The Lap of Luxury is a side questline that was released on December 9, 2020, for the Clash of Creeds: Christmas Royale 2020 Event. It requires the character, Krusty Claus.
Quests[]
| Quest | Requirements | Time | Reward | Triggered By |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| The Lap of Luxury Pt. 1 | Make Krusty Claus Go Treat Himself Make Elf Bart Work Through the Toy Backlog* |
4h 6h |
 100  10
|
Krusty Claus |
| The Lap of Luxury Pt. 2 | Make Krusty Claus Abandon His Principles | 4h | 100 10
|
Krusty Claus |
| The Lap of Luxury Pt. 3 | Make Santa Claus Get This Sorted** Make Krusty Claus Take a Smoke Break |
4h 4h |
100 10
|
Krusty Claus |
| The Lap of Luxury Pt. 4 | Make Krusty Claus Pull Some Strings Make Nelson Wait With Bated Breath*** |
2h 2h |
100 10
|
Krusty Claus |
| The Lap of Luxury Pt. 5 | Make Krusty Claus Duck Out the Back Make Elf Bart Distract the Cops* Make Jimbo Try Out His New Flamethrower**** |
60m 60m 60m |
200 20
|
Krusty Claus |
*Only appears if the player has Elf Bart.
**Only appears if the player has Santa Claus.
***Only appears if the player has Nelson.
****Only appears if the player has Jimbo.
Dialogue[]
The Lap of Luxury Pt. 1[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
Alright, let's take a look at the old Krusty Christmas mailbag. |
|
|
*reading* "Dear, Krusty Claus. I want a new kitten because my old one aged-out into a cat. Ick!" |
|
*reading* "And I want the new video game Bonestorm 7: Die, Mom, Die!" |
|
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*reading* "And the new Slay Station 5 to play it on. The processor has been optimized for death throes and blood-flecked final coughs." |
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*reading* "Bring it to me or go to Hell! Kidding. But kind of not." |
|
Kids these days are so entitled. Why doesn't anybody ever ask what Krusty Claus wants? |
|
The elves finished knocking-off the Futurama merch and the robots finished knocking-off the Disenchantment crap — that plan worked like a charm, by the way. Is there anything else you want? |
|
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Exactly! Why doesn't anybody ever ask me that? |
|
I just did. |
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|
You know what I mean. |
End[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
Where's Krusty Claus? I need to tell him we're behind on our toy production. |
|
|
He said something about "treating himself" and stormed off. What's the problem? |
|
We modernized "the list" to take account of goodness fluidity and now we have to make presents for the whole NNBN community — naughty, nice, both, neither. |
|
That's cool. I have always been a little nice-curious. |
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If we're going to be ready by C-Day, we need less talking and more mallet-tapping. |
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I also got sucked into a rebranding campaign designed to offset unconscious White Christmas privilege. Important work, but a bit of a rabbit hole. |
The Lap of Luxury Pt. 2[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
Alright. Something just for me. There's gotta be something good here at this mall. |
|
Vape flavors! Get your vape flavors here! |
|
Your one-stop shop for cheap drones! |
|
|
Ugh. Is this what malls have come to? |
|
Santa? Can — can I — can I tell you my Christmas list? Pweaaaasse? |
|
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Uh...I'm not Santa Claus, kid. I'm Krusty Claus. I only handle the zip codes outside of Santa's sled range. Also it's my day off. |
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*cries* |
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Ah, come on. Don't do me like that. |
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*ominous glare* |
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My baby is glaring ominously because he wants to give you his Christmas wish list. |
|
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Look, I'm just here for like a... *looks around* ...a phone case, or maybe a calendar. |
|
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*ominous glare* |
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I'll pay you two hundred dollars. |
|
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Two hundred bucks?! That would buy a lot of calendars. Hop on up here, baby. Tell Krusty Claus all your hopes and dreams. |
End[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
Man, this mall Santa biz is quite a racket. Way more lucrative than building millions of free toys and selling mail-order reindeer steaks. |
|
|
You called me, Boss? |
|
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Elf Bart, we've got some monetizing to do. Look at this line of sheep waiting to be fleeced! |
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How about a Meaning-of-Christmas VIP Pass? For a hundred bucks, the last person in line shall be first and the first shall be last. |
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What if more than one person bites? |
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We keep switching as long as they keep paying. |
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Love it. You truly are a good shepherd! |
The Lap of Luxury Pt. 3[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
Hmm. This does appear to be the right place, but it looks like there is already another Santa taking wishes. |
|
|
Look, kid. Enough with the details. Just point to a picture in this catalog and I'll send your parents an e-mail with a link to buy it. Kapeesh? |
|
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Excuse me, I'm here to run Santa's Wish Center. Is...is this the right place? |
|
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Oh, uh...right. Yeah, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but uh...you've been replaced this year. |
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*gasp* Is this because I used the A word? |
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The A-word? |
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Amazon. I told some kid they could get better prices online. |
|
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You use Amazon? |
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It's just too convenient! I wonder how they are able to deliver presents all over the world in a single night. |
|
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I thought YOU could do that. |
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Nah. We use a large unpaid local seasonal workforce to make it seem that way. We call them parents. |
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I need this job to pay my Amazon bill. I'm going to talk to the manager and sort this out. |
End[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
I told you, you haven't been replaced. |
|
So then who's out there taking my wishes from kids? |
|
|
I don't know, but he's really ripping through those lines quick. I hate to shut him down. What if you just set up shop by the other exit and we'll have two mall Santas this year? |
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By the supermarket? What kind of mall has a grocery store for an anchor store? |
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A failing one. Any other questions? |
The Lap of Luxury Pt. 4[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
Alright, next! Get on up here. |
|
*jumps onto Krusty Claus' lap* |
|
|
Oof, aren't you a little old to be asking Santa for things, kid? |
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Why, yes I am. But then again, you're not Santa. *squints* Are you? |
|
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Hey, hey keep your voice down. I got elf mouths to feed. What do you want? |
|
*whispers into Krusty Claus' ear* |
|
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Are you kidding me?! Do you know how much those cost? |
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Hey everybody! This guy's not the real— |
|
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OKAY, okay. Jeez, kid. Just shut your mouth, alright? I'll have it to you by the end of the day. |
End[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
Wooaahhh. That...is...amazing. |
|
It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. |
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Can I try it? |
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*shoots his new flamethrower across the lawn* If you're man enough, sure. |
|
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AWESOME! And Santa Claus just gave it to you? |
|
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You gotta know how to ask. |
The Lap of Luxury Pt. 5[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
Right there, Chief! Arrest him! |
|
Alright, you're coming with me. Cuff him, boys. |
|
Hey, get your sticky donut hands off me, old man! |
|
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No, not him! The Santa impersonator! |
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But this kid's got a flamethrower. |
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Quick boss, duck out the back. I'll distract 'em. |
End[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
It's good to be back at Claus Co. But I can't imagine how far behind we are now on Christmas. |
|
If we train a thousand penguins to make toys and put them on the line we could get be back on schedule in no time. |
|
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You do realize that there are no penguins at the North Pole? They only live in Antarctica. |
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That's not fair! What are they, some kind of a trick-question animal? No wonder they look stupid! |