"Bart Simpson, it’s time to do something fun that you've been avoiding all day – clean your room."
"Wish I could but I’ve got actual fun to do."
"We’ll make it a game – folding clothes lets you move two squares, removing anything with mold transports you to vacuum city where you battle the dust bunnies." "For every piece of clothing that goes into the hamper, you get three health points and matching socks take you to the toy chest surprise..." "Oh wait, he’s gone."
"Bart Simpson thinks he’s so cool with his skateboard and 90′s catchphrases." "I can have a catchphrase too! Like… “slam it down, Liberace!” Ok, maybe not that one." "I'll show the gang what a wuss Bart is once and for all."
"Just wanted you to know that the guys are starting to think you’re lame. And stupid. And have a fat head." "But maybe you could change their minds if you did something awesome, like trash the kitchen at Luigi's."
"Wow, that's really specific. But sure, thanks for the advice, Dolph."
"Ah, the perfect evening to indulge in my two favorite Italian traditions – pasta and extortion." "Luigi, tell me, how is business?" " By which I mean, I’m here to collect my ‘consultation fee’, ‘protection tariff’, and ‘defensive tax.’" "You know you’d save more money if you bundled."
"It's no good. Someone trashed my kitchen. All my horse meat, she is ruined."
"Hmm. Nobody threatens local businesses except for me. And in your case maybe the health inspector."
"You're right, Luigi, the food was truly disgusting. Worse than usual even." "I'll ask around in the community and find out who sabotaged your kitchen." "And then I will make them suffer... just as I had to suffer by eating here tonight."
"My sources point to a gang of schoolyard bullies. Looks like they just graduated to the big leagues." "Legs, Louie, I want you to find these kids and give them a lesson in economics. Make sure it doesn’t go over their heads."
"Finally some acknowledgement for my Masters in Fiscal Studies. All those night school classes."
"I think he just wants us to shake 'em down, Legs. But we’re all still proud of you."
"What do you want me to do this time, Dolph?" "Steal the head of Jebediah Springfield, become a national enemy of Australia, sell my soul?" "Well, you can’t because I already did those."
"Look, I set you up at Luigi's but I thought the mob would just rough you up a bit, maybe cut off a few fingers." "But now they’re after all our fingers! And just when Kearney’s hand modeling career was taking off."
"This is bad. Why didn’t anyone ever try to warn me that there could be repercussions for my bad behavior?"
"Don't worry — I’ve got an idea! Let’s get some of those honor roll dweebs to think of an idea for us?"
"To do list time! Step one – make a to do list. Step two – tell Bart and Dolph about to do list. Check." "Step three – Dolph, you distract the gang from finding Bart. Step four – Bart, you make things right with Fat Tony."
"Can't I just start my own civilization down in the sewers?"
"No Bart! Tell him our plan. When he sees how it will benefit Luigi, he’s sure to let you off the hook."
"Bart Simpson, I admire the courage it took for you to come to me… and your casual but stylish attire." "I am willing to break only one of your legs now and leave the other until we see if your plan works."
"The plan kind of needs both of my legs unbroken, sir."
"You drive a hard bargain, Mr. Simpson. But very well." "Zero legs upfront… but three legs later if your plan fails. Capeesh?"