"Well I'm not going to eat this stuff... which leaves me only one other choice." "Heads up, one helping of Mystery Meat Surprise, with a side of hurl!"
"Why does it burn my skin?"
"What's all this ruckus? Lunch is supposed to be a time for quiet reflection and eating." *gasp* "Children covered in meat? Food not on plates? Forks pulled back, primed to launch? Why, this is a..." "Food fight!"
"Cutting class on a day like this really makes you appreciate the little things - like cutting class." "Ah, the birds, the trees, the sun on my face, makes me want to become a better man... Hey look, a frog to kick!"
"Man, this frog is giving me nothing. No crying, no begging, very little lunch money and I think he likes swirlies." "I could really go for something to eat but I don’t feel like spending any cash." "I guess this is why God gave us opposable thumbs and loose moral compasses."
"Stop, thief! You have failed to pay for the items you have stored in your pants." "Come back here or I will call the police! I am calling them right now!" "Yes, I’d like to report a robbery in progress." "They have me on hold, but I will wait patiently on the line until you are punished."
"Theft, animal cruelty, avoiding authority – and my guidance counselor said I couldn’t be productive." "A day this good, I should probably thank the big man upstairs." "Oh wait, he’s out of town. Oh well, I’ll thank God instead, just to cover my bases."