "Halls decked to perfection, figgy pudding bursting with figs, wassail freaking everywhere." "Everybody donning their gayest apparel, songs of good cheer around the piano, until Dad says something that Mom mishears as a crack about her weight, and then the mood gets icy real fast..." "Actually, it all sounds pretty terrible. Think I’m going to find another use for these cards.

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 10Edit

StartEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"Come on, kids! The Simpsons are eating out tonight!"
	"What’s the occasion?"
	"The happiest occasion there is: money. Only a colossal sucker eats at home when he has money!"
	"I thought you liked mom’s cooking."
	"I love it! And wherever we go, the food won’t measure up." "It will taste worse, yet be loaded with calorie-rich, high-fat gunk from parts of animals we’d rather not know exist." "Yet none of that matters. Because I will be served by someone who laughs at my jokes and pretends I’m wonderful." "All because they want some of my charming money." "And don’t forget — the kiddies get off-brand crayons! And paper placemats with word searches, and mazes..."
	"I do like mazes..."

When Sending Springfielders to Eat at a RestaurantEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"Come on, octuplets. Let’s do put another “Kids eat Free!” restaurant out of business!"
	""I hope they prepare my Possum tableside."
	""I will have the Soylent Green. And a bottle of your finest Slurm."
	"To speed up the evening, I’d like a table close to the kitchen, and an ambulance parked right outside."
	"There’s something magical about being served your food by your food."
	"I ENJOY PAN-ASIAN CUISINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
	"Gimme the most expensive item on the menu, smothered in melted the second-most-expensive-item-on-the-menu."
	"I have never tasted un-turpentined wine."
	"Even Jesus ate out once in a while towards the end."
	"I’ll start with a bowl of the color blue. For my main course, I’d like to watch “Strange Brew” with your coolest busboy." "For dessert, the entire world holding hands and experiencing perfect knowingness."
	"I am working on a nutritious, lab-grown, food-replacement powder that will render restaurants obsolete. Full disclosure."
	"Don’t expect me to thank you. An evening with Mother is joyless no matter the setting."
	"If I had enough whiskey, I’ll believe anything is haggis. Remember this simple rule, and the evening will go better."

EndEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"I'm pretty sure that was the meal that kills me. And I couldn't be happier."
	"No offense, Dad, but watching you and everyone in that restaurant gorge themselves was kind of disgusting."
	"Couldn't be happier..."

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 11Edit

StartEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"Moe's is packed! This whole town is drunk!"
	"We couldn't afford it till now. When money’s no object, why would anyone choose to be sober?" "We're all super charming and fun now! And, yes, vehicular homocides have ticked up. But when you’re drunk, it just doesn't matter."
	"I had no idea my prices were forcing everyone into horrible, sobriety. I gotta make up for that!" "Hey, everybody! Drinks on the house!"

When sending Springfielders to Enjoy a BeerEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"Wait, you have to be 21 to buy beer? Oh, boy. I have almost certainly ruined many young lives."
	"Local newsman gets drunk and swings by his ex-wife’s house, only to discover she has definitely moved on. Story at eleven."
	"My Pappy had a saying: “Alkey-hall yum.” Words to live by."
	"One Romulan Ale, please. If you do not carry the real thing, a reasonable facsimile is Coors Light and green food coloring."
	"I will drink your free beer. If that makes me a hero, so be it."
	"Alcohol has no effect on Rigellians. I drink only to look cool."
	"I APPLAUD YOUR CRAFT BEER MOVEMENT!!!!!!!!"
	"You picked me for this job?! Check the name on the sign. You know I get free beer all the time, right?"
	"Let’s all raise a glass of this sinful devil’s brew, whose poisonous lies leadeth us astray from the path of — hey! Where’s everybody going?"
	"I am also working on a beer-replacement powder that will render alcohol obsolete. Full disclosure."
	"For a quart of ale is a dish for a king! — William Shakespeare. “What he said!” — Sideshow Mel"
	"I do some of my best mimeographing when I’m drunk."
	"Hurry up! I can’t face mopping the boys bathroom sober."

EndEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"That’s funny. I thought giving away beer to my neighbors would make me feel good. But, nope." "It's nice to know I haven't been missing out on anything. Okay, you drunks. Prices just doubled!"

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 12Edit

Character	Dialogue
	"Okay, Mom, here's my Christmas list, along with attached appendices." "I've included an index at the back, and on page 45 you’ll find a glossary of common BB gun terms."
	"Bart, don’t you think that's a bit excessive? Even by your standards?"
	"Oh, I think we can afford to live a little, Lisa." "What they hey! This year, there is no budget! The sky’s the limit!"
	"When it's free, we can buy as much of your love as we want!"

