"Ah, Springfield. A normal American town...with a dark, evil secret."
"At least I hope you have a dark evil secret, or I'll have to make one up."
"Hey! You're that documentary filmmaker! So did Robert Durst kill somebody here too?"
"I'm not THAT documentary filmmaker. I'm Declan Desmond. And I'm here to make my latest work of genius."
"But first I need to find a hotel to stay in. A fancy one, because I consider myself above everyone else since I work in entertainment."
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"Now it's time to get down to what I came here to do..."
"Find a story, and then win an Oscar by making a movie in the category with the least competition."
The Price of Donuts Pt. 2[]
Character
Dialogue
"Well well, what have we here? It looks like a little girl doing construction work."
"“Can Johnny Come Out And Build My High-Rise?” I smell an acceptance speech!"
"Excuse me, miss, how long have you been exploited like this for?"
"No one's exploiting me. I'm helping my dad rebuild Springfield."
"Lisa, stop talking to that stranger! The only weird, creepy man you're allowed to talk to is me."
"A family rebuilding a city? This is perfect!"
"I can explore the fascinating topic of city planning, and do that cheesy, lame family stuff studio execs like!"
The Price of Donuts Pt. 3[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"Are we rolling? Good. I'm here with Homer Simpson. Homer, how did this all begin?"
"Well there was this game called the Smurfs and..."
"No, I mean the rebuilding of Springfield."
"Oh. Well the first thing I constructed was my house."
"At that moment, the entire universe was me and my house. I'd never felt more free and hopeful."
"Then my daughter stepped out, I became a parent again, and it all disappeared."
Jobs Started[]
Character
Dialogue
"Mr. Desmond, if you're looking for a scoop, look at this scientific analysis we did of the new Springfield's city layout."
"It turns out to perfectly mirror how a 7-year-old with ADHD would lay out a city."
"Yes, and I'm interviewing that child-minded designer right now. Homer, another question..."
“
Get Arnie Pye to help Desmond gather footage of Springfield!
”
— In-Game Message
The Price of Donuts Pt. 4[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"So after rebuilding your house, what was next?"
"Well the way I saw it, I had three options:"
"Clean up Springfield for 6 seconds, play with my myPad for 45 seconds, or lounge in the pool for 6 hours."
"But none of those seemed as fun as drinking, so I built Moe's bar."
"The second thing you built was a bar?"
"Well I think there was a bunch of stuff in between, but after I went to the bar I kinda didn't remember any of it."
Jobs Started[]
Character
Dialogue
"Homer, would you care to explain what contribution this tavern makes to the town as a whole?"
"Well, it allows us to get diversity into the game in a relatively non-intrusive way."
"Hi!"
"Also, it's a nice respite from the hustle and bustle of the nuclear plant."
"You guys work at a nuclear plant? Do you really think you should be drinking on your lunch break?"
"Of course not! Which is why we're drinking now, before lunch."
The Price of Donuts Pt. 5[]
Character
Dialogue
"Mr. Burns, it's come to my attention that some of your employees might be coming to work in an impaired state."
"I was thinking I could film you going undercover as an “Incognito Boss”!"
"Where I'd be mingling with the not-so-great unwashed? Keep thinking!"
"Well, then do you mind if I just film inside the plant myself?"
"That depends. Will there be a red carpet premiere with Bette Davis in attendance?"
"Uh... sure, why not."
"Then fine. Just don't step in any of the radiation."
The Price of Donuts Pt. 6[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"Thanks for seeing me on such short notice, Doc."
"Is that a camera? I swear, I did nothing wrong. Those 700 boxes of Oxycontin were for patients with cold sores."
"I'm not shooting an expose. I'm here because I filmed in the nuclear plant and now I'm not feeling well."
"Got ya. Here's a prescription for 700 boxes of Oxycontin."
"No, really -- I'm not feeling good!"
"Well, you're about to be. *chuckles*"
Jobs Started[]
Character
Dialogue
"The line at the pharmacy sure is long. Might as well make use of the time by interviewing some residents."
"Excuse me, sir, could I interview you for my documentary?"
"Sure, as long as Sky Finger doesn't tell me I need to attend Chocoholics Anonymous."
"“Sky Finger?” What's that?"
"Duh, that giant finger that comes out of the sky and tells us what to do!"
"Uh... maybe I'll just talk to this lady instead."
"Sorry, can't talk. Sky Finger just told me I need to have a Counting Crows phase. I'll be back in 8 hours if you want to catch me then."
The Price of Donuts Pt. 7[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"Sorry to bug you again, Doc."
"I noticed that many of the town's residents are convinced there's a giant “Sky Finger” that tells them what to do."
"Are you aware of any mass psychotic episode affecting the populace?"
"Aside from the mass psychotic episodes caused by taking 700 boxes of Oxycontin? Nope."
"But if you want to investigate crazy belief systems, I'm not the one you should talk to."
"Who is?"
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"Reverend, I'm having a crisis of faith. Why should I believe in this Sky Finger when there's no sensory evidence for it?"
"Sensory evidence, shmensory evidence! Apparently you've never heard of St. Anselm's Ontological Argument for the existence of Sky Finger."
"I've heard of everything. But why don't you explain it for the camera..."
