The Devil Wears Blue
January 16, 2014
The Devil Wears Blue is a quest that features the Blue Haired Lawyer.
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 1
Homer Get Squishee Brain-Freeze
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 2
Blue Haired Lawyer Hatch Plans with Homer
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 3
Krusty Burger Make Homer Eat at Krusty Burger
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 4
Moe's Tavern Make Homer Choke on a Pretzel
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 5
Make the Blue-Haired Lawyer Deliver Lawsuits To Local Businesses
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 6
Apu Attend Negotiations Make Krusty Attend Negotiations Make Moe Attend Negotiations Make the Blue Haired Lawyer Attend Negotiations Make Homer Attend Negotiations
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 7
Make Apu Negotiate in Secret
Make Krusty Negotiate in Secret Make Moe Negotiate in Secret Make Homer Negotiate in Secret
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 8
Make Homer Avoid the Lawyer
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 9
Make Blue-Haired Lawyer Look Unimpressed
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 10
Mr. Burns Blue-Haired Lawyer Dino Ride
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 1 [ edit | edit source ]
"Ooh! There's a new flavor of Squishee at the Kwik-E-Mart!"
"Eww Dad. This label says the main ingredient is mop water."
"Finally, a Squishee I can make at home. Lisa, go tell your mother to start mopping!"
"I hate to be a noisy neighboreeno!"
"Owww! My brain feels like it's frozen."
"It's just like brain-freeze, dad."
"That doesn't sound right."
"Hello there! Did I hear a minor complaint about local business, ripe for a lawsuit?"
"Were you just hiding in the bushes?"
"No, those bushes were just blocking my stealthy crouch. I'm taking them to court!" "And sir, frozen brain syndrome is no laughing matter. Why just last year, fewer than 7 people died of it." "And I would be happy to help you receive the financial justice you deserve."
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 2 [ edit | edit source ]
"Dad, let's go. Remember your New Year's resolution of not trusting people who pop out of bushes.
"No, Lisa. That resolution was for shrubs. Bushes are fine."
"I'm not proposing anything illegal. Just your father an injury to become undeservedly rich off of other people's hard-earned cash."
"That is totally illegal! Dad, he's just trying to profit from your stupidity."
"Why if I had a dime for every time someone took advantage of my stupidity -"
"Sir, I believe I'm legally entitled to a percentage of the dime in question. As well as all future dimes."
"See, Lisa, he's what's known as a go-getter. Now let the grown-ups discuss how Daddy can make a quick, questionably legal buck."
"So, all I have to do is get hurt in different shops around town and you'll let me have 30% of all the money we sue for?"
"That's right, 30%!"
"...minus my expenses, my hourly rate, my retainer, and my teenage daughter's retainer."
"I happily accept your less-than-generous offer!"
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 3 [ edit | edit source ]
"As legal council. I recommend you head to you nearest unsanitary dining establishment."
"Krusty Burger it is! I love those thin brown crunchy things they have."
"A moment on the lips, a lifetime... struggling with life-threatening digestive problems."
"I guess I'm going to have to sue this fine establishment for all the delicious pain and suffering it has caused me."
"What?! I heard that!" "You can't sue me! Every burger you buy comes wrapped in an ironclad contract."
"Once you bite into that burger, you have legally consented to consuming any non-food products including diseases."
"Blast. Foiled by foil!"
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 4 [ edit | edit source ]
"Alright Homer. I have a task so simple that even you can't mess it up."
"People usually regret saying that to me."
"All you have to do is drink a beer, watch the game, and hang out with friends at your favorite watering hole."
"...and then choke on a pretzel as you slip off your bar stool and bang your head on the ground."
"What's-a-matter Homer? You didn't see one off those Victorian-era ghosts again, did you? 'Cause those were just albino hipsters."
"No... I'm... fine..." *gasp* "I mean I just... chocked on one of your pretzels."
"Pretzel? Where do you think you are? The Ritz? We don't have the money to stock pretzels, with their fancy curves. If it doesn't pickle, I don't serve it."
"Maybe it was a pickled pretzel?"
