The Greatest Story Ever Hissed

The Greatest Story Ever Hissed
Content Update	Rise of the Robots 2021 Event
Level Required	5
Release Date	May 4, 2021
Number of Quests	6

The Greatest Story Ever Hissed is a premium side questline that was released on May 4, 2021, for the Rise of the Robots 2021 Event. It requires the premium character, Carnage Destructicus.

Quests

Quest	Requirements	Time	Reward	Triggered By
The Greatest Story Ever Hissed Pt. 1	Make Carnage Destructicus Follow Cats Around	8h	100 10	Carnage Destructicus
The Greatest Story Ever Hissed Pt. 2	Make Carnage Destructicus Follow Cats Again	4h	100 10	Carnage Destructicus
The Greatest Story Ever Hissed Pt. 3	Make Carnage Destructicus Destroy Garbage Make Hippie Get Excited, Man*	4h 4h	100 10	Carnage Destructicus
The Greatest Story Ever Hissed Pt. 4	Make Homer Fail to Jump the River on an Electric Scooter Make Carnage Destructicus Save Homer Make Bestimus Mucho Be Surprised**	60m 60m 60m	100 10	Carnage Destructicus
The Greatest Story Ever Hissed Pt. 5	Make Carnage Destructicus Follow Crazy Cat Lady Faithfully Make Bestimus Mucho Question This Whole Faith Thing** Make Crazy Cat Lady Try to Ditch the Robots***	4h 4h 4h	100 10	Carnage Destructicus
The Greatest Story Ever Hissed Pt. 6	Make Carnage Destructicus Storm Off in Disillusionment Make Crazy Cat Lady Watch Him Go***	2h 2h	200 20	Carnage Destructicus

*Only appears if the player has Hippie.
**Only appears if the player has Bestimus Mucho.
***Only appears if the player has Crazy Cat Lady.

Dialogue

The Greatest Story Ever Hissed Pt. 1

Start

Character	Dialogue
	I, Carnage Destructicus, the most formidable of the pos-i-bots, want for nothing. My only desire is to be the greatest robotic warrior, and I am that!
	Nothing can shake my faith in my own greatness! I – eh, where are those cats going?
	*meow*
	Hmm...it's as if they are beckoning me to follow them. But to where...?

End

Character	Dialogue
	What is this strange domicile they have led me to?
	Aiiieeea flaghor blahjarg!
	What sort of vulgar form of communication is that? Are you challenging me, the mighty Carnage Destructicus, to battle?!
	Shraaaeg rarahrah menarag!
	Ah, I think I begin to understand. You call Carnage Destructicus to some higher purpose...

The Greatest Story Ever Hissed Pt. 2

Start

Character	Dialogue
	Hissarrag naragarr!
	Yes...I understand. You wish to call Carnage Destructicus to action! Whom would you have Carnage Destructicus fight?
	Larrasharag rarrarahar mraaaranerg!
	I see. First I must prove my worth through a quest! Carnage Destructicus shall answer the call.
	*reowrar*
	Lead on, noble herald!

The Greatest Story Ever Hissed Pt. 3

Start

Character	Dialogue
	What is this foul-smelling place to which you have led me?
	Hey man, it's a monument to the waste and, like, destructivity of consumer culture, man!
	The old woman with the cats is easier to understand than your prattling. Stand aside!
	*mreowr*
	I see, this mountain of rubbish is to be my adversary.
	Heck yeah, man! Reuse and recycle!

End

Character	Dialogue
	Whoa, man! You annihilated that garbage!
	But to what end? Was this a pointless errand? Is the old crone with the cats simply mad?
	Dude! There were more cats trapped under there and you totally rescued them!
	I see! So she is indeed a prophet!

The Greatest Story Ever Hissed Pt. 4

Start

Character	Dialogue
	Hey man, why are you standing in the middle of the river?
	I was instructed to stand here by the great prophet, the old woman with all the cats.
	A crazy cat lady told you to stand around in some water...and you're just doing it?
	She is wise in ways beyond your comprehension.
	Uh...right. Okay, you stick around here and be wet, me and the boys are gonna go roll down to Jet Lube and get oiled up.
	My faith will be rewarded. You shall see.

End

Character	Dialogue
	AAAAAAAAAH!
	Be at ease, human, for Carnage Destructicus was here to catch you thanks to the vision of the great prophet.
	Oh. Uh, thanks.
	Whoa! She totally knew what was gonna happen!
	Oh, come on. What are the odds that a crazy old cat lady predicted this fat guy would fall off that cliff and so she sent a robot here to help him?
	Now that you say it out loud... I can't believe how prescient she is!
	Come, my friends! Follow me to the prophet!

The Greatest Story Ever Hissed Pt. 5

Start

Character	Dialogue
	O wise prophet! I return with more followers. Please bestow your wisdom upon us!
	Yeah, tell us what's gonna happen next!
	Ariiiiirrarar! *walks away*
	Why is she walking away from us?
	I don't think she wants us around.
	No, my friends. It is a test!
	Gyarrrararr! *walks faster*

End

Character	Dialogue
	*breaks into a run*
	Worry not, prophet! The faith of Carnage Destructicus cannot be shaken!
	This is stupid. C'mon, guys, let's get out of here!
	You said it. Good luck with your "prophet", Carnage CHUMPicus!
	Ignore them, prophet, I – Wait, come back!
	She is unusually fast for an old woman carrying that many cats.

The Greatest Story Ever Hissed Pt. 6

Start

Character	Dialogue
	I do not understand, prophet! Why did you show me the way and the light only to abandon me now and withhold your vision?!
	*insulting hiss*
	Fine! So Bestimus Mucho was right and it was all coincidence and the madness of a woman so lonely she surrounds herself with cats!
	You have made a fool of Carnage Destructicus, but you have lost the last person who had any regard for you. Enjoy your solitude and your cats!

End

Character	Dialogue
	Well I tried, boss, but none of 'em has any staying power.
	Ah, don't sweat it. This is pretty much what I expected.
	Trying to get into the ol' prophet business, eh?
	It worked so well for you back in the day, I thought I would give it a shot. I guess faith's just not a growth market, you know?
	I hear that. C'mon, let's go get some perogies – my treat.