The Whole Truth
October 20, 2014
The Whole Truth is the second questline of the Treehouse of Horror XXV Event.
The Whole Truth Pt. 1
Make Kang Report to Rigellian High Command Count
The Whole Truth Pt. 2
Make Kang Probe
The Whole Truth Pt. 3
Make Kang Drink Count x2
Make Homer Drink Count x2
The Whole Truth Pt. 4
Make Kang Probe Homer
The Whole Truth Pt. 5
Make Kang Reflect on his Situation
"High Command would like to be debriefed on the progress of the invasion."
"The entire Rigellian army being squished into oblivion could be seen as a loss."
"Luckily, I'm the king of spin. I will really have to pile on the space-cow droppings."
"Operation Earth-Over-Confident has been a rousing success. They aren't afraid of us at all!"
"SILENCE! Do not drool on me and call it precipitation!" "You have failed once again." "And you wonder why we only let you conquer planets with malls!" "You are relieved of your command. Return to Rigel VII in disgrace."
"Wait! Give me one more chance! I can take down Earth. I just need to figure out their weaknesses!"
"You mean you haven't probed them to detect their weaknesses yet? Why not?"
"Well, to be honest, it kind of weirds me out.
"I'm glad you felt comfortable enough to be honest with me."
"OF COURSE NOT!" "Get to probing, maggot!"
*sigh* "Might as well get this over with."
"Halt, corpulent human! Prepare to be probed!"
"Now I have to chase him. Ugh, look how he jiggles."
*wheeze* "You are surprisingly spry for one so gelatinous."
"Wow. I've never outrun anyone before."
"I guess it's ‘cause I'm running on two feet as opposed to a million suction cups."
"Also I just drank a lot of water. Ugh, cramp!" "High Command would like to be debriefed on the progress of the invasion."
"I am a failure. Earth is too much for me." *sniff*
"Aw – hey, don't cry. I assume what you're doing there is crying."
*sniff* "It is! I could not even catch a pregnant Earthling female."
"What? I'm male!"
"You are? You look like you are expecting a litter of human cubs!" "Well, that makes me feel a little better."
"Yep, no shame in not catching a strapping young male."
"Really? This is what passes for strapping on this planet?"
"Okay, maybe not strapping, but I'm for sure not pregnant."
"In that case… wanna get super drunk with me? I'm depressed."
"Sure, I'll go with you. But, honestly, I'd probably do it even if I was pregnant."
"I've always wanted to know... how do you guys tell each other apart?"
"I was going to ask you the same thing!"
"You know, Kang, you're all right."
"You as well. After getting inebriated with you I feel I can now call you “friend.”"
"Prepare to be probed, friend!"
"It's hopeless! I still can't catch you even after I got you drunk."
"Wait, you got me drunk just so you could catch me? I trusted you!"
"I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you by buying you bigger, stronger drinks."
"Why are you humans so cruel?"
"Cruel? You invaded our planet!"
"I bonded and got drunk with you twice in one day."
"But you and your bar friends drew a mustache on my dome after I passed out on the pool table."
"Yes, we are a charming bunch."
"I need time alone to do some heavy thinking."
"You might want to take off the “kick me” sign."
"We are adorable."
"If I am thrown out of the Rigellian army, I will have to move back in with mother."
"And she has that new young boyfriend."
"He was a jerk in high school, he is a jerk now."
"I suppose I could stay here." "This planet isn't so bad. There are some decent waterfalls." "And I like the direction the Human Race is going with the whole Pretzel-Hotdog thing..."