The Lard of the Rings is a quest involving Homer Strongman.
Quests[]
| Quest | Requirements |
|---|---|
| The Lard Of The Rings Pt. 1 | Make Homer Strongman Impress Rubes with His Strength |
| The Lard Of The Rings Pt. 2 | Make Homer Strongman Battle Apu's Octopulets |
| The Lard Of The Rings Pt. 3 | Reach Level 7 and Build the Krusty Burger
Make Homer Strongman Punch Meat in the Freezer |
| The Lard Of The Rings Pt. 4 | Reach Level 11 and Build the Cooling Towers
Make Strongman Homer Piggyback Mr. Burns |
| The Lard Of The Rings Pt. 5 | Reach Level 15 and Build Moe's Tavern
Make Homer Strongman Drink Duff Bull |
Dialogue[]
The Lard of the Rings pt. 1[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
”Greetings! I am a circus strongman, the 13th most popular sideshow at the circus.”
“But the guy who eats glass is retiring soon, so I’ll be moving up the list.” “I have the strength of Hercules! And like Hercules, I have been tasked by the gods to perform Twelve Labors.” “Unlike Hercules, I’ll probably only get through five of them.”
|
The Lard of the Rings pt. 2[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
”What will be the second Labor of Homercles? If I can earn the gods’ favor, they will grant me a boon…”
“Perhaps a leotard that doesn’t bind up in the crotch.” |
|
”Strongman, I have an eight-headed hydra that will take all your strength to defeat.” |
|
|
”*Gasp* You mean… the octuplets?!” |
|
|
”Yes! My kids broke into the bulk Halloween candy and now they’re going crazy in my store on a total sugar high.”
“Do whatever you must. As a loving parent I ask only this: keep the windows closed so I don’t hear them screaming.” |
End[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
”I almost had them trapped behind the Squishee machine, but then they beat me up and stole my weight belt.” |
|
|
”Beating up an employee… sometimes my kids make me proud.” |
The Lard of the Rings pt. 3[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
"Who’s got a Labor? Looking for a Labor.” |
|
”Hey, strongman! I bought a bunch of horse meat from this Greek guy, Diomedes, for my new signature Krusty Whinniewich.”
“How’d you like to tenderize it by pounding it with your fat fists?” |
|
|
”They’re not fat, they’re full-figured.” |
End[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
”Well, I made a lot of progress. The meat used to be tough as boot leather, now it’s only tough as shoe leather.” |
|
|
”Another Krustyburger disaster. I guess the moral is, don’t look at the Greeks bearing gift horses in the mouth.” |
The Lard of the Rings pt. 4[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
”I’ve gotta get one of these labors right, or I’ll never get my boon from the gods. And I want boon! Major boon!” |
|
”Strongman, I have lost one of my hounds. For your next task, you must travel into Hell, find him, and bring him back.” |
|
|
”I get finding a lost dog, but what’s the “travel into Hell” part?” |
|
|
”Well, he’ll only come to my voice. So you must carry me pick-a-back while we search…”
“And the entire time I’m going to complain about the cost of employee health and pension benefits.” |
|
|
”So cruel! Still, eyes on the boon. Eyes on the boon.” |
End[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
“Oh, my poor little doggy, you look so tired. Just clamp your jaws on the Strongman’s leg and he’ll drag you home.” |
The Lard of the Rings pt. 5[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
“I’m so sick of doing labors! Who’d’ve thought they’d be like work!” |
|
”I’ve got a job for you. I need you to kill a bull in my tavern.” |
|
|
”Kill him yourself. The next feat of strength I’m doing is thunder farts.” |
|
|
”Nah, I mean killing a “Duff Bull”, the new beer from Duff. “There’s no bull about Duff Bull.” Or some such.” |
|
|
”Finally a labor that involves getting drunk, like my regular job.” |
End[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
“Well, counting up the empties on the bar, I’d say you finished the Twelve Labors of Homercles.” |
|
|
“Let’s go for forty-seven.” |
Trivia[]
- The name of this quest is a reference to the famous series of books The Lord of the Rings.