Make Quimby Watch the Go-Kart Races Collect Participation Ribbons (x56)
3h -
100 10 Go-Kart Betting
Auto
Go-Kart Racing
Place a Bet on a Go-Kart Race
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100 10
Auto
Dialogue[]
Springfield Games Pt. 1[]
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No one wants to help me! I can't put on these Springfield Games all by myself. It's not like a production of my one woman show – Sax, the Facts.
Everyone better help my little girl or I'll make us play Tap Ball again!
Oh God no! My Tap Ball flashbacks are way worse than my Nam ones. You can have the school gym for training and events.
Finally, those kids who fail their classes aren't the only ones lucky enough to be in school during summer!
Now I just need suggestions for events. So far I have one request for Tap Ball and 102 requests for anything but Tap Ball.
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We have 12 suggestions but they are a little weird… Footvolley? Shin-Kicking? Get-Out-Of-My Way-I-Don't-Want-To-Participate-In-Your-Survey Ball?
No normal sports like Rugby Sevens or Canoeing or Handball?
Bart, this is an "unsanctioned" Springfield Games – we're not limited by reason. Why not use all 12 ideas and have a decathlon?
Dad, 12 events would be a Dodecathlon.
Lisa, shut your mouth. Math has no place in sports - ask any baseball fan.
Springfield Games Pt. 2[]
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Lisa, if I could suggest a lucky 13th event, what about Go-Karts?
I don't know. That would require cars, roads, working brakes - it all sounds so expensive.
Just think, each inevitable Go-Kart fatality means one less school lunch you have to budget for next year.
Plus Miss Springfield could be the flag girl!
Lisa, I, err, demand we add Kid Go-Kart races to the Springfield Games.
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Children, listen. If you wish to excel at racing, you must be trained by Lugash.
Don't you want to train the actual adults?
Lugash cannot teach adults. They know how to stand up for themselves. Plus anyone over the age of 12 is too old for sports, says experts in field. Namely Lugash.
Come, let us train in secret. So no one can hear you crying.
Springfield Games Pt. 3[]
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These 12 events are not going to be easy! Especially for a town so lazy it has a drive-thru gym… however that works.
I refuse to compete in anything other than a kilt. And I'm not wearing a cup either.
Will there be any drug testing in these Springfield Games? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm excused from training – I have a note from my mother. She says I'm already a failure, so technically I can't win.
Adults are weak! Like babies! That is why Lugash only trains toddlers to tweens! Now to electrify my students with inspiration, and this cattle prod.
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Wow, things are really starting to come together. We have sports, athletes, uniforms, but I can't help but feeling like I'm forgetting something…
You forgot the real reason why we have a Springfield Games at all! Overpriced merchandise to sell to tourists!
Springfield Games Pt. 4[]
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Dad, you were selected by the town to light the Springfield Games flame.
That's so sweet. They must love me.
The torch is a flaming tire from the Tire Fire. And the contest was ‘Nominate the Person Dumb Enough to Accept This Honor.'
And they chose me over Cletus. I'm so touched.
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Oh God. I almost died!
We told you about the flaming tire.
But nobody warned me about all the walking!
There were stairs too! STAIRS!
Springfield Games Pt. 5[]
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Now that the flame is lit I hereby declare that the Springfield Games have begun!
The events will be: Tug of War, then a Sack-Race...
Followed by Shin-Kicking...
Footvolley...
And Eukonkanto...
Chess boxing...
Cheese rolling...
Listening to this list better be an event. Cause I'm exhausted.
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This event *gasp* won't end! How many things are we *pant* supposed to do!?
It's a dodecathlon! Twelve *pant* events. I can't go on…
None of these *hic* bottles have beer in them. What is this clear *pant* tasteless liquid?
I haven't even fired the starter pistol. All you've done is walked from the locker room to the gym.
Springfield Games Pt. 6[]
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The Springfield Games are a disaster! Why did I assume this town was in good enough shape to compete in any athletic event, let alone 12!
It's not a complete disaster. There's still one event left!
Go-Karts! Of course. We'll open up the race to the adults.
Now is your chance, children. Prove to adults that you're not just the future, but also the present!
Your birth crushed their dreams, now let your Go-Karts crush their bodies!
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The winner of the Go-Kart Race, and the Springfield Games is Bart...
Followed by Martin, Milhouse, and then Nelson!
You see! Suffering breeds success, much like Lugash breeds snapping turtles. I am a man of many passions.
Congratulations boys. Here are your prizes – gift cards!
You would have had medals but medal-smithing was the 11th Dodecathalon event and no one came close to finishing.
Go-Kart Racing[]
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Fixing children's Go-Kart Races. This is almost as low as when we held that baby's nose hostage for weeks.
You there, you look like a smart lad. You're going to throw this race in the third lap.
That's cheating! I refuse. It's man's code of ethics that separates us from the animals.
Do it or I'll break your legs.
Caving on your principles out of fear is another thing that separates us from the animals.
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I'm glad you came around to my way of thinking, kid.
I didn't mean to lose! I thought I was sure to win with trigonometry on my side. I guess math isn't the steroid I thought it was.
Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night. For me, it's a white noise machine.