"If I have to eat another serving of Mystery Meat Surprise, I'm gonna hurl." "And don't get me started on the lunch ladies and their policy of not dating students."
"Well I'm not going to eat this stuff... which leaves me only one other choice." "Heads up, one helping of Mystery Meat Surprise, with a side of hurl!"
"Incoming!"
"Why does it burn my skin?"
"What's all this ruckus? Lunch is supposed to be a time for quiet reflection and eating." *gasp* "Children covered in meat? Food not on plates? Forks pulled back, primed to launch? Why, this is a..." "Food fight!"
"Cutting class on a day like this really makes you appreciate the little things - like cutting class." "Ah, the birds, the trees, the sun on my face, makes me want to become a better man... Hey look, a frog to kick!"
"Man, this frog is giving me nothing. No crying, no begging, very little lunch money and I think he likes swirlies." "I could really go for something to eat but I don’t feel like spending any cash." "I guess this is why God gave us opposable thumbs and loose moral compasses."
"Stop, thief! You have failed to pay for the items you have stored in your pants." "Come back here or I will call the police! I am calling them right now!" "Yes, I’d like to report a robbery in progress." "They have me on hold, but I will wait patiently on the line until you are punished."
"This candy tastes even sweeter because it was stolen. But a little melted. Note to self – next time steal some napkins."
"Jimbo Jones, why are you enjoying yourself outside of school when you should be hating yourself inside of school?"
"Principal Skinner? What are you doing off school grounds? This is like seeing a polar bear in the desert."
"Don’t get smart with me young man. Get smart with your teacher." "See, that’s the kind of cleaver word play you should be learning right now… in class!"
"I got you, but you’re not going to get me. So long, Principal Sucker!"
"Ooh, he’s pretty good with the wordplay already."
"Theft, animal cruelty, avoiding authority – and my guidance counselor said I couldn’t be productive." "A day this good, I should probably thank the big man upstairs." "Oh wait, he’s out of town. Oh well, I’ll thank God instead, just to cover my bases."