Smoke 'Em If You Xylem
Release Date
October 17, 2018
Smoke 'Em If You Xylem is a premium questline that was released on October 17, 2018, as part of the Treehouse of Horror XXIX Promotional . It requires the character Xylem .
Quests [ ]
Quest
Rewards
Time
Rewards
Triggered By
Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 1
Make Xylem Activate Plant Sense
12h
100 10
Xylem
Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 2
Make Xylem Investigate Chill Flora
24h
100 10
Xylem
Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 3
Make Xylem Try Local Customs
8h
100 10
Xylem
Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 4
Make Xylem Get Aggressive With Hops and Barley
8h
100 10
Xylem
Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 5
Make Xylem Put Down Roots on Earth
24h
200 20
Xylem
Dialogue [ ]
Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 1 [ ]
Start [ ]
Character
Dialogue
Xylem to Mission Control: I have landed on Earth.
Very good. How are you holding up after the trip?
It’s tough being uprooted from my home, but I hope I can really blossom here and leaf a mark.
I see you have picked up on Earthlings’ laziest form of humor: puns.
Indeed. I will now make contact with the plants of Earth. Over and sprout.
All Objectives Started [ ]
Character
Dialogue
Oh my Pod, the plants of Earth are all screaming in pain!
I wonder why. Plant marriage isn't even legal here yet!
...
On my planet, the sound of crickets is the ultimate compliment.
Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 2 [ ]
Start [ ]
Character
Dialogue
This once mighty oak has been mutilated into something called “Mid-Century Modern Furniture.”
And these poor roses were slaughtered by a human and given to his female partner as tribute for failing to compliment her new garments!
So many plants screaming in pain!
Wait a minute... this one actually seems pretty chill.
End [ ]
Character
Dialogue
You're so at ease with being harvested and burned.
We're all being harvested and burned in one way or another.
My name’s Cannabis, but everyone calls me Hemp.
Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 3 [ ]
Start [ ]
Character
Dialogue
How can you just lie down and take this horrible treatment?
Lying down is great! You should try it some time.
But aren't you mad? Humans are using you for their own means.
*laughs* They're not using ME. When they ingest me, I control THEM.
They'll do whatever I want -- sit on their couch, sit in a chair. Anything!
I never thought about it like that.
No, man, that’s your problem -- you think too much.
For the first time in your life, you need to truly veg out.
Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 4 [ ]
Start [ ]
Character
Dialogue
I get it now. There’s no me or them, there’s only US.
Because when you think about it, the universe is one continuous--
Whoa, whoa. Hold up. You're starting to get a little too introspective.
Is that bad?
No, you just need to balance it out with a little unchecked aggression.
How do I do that?
Let me introduce you to my friends, Hops and Barley.
Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 5 [ ]
Start [ ]
Character
Dialogue
Ugh, what happened last night?
What happened is you called us in the middle of the night and told us how you REALLY felt!
What did I say?
You said you loved us and missed us very much.
...which on our planet is the worst thing you could say!
I forgot how confusing things are back home. It's simpler here.
If you love Earth so much, maybe you should just stay there.
End [ ]
Character
Dialogue
Cheer up, things could be worse.
I'm banned from my home planet, how could things possibly be worse?
Because the humans just blew your home planet up!
Are Hops and Barley around here?
Quest Map
Promotionals
Regular Quest · Premium Quest
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