When sending Springfielders to Shop for Loved OnesEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"The fact everything is free in no way improves the experience of shopping for eight toddlers."
	"No more diggin’ in the trash for mah family. From now on, I gets mah trash from big box stores!"
	"I have no idea what real adults buy."
	"Your loved one just died on my examining table. It sometimes happens when a doctor has to take a patient’s pulse."
	"What is the inside of a store like?"
	"Marge needs a new dress. Something adventurous. Unexpected. outside the box, if you will. I wonder if she’d look good in green..."
	"All Rigelians suffer from a crippling shopping addiction."
	"I WILL INVEST IN A GOOD PAIR OF JEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
	"I’ll take aisles 4 through 6. A team of unpaid interns from Emerson will sort it all out once I get it home."
	"I bet you think the concept of “loved ones” is totally foreign to me." "If you’re so smart, why don’t you tell me what a loved one is? And go slow — I’m taking copious notes."
	"If there’s a commandment against coveting your neighbors possessions, I’ve never heard of it!"
	"My only loved one is a desiccated old monster who thinks only of doing evil. I’m the luckiest man on earth!"
	"I need a gift for Lenny, but it's so hard shopping for the man who has nothing."

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 13Edit

Character	Dialogue
	"Hey, Lisa, what’s the matter, sweetie? You look upset."
	"Something doesn't feel right about these gift cards, mom. They’re bringing out the worst in all of us."
	"Try not to think about it. Here, have some egg nog."
	"Thanks. Hey! This nog taste like Dad smells when he comes home from Moe’s. Did you spike my drink?"
	"No! Of course not! You’re a child! Now finish that glass. It’ll cheer you right up. And, uh, maybe don’t operate a motor vehicle for the next two hours."

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 14Edit

Character	Dialogue
	"Hey Wiggum! You want a sandwich? I bought a dozen of them. You know, like the rich guy I now am." "Rich guys always buy as much of something as possible, so you can tell them apart from poors. I think it’s one of the wealthy’s best qualities."
	"Thanks. Hey, have you noticed that when you don’t have to work for a living, you end up with a lot of time to kill?"
	"Well, I find eating sandwiches to be a rewarding way to fill the time." "Other people may turn to reading, or spending time with loved one. But as for me, sandwiches."
	"I never realized you were so wise. I guess your wisdom gets lost beneath the innumerable dumb things you do and say."
	"Whaaaggub?"
	"Nevermind. Keep eating, friend. Keep eating."

When sending Springfielders to OvereatEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"America has taught me so much about overeating. Time to put it all into action."
	"My greatest gift as a newsman? All my weight gain occurs below desk-height."
	"I assume you have some sort of machine back there that supersizes meals? Run my French fries through it ten times."
	"Everything goes better with the great taste of Duff! So that’s my order: everything."
	"This will quite possibly kill me!"
	"You heard me — I’ll have the entire dessert cart."
	"Foolish humans! Your Cookies ‘n’ Cream is your only worthy creation!"
	"EVERYTHING IS BETTER FRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
	""The Bible says, “Every moving thing that liveth shall be meat for you.” I’m just doing the Man Upstairs’ work."
	"Yeah, well there’s no commandment against eating till you puke, either."
	"Cut everything with Metamucil and let God sort 'em out!"
	"I'm still in better health than most of these lazy slobs."
	"Thar be the white whale! ...is what I'll say next time I look in the mirror."

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 15Edit

Character	Dialogue
	"Another round, bartender!"
	"Can't... lift... another... mug." "Town... too alcoholic... for one bartender... to serve."

When sending Springfielders to Drink Too MuchEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"Tap on somebody else! I’m drinking!"
	*BELCH!*
	"Where are the busty wenches? Is this a Renn Fair, or isn’t it?"
	"ME DRINK NOW!!!!!!!!!!"
	*BUURRPP* "Give me another beer, morality clause be damned!"
	"I just teach better with a crippling hangover."
	"I know a lot of people say this, but I totally pray better after a few drinks."
	"Anyone want to see what I’m like when I’m even less inhibited? No? Too bad!"
	"Get a few beers in me, and I'll haunt anything."
	"The Bible says Every boozy liquid that liveth shall be drink for you, I'm Paraphrasing,of course."
	"How much of this beer stuff do I have ta drink before I goes blind? Come on!"