"Our idea of Sky Finger is the idea of the most perfect sky-based finger. Now if it didn't exist, it wouldn't be perfect. So Sky Finger must exist!"
"I'm convinced... that this scene will never make the final edit of my movie."
"I'm surprised it even made it into the game."
The Price of Donuts Pt. 8[]
Character
Dialogue
"Apu, I've been told that of all the people in Springfield, you've worked most closely with Homer in rebuilding the town. Is that true?"
"Well it was true. But not anymore... thanks to Sky Finger."
"Ugh. This again?"
"For some reason Sky Finger got it in its head -- its fingernail? -- that the most productive thing for me to do is feed the octuplets every hour, 24 hours a day."
"Each octuplet now weighs over 150 pounds!"
"Hands up and pop the cash register!"
"Boy, was I lucky to walk in here just in time to catch a robbery on film!"
"Not that lucky. It happens every hour too."
The Price of Donuts Pt. 9[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"Mr. Brockman, I'm investigating the rebuilding of Springfield."
"As a fellow journalist, I was wondering if you could help me out with some archival footage of the early days of the rebuilding."
"Sorry. I was going to shoot some footage of it, but got too busy playing poker with Krusty, dining at the Swanky Fish, relaxing, and checking my Wikipedia page."
"All is not lost! I have a way to transport you to the moments right after the explosion, when Springfield started rebuilding!"
"You're welcome to take the Chrono Trike for a spin... if you product place it in every scene of your movie."
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"My gosh, it turns out Homer accepted payments to construct his own house! In cash AND donuts!"
"This footage is gonna be even bigger than the keyboard cat video! Overpriced Malibu beach house with rocky unusable beach, here I come!"
"Sorry, but that footage has evidence of possible crimes. I'm going to have to confiscate it."
"Could you at least taze me while I have my hands up so I have something good to replace it with?"
The Price of Donuts Pt. 10[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"Taking bribes to build buildings? Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?"
"I was kinda hoping you'd offer me some cash or donuts to tell you."
"If the residents find out, you'll be run out of town. But fortunately the footage is secure in the hands of the police."
"Bad news, gentlemen. The footage has been leaked."
"How did that happen?"
"A bidding war between TMZ and Perez Hilton... and the department needed a new Technivorm for the break room."
"I warned Marge that Homer would one day be responsible for the next big national scandal."
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"Homer Simpson? More like Homer Madoff!"
"While that bastard's been living large, I've been living on only four packs a day!"
"The only way this mob will be pacified will be to have a public trial."
"With a guilty verdict, of course."
"If he gets the death penalty can I film it?"
The Price of Donuts Pt. 11[]
Character
Dialogue
"I presume this is your first time in a prison cell?"
"If you don't count the virtual prison cell that is suburban living."
"Or the dozens of times I've been in prison cells."
"Simpson! Here's your dinner. Bon appetit!"
"Cool, what is it?"
"Whaddya think it is? Slop."
"Mmmmmmm... slop."
The Price of Donuts Pt. 12[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"The court is called to order! Prosecution, you may proceed."
"We will show that Homer willfully and maliciously enriched himself at the expense of Springfield's citizens."
"If found guilty, we request that Homer repay all cash and donuts to the Homer Simpson Victims Fund, which I will distribute fairly to all aggrieved parties, less the 85% administration fee."
"Prosecution, you may call your witnesses."
"The Ho. J. Simpson trial will be the biggest of the century!"
"And I'm the guy with the camera."
Luigi's Job Started[]
Character
Dialogue
"My mama come-a all-a the way from Italy to visit..."
"But when-a she stay at the «Sleep Easy Motel» she no-a can sleep _ cause-a Homer put the Noiseland Video Arcade right next to it!"
Skinner's Job Started[]
Character
Dialogue
"He built dozens of blue houses, but wouldn't let me live in any of them. I had to sleep at the school until Mom arrived."
Fat Tony's Job Started[]
Character
Dialogue
"Our contracting firm supplied Homer with all his construction labor."
"And let's just say we were told to «slow things down» unless we were brought donuts."
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"Thank you, witnesses. The court will now recess while I decide how to rule on the case."
"But if anyone has two donuts I can make it happen immediately!"
The Price of Donuts Pt. 13[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"The court will now render its verdict. We find the defendant..."
"OBJECTION!"
"Your honor, after hours of hearing about this Sky Finger I decided to investigate."
"So I used a drone-mounted camera to fly above the Sky Finger...and saw it belonged to a giant 7-year-old!"
"Called it!"
"Homer isn't to blame for the terrible city planning. It's the fault of this child!"
"OBJECTION! Sky Finger couldn't be a child -- you have to enter your age to play."
"Overruled. He could have been playing on his parent's device."
"In light of this new evidence, the court shall reconsider its verdict."
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"Upon extensively reviewing the evidence, which provided a welcome break from getting in shape for roles in local films..."
"I find Homer Simpson NOT GUILTY."
"Whew! Mr. Desmond, how can I thank you?"
"By writing a bunch of positive reviews of the documentary on Metacritic."
"I don't have the money to pay an army of fake reviewers like the big studios do."
Trivia[]
Luigi says that his mom came to visit the town. However, he stated after being unlocked at Level 18 that his mother died.
If part 4 is active, "Drink at Moe's" job is not available for any characters outside the Barflies character group