Thankless Thanksgiving Pt. 1
Make Sacagawea Lisa Sulk
Thankless Thanksgiving Pt. 2
Make Homer Find a Nice Turkey on Cletus's Farm
Thankless Thanksgiving Pt. 3
Make Homer Organize a Search Party for Missing Turkeys
Thankless Thanksgiving Pt. 4
Make Moe, Ned, and Homer Hunt for Turkeys
Thankless Thanksgiving Pt. 5
Make Springfielders Attend a Wake for Thanksgiving (x10)
Thankless Thanksgiving Pt. 6
Make Sacagawea Lisa Care for Kidnapped Turkeys
Thankless Thanksgiving Pt. 7
Make Sacagawea Lisa Take a Trip to Cletus’s Farm
Thankless Thanksgiving Pt. 8
Make Cletus Whittle a Turkey Caller
Thankless Thanksgiving Pt. 9
Make Sacagawea Lisa Call Turkeys (x10) Collect Turkeys (x10)
Thankless Thanksgiving Pt. 10
Make Sacagawea Lisa Go to her Room
Thankless Thanksgiving Pt. 11
Make Sacagawea Lisa Mourn Thanksgiving Turkey Massacre
Thankless Thanksgiving Pt. 12
Make Lisa Enjoy a Turkey-Free Thanksgiving Make Homer, Marge and Bart Endure a Turkey-Free Thanksgiving
"What's the weird paper stuff in the mailbox?"
"It's called "mail."
"You mean they invented a paper version of electronic mail? Science is amazing! Ooh! A big "mail"! Maybe it's full of more "paper"."
"It's a Sacagawea costume I ordered. I saved up all my Sacagawea dollars to pay for it."
"Honey, the dollar doesn't have Sacawhoever on it. It has George Washington, the inventor of money."
"I wanted to dress up as Sacagawea to celebrate the rich cultural history of Thanksgiving."
"A white girl dressing up like a native American? I don't know, that sounds a little racist to me."
"Just give me the costume."
"That costume looks great on you Lisa. You're the cutest racist I've ever seen!"
"Stop calling me that!"
"If I walked around pretending to be W.E.B. Dubois, whoever that is, you'd call ME racist."
"That's true...but...because...cultural...something...I SPENT ALL MY MONEY ON THIS COSTUME!!"
"Wampum, sweetie. You spent all your wampum on this costume."
"Dad, I was thinking...maybe this year we could have a vegetarian Thanksgiving."
"So just because you feel guilty about walking around in a racist costume, I have to suffer?"
"STOP CALLING ME RACIST!!!"
"How about "racish?" The "ish" means it's not fully racist, but still a little."
"Talking to you I feel an even deeper connection with oppressed peoples everywhere."
"Great, maybe you can dress up as them next." "In the meantime, don't change the only thing we know about Thanksgiving: THEY ATE TURKEY."
*Sigh* "I'm the only animal rights activist in this whole town."
"Hey Apu! Turkey me!"
"Oh but that I could turkey you, Mr. Homer."
"Unfortunately none of my ususal brands of turkeys were delivered. Not the Butterbutts, not the Gobbler Deluxe, not even a single Drumstick King."
"If you want a Thanksgiving turkey, your only hope is to go to a farm and buy one."
"You mean... ME turkey me?"
"Hey Cletus, hook me up with your fattest most juicy turkey!"
"Want me to kill it and pluck it for ya?"
"Why should you have all the fun? I've got a beheading axe in the car... barely used."
"Well, the turkey's out back. Don't forget to drain the blood."
"Please. Ending the life of turkeys by draining their blood is my life blood."
"You a silly feller all right I reckon."
"Hey ding-dong, there's no turkeys out there. Just meth labs and kids smoking meth. And a lot of meth just lying around."
"My gobblers has been taken?! Oh, this is terrible! I'm so sad, I'm gonna need me a whole lotta meth."
"No Cletus, this is one problem meth can't solve. Did anything strange happen that could explain the missing turkeys?"
"Couple a nights ago I was milkin' the cow, and smokin' meth, in the barn when I sees bright lights."
"ALIENS! They must have been kidnapped by aliens!"
"Why would we eat the dry meat of turkets when we can gorge ourselves on the tender flesh of turkey-fattened humans?"
"Turkey-fattened humans are our foie gras!"
"What about regular foie gras?"
"We would never eat that! It's cruel!"
"Something terrible has happened! I don't have blood on my hands!"
"That sounds like a good thing. Please let it be a good thing."
"No, the blood on my hands that I crave is turkey blood. But all of the live turkeys are missing!"
"What about a vegetarian turkey? A tofurkey? Or a seitan-urkey? Or a spelt-urkey?"