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 16Edit

Character	Dialogue
	"Everybody get up! It's time to go shopping! We need to get to those sales!"
	"Sales? Dad, it’s 6 AM and money has lost all meaning so sales are pointless. Also 6 AM."
	"If we wait 'til 7, we'll miss all the pushing, shoving and rioting! And Christmas will be ruined."

When sending Springfielders to Stampede StoresEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"I love a good riot! Reminds me of my time at Guantanamo Bay. Great accommodations, terrible meal plan."
	"Guerrilla warfare is the only way to deal with mass enemies like this. I’ll die before I miss out on a sale on one-armed T-shirts."
	"ALL YOUR DVD PLAYERS ARE BELONG TO US!!!!!!!!!"
	"A gentle breeze can leave me hospitalized. This will not end well."
	"It will be some time before I realize I forgot my wallet."
	"I have created a computer model that predicts crowd flow, this giving me a decided– good glayvin! So much pushing!"
	"A lot of repressed rage is about to come out. Please look away."
	"I look forward to robbing you in the parking lot."
	"I’m a sworn officer of the law, yes. But I’m also a greedy dude with a gun."
	"My people were killing each other for no reason centuries ago!"

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 17Edit

Character	Dialogue
	"Look at what these holiday gift cards have done to this town, Dad. We’re falling apart!"
	"Sweetie, did you ever think maybe a town constructed of money and donuts isn't meant to last forever?"
	"It's the Seven Deadly Sins on parade! We eat all the time — that’s Gluttony." "We lie around drinking all day — that's Sloth!" "We fight each other to buy everything in sight — Greed!"
	"That's only three sins. Four more to go — including some of the funnest ones!" "Wrath, Lust, Pride– ooh, and Envy! Let’s not pull the plug until I’ve had a chance to get in some sweet, sweet envying."

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 18Edit

StartEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"Lisa! Why are you destroying the mysterious windfall from an unknown benefactor that has poisoned this once-peaceful small town?"
	"Well, uh, you just explained it pretty well."
	"Thanks! But we gotta be careful. People love those cards, and you know how quickly angry mobs form in this town."
	"They're destroying gift cards! Kill the Simpsons!"
	"Hey, look at that! We've never had a Flanders-led mob before."
	"When you've run from as many mobs as I have, you really appreciate novelty."

When sending Springfielders to Hunt for the SimpsonsEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"The Simpsons are dear friends. But, you know, “when in Rome”...
	"Stop the runners before they reach Sanctuary! SUCCESSFUL MOVIE REFERENCE!"
	"Ten years of intensive anger management classes, down the drain."
	"I’d be a hypocrite if I didn't support all forms of mob violence."
	"I have a Class Four Human Hunting License. Why am I not in charge?"
	"ALL HUMANS LOOK THE SAME!!!!!!!!!"
	"Yes, find the Simpsons! They’re the real villain in this town, right? Right, guys?"
	"I’d like to focus my hunting on Bart."
	"I could cast a spell to find them, but it seems more efficient to do random building searches."
	"Ah, it’s grand to be running, feeling the wind up my kilt, pursuing friends to their death."
	"We're totally going to mess you up, neighborinos!"

EndEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"Who'd have thought people would get so mad at the thought of going from rich big shots to regular, poor losers." "Wait, why are we doing this again?"
	"People need to see that they are abandoning everything in the face of limitless buying power." "The things that really matter in life aren't tangible."
	"Oh. Yeah, I knew that... So, just so we’re clear, what we’re talking about will end free beer at Moe’s, won’t it?"

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 19Edit

Character	Dialogue
	"Claus Co is at the heart of all this trouble. But who are they?" "Hmmm... There's some terms and conditions printed on the back of these gift cards." "Pursuant to the clause stated in paragraph 5, …" Dad! These conditions are even worse than a cell phone company's!" "They're almost as draconian as the makers of popular mobile devices, such as phones and tablets!" "The same devices upon which people play freemium games!"
	"Anyone who’d waste their time on that junk deserves whatever’s coming to them."

Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 20Edit

Character	Dialogue
	"Dad, I found a loophole. Claus Co gift cards are only good for approximately 5 weeks." "All this credit will be useless before the end of January. Then Springfield will go back to normal."
	"Gee, it hardly seems worth it murdering anybody over five lousy weeks. Six or seven, sure. But not five."
	"Well, maybe now we can all go back to celebrating the holidays the way we should — by gathering with family and friends."
	"And sneaking off whenever possible to grind out all those sweet Claus Co prizes before five weeks is up!"