Make Anger Watkins Choke Down a Double Krusty Burger
2h
100 10
Anger Watkins
Sportscasted Pt. 5
Make Anger Watkins Provide Political Commentary Make Brockman Provide Political Commentary
12h 12h
200 20
Anger Watkins
Dialogue[]
Sportscasted Pt. 1[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
My life is sports. Watching sports on TV, yelling at the TV, then coming to work and yelling on TV about what I saw on TV.
And now you want me to cover things other than sports? This whole thing is making Anger angry!
Anger drives ratings. I decided this after great thought, while waiting for the restaurant valet to bring my car around. It’s happening.
End[]
Character
Dialogue
…and the Pope admitted he was flashing gang signs in the photo.
And now, over to our new weatherman, Anger Watkins. What can we expect tomorrow Anger?
Expect disappointment, sorrow, and dark moods full of rolling fury. Expect a total and complete sapping of your once-thriving spirit. Also a little rain in the evening. Take an umbrella.
Sportscasted Pt. 2[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
You're not Brockman. Was he fired? If so, I get his parking spot and coffee mug – it’s in my contract!
Your greedy ambition reminds me of a certain championship quarterback. I’ve just been brought in to jack the ratings with my repertoire of fuming and venting.
Maybe I’ll start with this story about a new park opening. A complete waste of grass, trees, and fresh air! That’s right, I root for concrete!
End[]
Character
Dialogue
Anger Watkins here at Springfield's Retirement Castle, where a local group brought cats to play with the seniors.
They're a blessing. With their whiskers and sullen dispositions. Oh wait, that’s Jasper.
Why are these wrinkled layabouts hoarding the cats that hard-working people should be holding and scratching behind the neck?
A poor allocation of our cat resources and an absolute joke! More on this breaking story tonight at six.
Sportscasted Pt. 3[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
Finally, an assignment appropriate for my broadcasting skills. Anger Watkins, food critic.
I order, I eat, someone else pays, I complain into a camera, and someone pays me. The one time this bloated, mistaken rock named Earth acts like it’s supposed to!
End[]
Character
Dialogue
Alright, time for the bottom line on the Gilded Truffle. I give it one star.
And that one star was me. I gave myself to this non-driving, non-truck food truck and in return I received disappointment and an after-dinner mint!
They served my meal, delicious as it was, on a silver platter!? Silver!
Everybody knows silver is second place, and Anger Watkins does not finish second! You see me, you bust out the platinum!
Sportscasted Pt. 4[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
Criticizing food has lost its luster. I yearn to insult fat, sweaty, living things again!
Next stop: the food at Krusty Burger. Looks like my wish has been granted.
End[]
Character
Dialogue
I came into this expecting the worst dining experience possible. Something like sending my mouth to prison.
Krusty Burger met my expectations. An all-star appetite abomination!
The only positive I can say is the bathroom was cleaner than the kitchen.
I’ll take it! I may even use that quote in the ads we run during coverage of death row executions!
Sportscasted Pt. 5[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
Got your fill of being a food critic, Anger?
Fill? Is that a joke? Because all I got was a tapeworm and two types of hepatitis. And not even the good ones!
Good news then. You’ll now be sharing the politics beat with me. What you won't be sharing is my hair and makeup team.
End[]
Character
Dialogue
A lot of voters have approached my limousine to tell my bodyguards they want Springfield to be a safer place to live. That’s when the tasers come out.
I say to those voters “I hope when you regain consciousness you remember whatever happened was all your fault. Vote Quimby”!
Well spoken! Thank you Mayor for your time and public service.
Seriously? That interview was a joke! But not the type that’s funny or even makes you think. The type that Dane Cook tells!
I've heard better interviews from guys with a history of concussions.
Enough! I'm going back to what I do best: level-headed sports analysis.
“
Anger didn’t seem impressed by his dining experiences. New restaurant options are available in the store for just a few days!
”
— System Message.
The Frying Dutchman[]
Character
Dialogue
I don't think I've ever been this unsatisfied in all my life. There were three fish hooks in my entrée!
That shouldn’t happen. The deep fried batter normally hides all secrets.
El Chemistry[]
Character
Dialogue
Deconstructed food!? If I wanted my meal separated, I’d let my mouth do it.
I’m storming out of here. As soon as these next thirteen courses are over, I am gone!
Singing Sirloin[]
Character
Dialogue
How am I supposed to enjoy a steak with the waiters singing? The only one that hums when I chew should be me!
Phineas Q Butterfat's[]
Character
Dialogue
Asking the server to “surprise me” was a horrible idea.
Fifty-six hundred different flavors and I end up with vegemite!?
Swanky Fish[]
Character
Dialogue
There’s nothing swanky about splintery disposable chopsticks and tap water that tastes like dirt!
Dead Lobster[]
Character
Dialogue
This restaurant is accurately named… they serve dead lobster.
Piggly's Super Smorg[]
Character
Dialogue
Such a disgusting amount of pork. I could feel my arteries clogging just breathing the air!
100 
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