Snake may have run off for now, but he'll be back. We need to protect the town.
If we want fool-proof, iron-clad protection from those who would harm us, there is really only one thing to do...
Don't say “build a church” don't say “build a church” don't say “build a church”...
We'll build a church! When you're in trouble, nothing screams “Lord, help me first, before those other people!” like a brand new church.
In the old west, we don't build churches. We build Missions.
Missions? Aren't those a little C-c-c-c-c-c-atholic?
End[]
Character
Dialogue
Would you look at that? There's a Triple Eagle gold coin inside the mission!
The Gold, the Dad, and the Gummy Pt. 2[]
Character
Dialogue
I saw the gold coin first! It's mine!
Any gold found inside the town limits is subject to tax. Also, the Mayor gets to rub said gold against his cheek and call it his precious. Very old law. Very important.
People, we can't come unglued every time we stumble upon an old coin.
Don't listen to her! Come unglued! Youse guys, riot on those guys. I'm going to smash that lamppost with a baseball bat until doing that fixes society.
WHY ARE WE FIGHTING EACH OTHER WHEN SNAKE IS STILL OUT THERE????
The Gold, the Dad, and the Gummy Pt. 3[]
Character
Dialogue
Principal Skinner, you've got to help defend Springfield against Snake and his outlaw gang!
If you need a hero, Springfield has better options. Disco Stu, for example. Or Crazy Cat Lady. Even Total Coward Dan is significantly braver than me.
Well, you have a gun, don't you? Didn't the NRA sponsor some bill requiring you to be packing any time you're on school grounds?
I can't even smile at a kindergartener unless I'm carrying an anti-tank missile.
Then come with me! And bring any weapons you've got!
Gummy Joe! Will you stand with me?
Why me? I’m old. I’m not that popular. If I disappeared tomorrow, Springfield wouldn’t suffer.
BECAUSE you’re old. BECAUSE no one likes you. BECAUSE you seem to be around whenever a gold coin turns up.
Rousing words! I'll do it!
The Gold, the Dad, and the Gummy Pt. 4[]
Character
Dialogue
People of Springfield! The day of, like, reckoning is upon you! Totally.
Tell me where the gold is, and nobody gets hurt.
Why Snake say “nobody get hurt?” Brutus want hurt people.
Brutus, look--
Don't “Brutus, look” Brutus. Terms of Brutus employment very clear: “Brutus shall render people-hurting services to the Snake Gang, Ltd. (hereafter, ‘SGL'). Brutus will have--“
I know what the contract says.
BRUTUS NOT FINISHED. “Brutus will have full discretion as to severity and breadth of Brutus people-hurting.”
Brutus confused. Contract language seem crystal clear. Maybe Brutus make mistake?
No, no. Technically you're right.
Oh, so good of Snake to tell Brutus he right! When Brutus KNOW he right because Brutus READ CONTRACT.
Okay, everybody. Time out. I need to sort a few things out with my gang.
The Gold, the Dad, and the Gummy Pt. 6[]
Start[]
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Dialogue
Sorry I let you think there was a massive pile of gold coins out there to discover.
I just wanted you to build Old Springfield, so your kids could learn valuable frontier skills.