Make the Blue-Haired Lawyer Deliver Lawsuits To Local Businesses
24h
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 6
Make Apu Attend Negotiations Make Krusty Attend Negotiations Make Moe Attend Negotiations Make the Blue Haired Lawyer Attend Negotiations Make Homer Attend Negotiations
4h
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 7
Make Apu Negotiate in Secret Make Krusty Negotiate in Secret Make Moe Negotiate in Secret Make Homer Negotiate in Secret
"Hello there! Did I hear a minor complaint about local business, ripe for a lawsuit?"
"Were you just hiding in the bushes?"
"No, those bushes were just blocking my stealthy crouch. I'm taking them to court!" "And sir, frozen brain syndrome is no laughing matter. Why just last year, fewer than 7 people died of it." "And I would be happy to help you receive the financial justice you deserve."
"What's-a-matter Homer? You didn't see one off those Victorian-era ghosts again, did you? 'Cause those were just albino hipsters."
"No... I'm... fine..." *gasp* "I mean I just... chocked on one of your pretzels."
"Pretzel? Where do you think you are? The Ritz? We don't have the money to stock pretzels, with their fancy curves. If it doesn't pickle, I don't serve it."
"Maybe it was a pickled pretzel?"
"If I may interject, my client appears to have chocked on a food product served in your establishment."
"I see how it is. The ol' slip n' fall. The din n' trip. The choke n' sue." "Well, I'm assembling my legal counsel right now - two shells for my shotgun. Any objections?"
"Hi, friends. Isn't it nice, all of us hanging out outside of work?"
"Can it, Homer. I've already replaced you with a shaved bear and he makes way less of mess in the bathroom."
"My client will not be intimidated by your verbal abuse. Although he will sue for intimidation."
"Mr. Simpson, surely we can settle this like we do in India - accept your fate, live with your head down and be rewarded in the afterlife."
"Why are you listening to this guy, Homer. We've got your best interests at heart - booze and fried food, day in and day out."
"He told me I could get rich by doing basically nothing! You know how my two dreams in my life are to be rich and lazy."
"Leave being rich for the rich. A schlub like you would probably fill his swimming pool with water."
"I'm afraid this meeting is over, and I need to itemize Mr. Simpsons's bill. Three angry men - $10,000. Table - $3,000. Oxygen we are breathing - $500."
"You guys are still coming to my BBQ, right? Slam the door in my face if you are."
"I don't want to *hic* sue you guys. But that lawyer, with all his technical terms like stapler and *hic* three-hole punch..."
"Oh lawyers - one minute they're your best friend. The next, they're suing you for accidentally chopping off their hands."
"You've got to do what millions of Americans do everyday. You've got to get drunk and hope this all magically disappears."
"Yeah! I'm going to forget this lawsuit like I did my regular suit, when I left it at the cleaners."
"I am so relieved I can hardly believe it! I thought I would have to mark up all the prices in Kwik-E-Mart to pay for this law suit!" "Oh, what the heck, since I am feeling so cheerful I will mark them up anyway!"
"While I was hiding in the bushes, I overhead those business owners convince Homer to blow me off." "I ought to sue him for everything he's worth..." "...which apparently is negative $10,000."
"You there! Blue-haired man crouched behind that shrub! Your dead eyes and bitter sneer suggest you are a lawyer?"
"Not to mention my humorless bench ads!"
"Ooh... I like your nasal accent." "How's your conscience? I need an employee that will cater to my every whim, no matter how sick or twisted they may be."
"But Mr. Burns, what about me?!"
"You should have thought about this before you told me I couldn't open my plane window because it would "kill us all."
"Personally I'd sue the airline and the plane manufacturer for the lack of personal window options on every plane."