"How about a barf-urkey with extra barf sauce and a side of barf stuffing, barf potatoes and barfberry jelly with barf pie a la barf for dessert?"
"Vegan food doesn't taste like barf. Except quinoa."
"Don't worry. I'll get back our turkeys, with an old-fashioned turkey hunt." "Now where do we keep our dynamite?"
"Gentlemen. We are about to embark on the most important mission of our lives."
"Oh dear! Did a child go missing? Did an elderly person with dementia wander off?"
"Did some kinda monkey with a deadly virus escape from a secret lab and we gotta capture it alive to create an antidote before it turns us into Planet of the Apes?"
"Worse. And different. All the turkeys in Springfield have gone missing. It’s up to us to hunt them down, otherwise this year’s Thanksgiving will be….Vegetarian!"
"We can’t find the turkeys anywhere!"
"God will be so sad that we aren’t eating his blessed creatures on a day celebrating the stealing of a land from his other blessed creatures."
"On the bright side, I did find a diseased monkey that might or might not have turned us into a Planet of the Apes. I hired it to work the bar."
"I think it’s time to face facts. This Thanksgiving, we won’t be eating anything with a face."
"It just doesn’t feel like Thanksgiving without turkey."
"Deliciously decapitated turkey."
"With sauces made from its death drippings."
"Let’s face it. Without a dead turkey, it’s Thanksgiving itself that’s dead."
"Everyone seems to think Thanksgiving is all about gluttony and ceaseless consumption." "A sparse, frugal and healthy meal of steamed Swiss Chard and assorted other international chards should cure them of their obsession with meat." "Without dead flesh in their stomachs, Springfielders will experience a heightened sense of peace and well-being." "And so will I…as I hang out with the living turkeys I’ve hidden in the brown house!" *sneaky chuckle*
"Oh no! The turkeys are gone! They must have escaped while I was feeling self-satisfied!"
"Except this little gobbler, who fell asleep listening to one of my many tiresome speeches to myself. Don’t worry little turkey! I’ll find your friends and save them from becoming part of this carnivorous festival of death!"
"Oh…, my self-involved monologue must have put him to sleep. Maybe I can get some help from someone who actually knows about animals, instead of just talking about them all the time."
"Cletus, chould you share your country wisdom so that I might find escaped turkeys?"
"Don't you patronize me."
"I knows when a city feller is talking down to me. I’m country, not stupid."
"You’re right…I’m sorry. You’re not stupid."
"I'm just joshin' ya. I is stupid! Powerful stupid!"
"To catch a Turkey, you'd need a Turkey caller."
"Do you have a turkey caller I can...borrow?"
"Borrow? That’s communist talk! I’ll trade you one for some of those foot-bags you got."
"You mean shoes?"
"No! Your foot bags!!!"
"What a funny looking contraption. UGH! And the sound is so incredibly annoying!"
"Funny looking and annoying? Is it a Lisa?" *laughs* *more laughs* *even more laughs*
"What the heck is all that gobbling?"
"Gobbling? It’s…uh…goblins! Yea, goblins! Happy Halloween! Trick or Treat! Boooo!"
"Halloween goblins? Happy Halloween everyone! Wait, this isn’t the Halloween update! It’s the Thanksgiving update."
"I thought I heard some Halloween goblins, but it turns out it's..." "... MY TURKEYS!!!"
"Umm…dad…you know how the turkeys have been missing for a while now? I kidnapped them. And then I locked them up in the Brown House. And then they escaped."
"HALLELUJAH! Thanksgiving IS saved! And also, GO TO YOUR ROOM!"
"You should be ashamed of yourself, young lady. Trying to rob Springfield of its God-given right to turkey dinner!"
"All I wanted to do was save a few innocent lives."
"As further punishment, I will wear your Sacagawea costume in a scarcastic fashion."
"This is the worst Thanksgiving ever!"
"No, it's the worst Thanksgiving yet."
"WOO HOO! Thanksgiving is back on!"
"You mean Turkey-geddon is back on?"
"Oh Lisa. Don't be such a Thanksgiving-pooper. At least I gave you your costume back."
"It's stretched out like a circus tent and smells like pork chops. So yeah, Dad, thanks."
"Ohhh, I hate seeing my children doing a guilt-trip job."
"Homie... Our poor little Lisa... I haven't seen her this sad in ages."
*grumble* "Oh fine! We can have a turkey-free Thanksgiving this year."
"Yes. Really. If..." "... I can eat a whole cow for Christmas!"
"I wants you to keep this turkey as a re-ward."
"You know who really deserves this turkey?"
"The real life player who wasted his hard-earned money buying imaginary pictures from a 25-year old TV show?"
"No... Me. You were right the first time."