The Joy of Gossip

The Joy of Gossip
Level	50
Release Date	March 4, 2015
Number of Quests	7
Premium Side Quest	The Real Investorettes
Preceded By	Baking Bread
Succeeded By	The Ungrateful Dead

The Joy of Gossip is the main questline for the Level 50 content update.

Quests

Quest	Requirements	Time	Reward	Triggered By
The Joy of Gossip Pt. 1	Build Municipal House of Pancakes	4h	100 10 Unlock: Helen Lovejoy	Milhouse
The Joy of Gossip Pt. 2	Make Helen Make Marge Spill the Beans	60m	100 10	Helen Lovejoy
The Joy of Gossip Pt. 3	Make Helen Think of the Children	8h	100 10	Helen Lovejoy
The Joy of Gossip Pt. 4	Make Helen Apply for Premium Status	4h	100 10	Helen Lovejoy
The Joy of Gossip Pt. 5	Make Helen Plead with a Higher Power	8h	100 10	Helen Lovejoy
The Joy of Gossip Pt. 6	Get Helen Lovejoy from the Premium Menu	-	100 10	Helen Lovejoy
The Joy of Gossip Pt. 7	Make Helen "Worship" Alongside Rev. Lovejoy	20h	100 10	Helen Lovejoy

Dialogue

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 1

Start

Character	Dialogue
	"Bart! The new issue of Radioactive Woman is out!"
	"Women can't be superheroes! Whoever heard of women in tights?"
	"Supposedly on the cover you can see upper thigh and even, dare I say, lower butt."
	"I think I'm coming around to the idea of female superheroes. It's largely butt related."
	"This is my last copy, and I simply cannot let it go for less than TWENTY DOLLARS!"
	"I also accept Galactic credits, dwarven runes, and microwave burritos."
	"Aw! I had $20, but I spent it on a collection of commemorative state quarters."
	"You spent $20 on $12.50 in quarters?"
	"Markets fluctuate, Lisa. Who knows how much a quarter will be worth next week?"
	"25 cents."
	"Nuts, I don't know anything about finances!"
	"I mean, I talk the talk, but I can't walk the walk. Probably because of all the quarters in my pockets."
	"Well, we're in luck! Helen Lovejoy is up next and she knows more about investments than I know about analogies."

End

This dialogue will only appear if the player doesn't have the Cracker Factory.

Character	Dialogue
	"I've searched everywhere! The Jacuzzi suit store, the American Gladiator's green room, the Shelbyville eyebrow outlet, and I can't find Luann!"
	"We cannot hold an Investorettes meeting without the full membership present."
	"Take it up with the Great Man in the Sky who hasn't forked over the donuts to bring her back to life."
	"Was that Ezekiel 3:17? Bart, I didn't know you were so well versed in Bible quotes."
In Game Message	"Will the Investorettes get two new members? Complete the Investorettes club to find out!"

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 2

Start

Character	Dialogue
	"Helen, my prayers have been answered! You're finally here..."
	"...and holding a perfectly seasoned roast beef sandwich?"
	"No, just me."
	"Well, one of my prayers was answered."
	"Although, you seem troubled by something."
	"It's just, well, I've been in limbo for so long that I feel like I don't even know this town anymore."
	"How has everyone gone about with their business without my nose in it? I need a glass of fresh squeezed juicy gossip!"
	"Perhaps Marge Simpson could be of service. She's both up to speed on the town's affairs, and not up to speed on mine."

Jobs Started

Character	Dialogue
	"Oh, Marge Simpson! How lovely to see you!"
	"I wish I could say the same thing to you, but I promised myself that I wouldn't lie."
	"Oh Marge, you big jokester. So you'll only be lying to yourself from now on then?"
	"But enough about us -- let's talk about other people! Give me the gossip!"
	"Hmmmm..."

End

Character	Dialogue
	"Well, the big news in Springfield is that people seem to be turning up in order of importance."
	"Nonsense. If that's the case I would have been home AGES ago."
	"Would you?"

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 3

Character	Dialogue
	"Order of importance?!"
	"How could I be LESS important than a politician's spoiled nephew or some juvenile delinquents?!? I have a first AND last name for goodness sake."
	"That a perfect lady such as myself, who only thinks of others, could be seen as LESS important than an old, uneducated stripper?"
	"Who are you callin' educated?"
	"I said UN-educated."
	"Oh. Carry on then."
	"What are we teaching our children?!"
	"Oh won't somebody PLEASE think of the children!"

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 4

Start

Character	Dialogue
	"Helen, you are the most important person to me. Isn't that enough?"
	"There's a fire. You can either save me or your Christmas coal train car. Which do you save?"
	"Let's not go down this road again, Helen."
	"I can't believe that fat slob Homer Simpson is the most important person in Springfield."
	"Calm yourself, Helen. He isn't even a premium character."
	"Premium? Oh I like the sound of that!"
	"Clearly, there was a mistake. I should be a premium character!"

End

Character	Dialogue
	"Premium status? Lady, this is the DMV. Does anyone here look premium to you?"
	"Now if you're looking for an eye test or novelty license plate, then maybe we can help."
	"Hmm, perhaps I could use a new license plate."
	"Great! In that case..."
	"...you're in the wrong line."
	"Ugh. Just tell me where to go to get premium status."
	"Only a being of supreme power could grant you premium status. Maybe a postmaster general, but definitely not the DMV."

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 5

Start

Character	Dialogue
	"I don't know why I thought the government was the answer. I need help from a higher power!"
	"God?"
	"What?! Is He in this game before me too?"

Jobs Started

Character	Dialogue
	"Oh great one, hear my wishes!"
	"I've been good, followed all the rules, publically shamed people for the things they do in private, and for this I believe I should be rewarded."

End

Character	Dialogue
	"Look, lady. I don't know who gave you my information, but that's not how things are done around here."
	"There are strategy meetings, lawyers, names picked out of hats..."
	"PLEASE!"
	"Fine! But don't say a nerd never did anything for you."

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 6

Start

Character	Dialogue
	"Now we just have to access your character data from the debug menu and set your status to premium."
	"Although you WILL need to be re-acquired through the Premium Stuff Menu."
	"Is it going to hurt?"
	"No, but there's a small chance it would create a paradox, which could destroy the entire universe!"
	"But, I'd be premium?"
	"If the universe explodes, no one will be premium."
	"That's fine too. Flip the switch!"
	"There is no switch. It's actually a complicated system of 1s and 0s that diverts the CSS stylesheet..."
	"...whatever, it's done."

End

Character	Dialogue
	"It worked! I'm a PREMIUM character! I've never felt so important in all my life."
	"Um, Database, she's not REALLY a premium character... right?"
	"People get mad around here when we change the price of houses. They'd go ballistic over that!"
	"Well, she's not technically premium but... Hey! Look over there!"
	"Ooh! That cloud looks like a rabbit!"
	"Whew. Saved once again by my rabbit-shaped cloud emulation software."

The Joy of Gossip Pt. 7

Character	Dialogue
	"You look to be in much better spirits, my dear."
	"Did you discover some photos of a neighbor in a compromising position?"
	"Oh, much better than that. I just had myself turned premium."
	"Good for you. What do you say I make a reservation at the Gilded Truffle for my gilded lily?"
	"I have a better idea... do you still have that half mattress we got from the Simpsons?"
	"Another reason I'm glad I'm not Catholic!"