"Woohoo! St. Patrick's Day is coming! The day we all pub crawl to celebrate St. Patrick and whatever he was or did." "Too bad you can't pub crawl in a town with only one pub."
"Didn't you and Grampa buy a pub when we went to Ireland?"
"I miss that place. Sometimes I wish you could just press a button and build the buildings you wish were built."
"This don't look like Ireland. Where are the Bonos? Where are The Edges?"
"Tom O'Flanagan! Welcome to America!"
"America, is it?" "Well, one debt-ridden, overly-religious craphole's as good as the next, I s'pose."
"O'Flanagan's Pub is open for business!"
"Hold on, laddy. Runnin' a pub is no picnic! It's hard work -- work that takes arbitrary lengths of time to complete!"
"I'm a guy who needs six hours to lounge in a pool but only six SECONDS to clean up nuclear waste. I know arbitrary, okay?"
"And there's other tasks that might seem, well, a wee bit pointless. Like they don't necessarily aid in running a business..."
"Saw me a little green fella this morning - and not a drop of moonshine the night before."
"That must be a leprechaun! According to Irish folklore, they're miniature old men who frequently have pots of gold."
"By "gold" do you mean grind currency or donuts?"
"Neither, I jut mean gold."
"But that's worth nothing in our world!"
"Still, it would be nice to have a Leprechaun in our town. We should build a wishing well to entice one!"
"Premium character, am I? Ain't that a fine thing?"
"I only hope Americans have as a unhealthy a relationship with alcohol as my countrymen."
"That was a fine craic! Time to rest my heels."
"I'd love to get the gang together for another boozefest. We always black out and have some presumably great times."
"What's stopping ya?"
"Marge says you can only do fun stuff in moderation for some stupid reason."
"We had moderation in Ireland. Then the economy went belly-up, and we gave self-destruction a try. Best move we ever made."
"Hey Willie, bet you're proud to have your very own Irish bar in Springfield?"
"I'm not Irish, I'm Scottish! We're totally different kinds of English-haters!"
"You both talk funny. That's pretty strong evidence you're the same people."
"Now I'm lookin' for a fight."
"Lookin' for a fight, Scot?"
"Kind of you to notice, Irish."
"Guys, guys! You're Americans now! Here, the Scottish and Irish put aside their differences." "And unite with all Americans of European descent in looking down on OTHER immigrant groups." "Whose only crime is arriving here a few years later than we did. Which is the worst crime ever."
"*Sniff* That's beautiful..."
"Give us a hug, Willie!"
"Oohhh, my head! I never thought I'd say this, but this holiday involves too much drinking."
"Homer, to thank you for uniting us Gaels, Willie and I created a special gift for you... using his groundskeeping abilities and my Irishness!"
"We've put it in your storage."
"Please. Not so loud, guys."