Scandal-gate

Scandal-gate is a premium limited time questline that was released on June 30, 2015, during the 4th July 2015 Event.

Quests[edit | edit source]

Quest	Requirements	Time	Reward	Triggered By
Scandal-gate Pt. 1	Make Richard Nixon Turn Himself In If the player has the Police Station, the task will be done there, if not, it will be done at the Scandal-Gate Hotel.	4h	100, 10	Richard Nixon
Scandal-gate Pt. 2	Make Richard Nixon Watch "The Dark Knight" Make Lisa Watch "The Dark Knight"	6h 6h	100, 10	Richard Nixon
Scandal-gate Pt. 3	Make Richard Nixon Blow Everyone's Minds Make Lisa Get her Mind Blown	60m 60m	100, 10	Richard Nixon
Scandal-gate Pt. 4	Make Lisa Sulk	45s	100, 10	Lisa
Scandal-gate Pt. 5	Make Richard Nixon Wave to the People	12h	100, 10	Richard Nixon

Character	Dialogue
	"This just in! Last night, a break-in occurred at the historic Scandal-gate Hotel."
	"The thieves raided the headquarters of the Springfield Botanical Society, making off with $9.78 in petty cash and some packets of seeds."
	"Several of the seed packets were for petunias. I don't know why that detail is considered relevant by the half-wits who wrote this copy for me to read off the teleprompter."
	"A break-in at the Scandal-gate? It's happening again..."
	"I'll get my best man on it. My best man is not very good, unfortunately. He's terrible. But he's a slightly better man than my other men, who are all shockingly bad men."

Character	Dialogue
	"Look no further, copper! Nixon is your man. Nixon is behind this heinous crime."
	"Isn't that impossible? You just beamed into town like five minutes ago."
	"Nixon did it, and now he's orchestrating a vast cover-up to hide his involvement. This thing goes all the way to the top."
	"Mr. President, why are you trying to take the blame for something you obviously didn't do?"
	"Nixon obviously did so do it. Nixon's behind this despicable political attack. Arrest Nixon."

Character	Dialogue
	"What political reason could there be for you to target a group of elderly gardening enthusiasts?"
	"Follow the money."
	"Nine dollars and seventy-eight cents? THAT money?"
	"I know! Nixon must be a lunatic. But he definitely did it. Just like in 1972."

Character	Dialogue
	"Mr. President, now that we're alone, please tell me why you're taking the fall for the break-in at the Scandal-gate?"
	"I have to. Just like I had to in 1972. To protect the American people."
	"But you WERE behind that break-in! Everybody knows that. There were YEARS of investigations, THOUSANDS of articles..."
	"All lies, planted by the jive turkeys who were really behind it. They were running scared. Because Nixon and his friends had cracked the case."
	"Dick Nixon, you see, is a master detective. Nixon makes Sherlock Holmes look like a blithering idiot. And Nixon filled his White House with fellow super-sleuths."
	"Ehrlichman, John Dean, Haldeman and Nixon called ourselves “The Mystery Solvers Club.” We had closed hundreds of cases the fuzz deemed “unsolvable.”"
	"At night, we prowled the streets of D.C., magnifying glasses in hand, collecting clues."
	"But when, in 1972, we realized the truth behind the break-in, we decided it was too big, too terrible to ever get out."
	"The American people need to believe in their government. But they also need the bad guys to get caught. So we let ourselves BECOME the bad guys."
	"It's like in “The Dark Knight” when Batman lets himself be framed for the murder of Harvey Dent. Nixon is pretty sure that's based on Nixon, by the way."
	"I've never seen it."
	"Never seen “The Dark Knight?” How is that even possible? It's like my seventh-favorite movie EVER. Come on. We're watching it right now."

Character	Dialogue
	"NOW do you see, Lisa? NOW do you dig how Dick Nixon is maybe an even better Batman than Christian Bale?"
	"Not really. What WAS this horrible truth you were trying to keep from the American people?"
	"In Washington, nothing is as it seems. What you think you know, you don't. And what you definitely don't know, you do."
	"Tell me -- who are the LAST two people you would ever expect to be the masterminds of the break-in?"
	"Geez, I don't know... Probably Woodward and Bernstein?"
	"BINGO."

Character	Dialogue
	"Woodward and Bernstein were crusading, intrepid reporters who re-established the rule of law in Washington!"
	"They were conservative operatives posing as reporters, at a hardline neo-Fascist think tank posing as The Washington Post."
	"It says so on the masthead: “The Washington Post is a front for a hardline neo-Fascist think tank.” Why doesn't anyone ever read the masthead?"
	"Well, it's kind of small print. I assumed it wasn't that important..."
	"Anyway, those reactionaries had to do SOMETHING to stop me. They knew about my second-term agenda."
	"Which was?"
	"Please understand that Nixon's biography is a lie. Nixon grew up on an anarchist Marxist Buddhist hippie commune on the upper slopes of Mount Everest."
	"Where the air is far too thin to breathe..."
	"Shut up."
	"You're insane."
	"NIXON WAS LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD, AND NIXON SAYS SHUT UP."

Character	Dialogue
	"Anyway, Nixon spent decades deep undercover as a Republican. All to set up my glorious second term. I called it: “The Love Agenda.”"
	"We were gonna press the “reset” button on America. No more military, no more money. No more “rich” and “poor.”"
	"No more “police.” No more “fire department” or “hospitals.” Just people, you know? Hanging out, digging on good music and positive vibes."
	"That's a great system. Very well thought out."
	"Then Woodward and Bernstein caught wind of it, and eighty-sixed the whole beautiful vision."
	"But we'll get there. People are too damn groovy not to get there."
	"I really hope you're wrong about that."
	"In fact, I'm gonna go soak up some love right now. Later, square."
	"So long, Another Intensely Disappointing Ex-President."

“	Unlock Washington and Lincoln to see what our greatest Presidents think of our least-great President!	”
	— In-Game Message