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Smoke 'Em If You Xylem is a premium questline that was released on October 17, 2018, as part of the Treehouse of Horror XXIX Promotional. It requires the character Xylem.

Quests Edit

Quest Rewards Time Rewards Triggered By
Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 1 Make Xylem Activate Plant Sense 12h Cash100
XP10
Xylem
Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 2 Make Xylem Investigate Chill Flora 24h Cash100
XP10
Xylem
Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 3 Make Xylem Try Local Customs 8h Cash100
XP10
Xylem
Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 4 Make Xylem Get Aggressive With Hops and Barley 8h Cash100
XP10
Xylem
Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 5 Make Xylem Put Down Roots on Earth 24h Cash200
XP20
Xylem

Dialogue Edit

Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 1 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Xylem Phone Icon Xylem to Mission Control: I have landed on Earth.
Mission Control Icon Very good. How are you holding up after the trip?
Xylem Phone Icon It’s tough being uprooted from my home, but I hope I can really blossom here and leaf a mark.
Mission Control Icon I see you have picked up on Earthlings’ laziest form of humor: puns.
Xylem Phone Icon Indeed. I will now make contact with the plants of Earth. Over and sprout.

All Objectives Started Edit

Character Dialogue
Xylem Surprised Icon Oh my Pod, the plants of Earth are all screaming in pain!
Xylem Sad Icon I wonder why. Plant marriage isn't even legal here yet!
Xylem Icon ...
Xylem Happy Icon On my planet, the sound of crickets is the ultimate compliment.

Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 2 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Xylem Sad Icon This once mighty oak has been mutilated into something called “Mid-Century Modern Furniture.”
Xylem Pained Icon And these poor roses were slaughtered by a human and given to his female partner as tribute for failing to compliment her new garments!
Xylem Pained Icon So many plants screaming in pain!
Xylem Surprised Icon Wait a minute... this one actually seems pretty chill.

End Edit

Character Dialogue
Xylem Sad Icon You're so at ease with being harvested and burned.
Hemp Icon We're all being harvested and burned in one way or another.
Hemp Icon My name’s Cannabis, but everyone calls me Hemp.

Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 3 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Xylem Sad Icon How can you just lie down and take this horrible treatment?
Hemp Icon Lying down is great! You should try it some time.
Xylem Icon But aren't you mad? Humans are using you for their own means.
Hemp Icon *laughs* They're not using ME. When they ingest me, I control THEM.
Hemp Icon They'll do whatever I want -- sit on their couch, sit in a chair. Anything!
Xylem Icon I never thought about it like that.
Hemp Icon No, man, that’s your problem -- you think too much.
Hemp Icon For the first time in your life, you need to truly veg out.

Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 4 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Xylem High Icon I get it now. There’s no me or them, there’s only US.
Xylem High Icon Because when you think about it, the universe is one continuous--
Hemp Icon Whoa, whoa. Hold up. You're starting to get a little too introspective.
Xylem High Icon Is that bad?
Hemp Icon No, you just need to balance it out with a little unchecked aggression.
Xylem High Icon How do I do that?
Hemp Icon Let me introduce you to my friends, Hops and Barley.

Smoke 'Em If You Xylem Pt. 5 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Xylem Phone Icon Ugh, what happened last night?
Mission Control Phone Angry Icon What happened is you called us in the middle of the night and told us how you REALLY felt!
Xylem Phone Embarrassed Icon What did I say?
Mission Control Icon You said you loved us and missed us very much.
Mission Control Phone Angry Icon ...which on our planet is the worst thing you could say!
Xylem Phone Icon I forgot how confusing things are back home. It's simpler here.
Mission Control Icon If you love Earth so much, maybe you should just stay there.

End Edit

Character Dialogue
Hemp Icon Cheer up, things could be worse.
Xylem Annoyed Icon I'm banned from my home planet, how could things possibly be worse?
Hemp Icon Because the humans just blew your home planet up!
Xylem Sad Icon Are Hops and Barley around here?


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