"Today, Miss Hoover made us play Hide 'n' Hide until the day was over."
"Yeah, it's like no one cares if we even go to school."
"It's paradise!"
"I can't allow the young minds of Springfield to grow as soft as the middle-aged butts of Springfield."
"I must take this to the Internet!"
"No one will care. Especially not the Internet..."
"...unless you put it into list form, or write it on a photo of a cat."
"My friends will care..."
"What friends?"
"You're right, I need some friends!"
"But where do you meet friends outside of school?"
"The library? Volunteering at a retirement home?"
"Come on, Lisa, don't think like yourself."
"You hate yourself. Think like a vapid tween."
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"You can't spell fair-weather friend without friend!"
Smells Like Mean Spirit Pt. 2[]
Character
Dialogue
"Oh it's you, Lisa. My ninth friend I'm most excited to see!"
"Congrats on finally making it to my top ten."
"How about we switch and I'll keep the "Best" part of the "Best Friends" necklace I just gave you?"
"I appreciate that. I don't want to exclude anyone better who might come around."
"Too bad they don't make "Best Acquaintance" necklaces."
"Janey, I wanted to see if you'd star in a series about school reform on ViewTube."
"You had me at star and then lost me at school reform, but got me back at ViewTube. I'm in!"
"First we need a name for our channel."
"We're devil-may-care women taking on the academic establishment, so maybe "Naughty School Girls".
"Type it in."
"*gasp* Not that."
"How about something more innocent, like Sparkle Pony Squad?"
"*gasp* The Internet is a filthy place."
Smells Like Mean Spirit Pt. 3[]
Character
Dialogue
"I registered a complaint with ViewTube."
"Clearly they didn't release our video properly -- we don't have a single view!"
"You didn't watch your own video?"
"I thought it would be unethical, like voting for yourself or eating meat or trick or treating for anyone other than UNICEF."
"It's boring stuff like that that's made our video unwatchable."
"Our videos need more jazz, more pizzazz, more razzmatazz – more z's in general!"
"I suppose even the most prestigious news organizations still add little bits of flair to keep people interested."
"Like 60 Minutes' ticking clock or Kent Brockman's topless weather updates."
"Tune in for Nipples on the Nines."
"Great! So next step is to get your cat, Lisa."
"Snowball II? But why?"
"If we put a cat in our video, everyone from the poorly parented toddler to the bored office worker to the--"
"MWABLAHAHAHAHAAH!"
"...clinically insane will watch our videos."
"Everyone loves watching cats!"
Smells Like Mean Spirit Pt. 4[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"Our video has over 9,000 views and the comments have dissolved into an Anti-Semitic shouting match!"
"We're a hit!"
"But it has nothing to do with the promotion of education!"
"It's all about cats, jewelry, and make-up. How does this help our cause?"
"It's simple. We get enough views to get an endorsement deal, then a small part on a sitcom, then a movie career, then we win an Oscar."
"And then we start a charity to reform pools."
"You mean schools?"
"Whatever."
"Plus look, your original video has 97 views! It benefits just from being on the same channel as this video."
"Just like you benefit from being friends with me."
"I hardly think being invited to one roller skating birthday party is enough to sacrifice my beliefs."
"I'll throw in the sleepover afterwards. Very exclusive, only five other girls will be there."
"If I can get a written contract that states my hand will not be placed in a cup of warm water, it's a deal."
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"Janey, it has come to my attention that you and Lisa have started a popular ViewTube channel, and I must admit I've grown intrigued."
"Well I'm posting a video about how to French braid your Malibu Stacy doll later today. Make sure to check it out!"
"Let's just say I'm less interested in participating as a viewer, and more interested in expanding your audience base by shifting the paradigm."
"Excuse me?"
"I want in. With your sense of lame girlie things, my sense of awesome boy things, and Lisa's sense of..."
"...owning a camera, we could be famous!"
"You had me at girl, lost me at boy, and got me back at famous!"
Smells Like Mean Spirit Pt. 5[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"What part of the ViewTube team do you want to play?"
"We'll have an opening for boom operator once the tape unsticks and the mic falls."
"Janey, please. I'm clearly an on-air talent."
"I'm proposing a channel chock-full of pranks bound to bring in the most influential, widely coveted, and simple-minded market there is -- young boys!"
"Think of the money we could make. Swimming pools full!"
"Assuming that the swimming pool is small and the money novelty size."
"Our parents are never going to let us make money off the Internet."
"My dad always said it isn't money if you didn't make it yourself."