"If I may interject, my client appears to have chocked on a food product served in your establishment."
"I see how it is. The ol' slip n' fall. The din n' trip. The choke n' sue." "Well, I'm assembling my legal counsel right now - two shells for my shotgun. Any objections?"
"This won't be the last you see of us!"
"Yeah, I'll probably come back tomorrow."
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 5 [ edit | edit source ]
"All I need is your John Hancock and I'll be ready to deliver the lawsuits, Mr. Simpson."
"Just write your name."
"Can I sign with an X?"
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 6 [ edit | edit source ]
"I cannot believe that Mr. Simpson is suing me! After I kindly allowed him to eat the hot dogs I dropped on the floor. At the full price.
"Yeah, me too! He was only one burger away from joining the Krusty Burger VIP Club. You get to eat the same burger behind a velvet rope."
"I'm sure Homer would listen to us, if we came as friends rather than foes.
"I ain't Homer's friend. Not anymore! I'm sanding his butt groove out of his favorite stool."
"That's the spirit - we don't need him. There are plenty of fat slobs in this town. Homer's banned from Krusty Burgers nationwide INCLUDING GUAM."
"Without grease or alcohol, Homer won't last a day."
"Hi, friends. Isn't it nice, all of us hanging out outside of work?"
"Can it, Homer. I've already replaced you with a shaved bear and he makes way less of mess in the bathroom."
"My client will not be intimidated by your verbal abuse. Although he will sue for intimidation."
"Mr. Simpson, surely we can settle this like we do in India - accept your fate, live with your head down and be rewarded in the afterlife."
"Why are you listening to this guy, Homer. We've got your best interests at heart - booze and fried food, day in and day out."
"He told me I could get rich by doing basically nothing! You know how my two dreams in my life are to be rich and lazy."
"Leave being rich for the rich. A schlub like you would probably fill his swimming pool with water."
"I'm afraid this meeting is over, and I need to itemize Mr. Simpsons's bill. Three angry men - $10,000. Table - $3,000. Oxygen we are breathing - $500."
"You guys are still coming to my BBQ, right? Slam the door in my face if you are."
"Door slam - $1,000."
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 7 [ edit | edit source ]
"That's it! Homer's gonna play hardball, then I'm going to have to brush up on my sports analogies."
"We need to get Homer alone. We can fool... I mean reason with Homer when he's by himself."
"Exactly. Deep down, underneath layer after layer after layer after layer of fat, he's a good man."
"I know, let's invite Homer to the Gulp'N'Blow for a meal..."
"Yeah, maybe if we butter him up a little, we can convince him to drop the lawsuits. It usually works with my secretaries."
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 8 [ edit | edit source ]
"I don't want to *hic* sue you guys. But that lawyer, with all his technical terms like stapler and *hic* three-hole punch..."
"Oh lawyers - one minute they're your best friend. The next, they're suing you for accidentally chopping off their hands."
"You've got to do what millions of Americans do everyday. You've got to get drunk and hope this all magically disappears."
"Yeah! I'm going to forget this lawsuit like I did my regular suit, when I left it at the cleaners."
"I am so relieved I can hardly believe it! I thought I would have to mark up all the prices in Kwik-E-Mart to pay for this law suit!" "Oh, what the heck, since I am feeling so cheerful I will mark them up anyway!"
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 9 [ edit | edit source ]
"While I was hiding in the bushes, I overhead those business owners convince Homer to blow me off." "I ought to sue him for everything he's worth..." "...which apparently is negative $10,000."
The Devil Wears Blue Pt. 10 [ edit | edit source ]
"You there! Blue-haired man crouched behind that shrub! Your dead eyes and bitter sneer suggest you are a lawyer?"
"Not to mention my humorless bench ads!"
"Ooh... I like your nasal accent." "How's your conscience? I need an employee that will cater to my every whim, no matter how sick or twisted they may be."
"But Mr. Burns, what about me?!"
"You should have thought about this before you told me I couldn't open my plane window because it would "kill us all."
"Personally I'd sue the airline and the plane manufacturer for the lack of personal window options on every plane."
"Excellent. You're hired."