"But he's also a known counterfeiter, so maybe we shouldn't listen to him."
"Wake up, Janey. There are no adults on the Internet. Just children with their parents' credit cards."
"My dad's not allowed to have a credit card... on account of being wanted for counterfeiting."
"It's why I've had so many last names."
"Leave the credit card to me. I know just the idiot for the job."
"Bart, did you just say my name?"
"I got some guac in my ear and tried to clean it out with a cheese puff and, long story short, the living room is now full of seagulls."
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"I want to expand our channel into the dating scene. As an eight-year-old girl, I think I have wisdom to share."
"So, Bart, I set you up on a blind date with one of my friends."
"WHAT? I don't do dates. Neither the fruit nor the activity."
"If you don't go on this date, I'm prepared to spread a rumor that you've got…"
"A gluten allergy!"
"NOOOOOO! Popularity demands gluten."
"Alright, who am I going on a date with?"
"Me!"
"Demon!"
"I mean – De'monday sound good, mon?"
Smells Like Mean Spirit Pt. 6[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"I'm sorry, Lisa, we took a vote and we're kicking you off the ViewTube channel."
"The tally was actually 3 to 0, even though you voted."
"I told you – I can't vote for myself."
"But this channel was my idea!"
"I haven't been stabbed in the back like this since I played Julius Caesar in the school play. I got betrayed by my understudy."
"Your videos are dragging us down."
"No one has even bothered to comment 'First' on them. They are THAT unpopular."
"We were going to change the world, one five-minute video at a time"
"Now you're just adding to the clutter."
"Excuse me, sounds like someone hasn't seen my video on clearing out closet clutter."
"I did watch that video. What does it mean to organize your clothes by nationality?"
"If you can't spot horrendous Canadian fashion from a mile away, then you shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes at all!"
"Abandoned again by my own creation. It's like my Self Sufficiency Robot all over again."
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"You ruined this for me, Bart. And you turned my closest quasi-friend against me!"
"They say keep your friends close but your enemies closer, so by that logic, you two should be closer than ever"
"You're welcome!"
"Listen, Lisa, we're just trying to run a business here. That was the whole point."
"No, the whole point of this was to bring awareness to issues plaguing our school system!"
"Maybe I need to go tell Mom and Dad what you've done."
"Puh-leez. Do you really think Mom and Dad will be mad at me after I tell them I've made enough money to dine at a restaurant and not dash."
"You know how much Homer hates to dash."
"Almost as much as he hates being humiliated for profit and not getting a cut."
"*GULP*"
Smells Like Mean Spirit Pt. 7[]
Character
Dialogue
"You used my personal information to open a website thingy to try and make money off of shaming me?"
"Nobody exploits anyone in this family for monetary gain but ME, boy! You're grounded for a week!"
"Take that Bart!"
"Lisa! Nobody likes a snitch! You're grounded for a month."
"That's unfair! You wouldn't have even known about this Internet scheme if I hadn't told you."
"That's right. And in return I'm teaching you a valuable life lesson."
"Trust no one."
Smells Like Mean Spirit Pt. 8[]
Character
Dialogue
"My videos are nothing but down-votes!"
"This is worse than when Gold Navy ended their three pants for three dollars made by three child laborers sale."
"There's no such thing as bad publicity, dollface."
"A down-vote is still a view and each view means more money, money, money!"
"I don't care about the money. I want out."
"These comments are so mean and poorly spelled. I'm starting to think there might be a seamy underbelly to the Internet."
"That's enough! I had to suffer through a 6 hour grounding for this."
"But now the money's rolling in and this machine can't be stopped."
"We're too big to fail!"
"Wait, where have I heard that before?"
"Young man, you're under arrest for credit card fraud."
"Has he gotten to where he tells you that you have the right to an attorney?"
"Ahhh, best part of my job – arresting kids."
"Now come on, fellas. I'm sure we can settle this like men. Specifically men who accept bribes."
"Did someone say my name?"
Smells Like Mean Spirit Pt. 9[]
Character
Dialogue
"How did the trial go?"
"I got young Mr. Simpson off on a technicality."
"What technicality?"
"RUN!"
"Chief, that kid we arrested is running away."
"Good for him."
"You know we've got a squad car. And a radio. And a whole police force, and..."
"...Chief, you sleeping standing up again?"
"*panting* So what video should we record next?"
"I stole a taser from Wiggum's belt. Wanna test it on Milhouse?"
Trivia[]
The quest's title is a parody of the song Smells Like Teen Spirit by the band Nirvana.