Unlock Gummy Joe Make Homer and Gummy Joe Drink at the Saloon Collect All Finale Pieces
- 4h -
100 10
Homer
Dialogue[]
Once Upon a Time in Springfield Pt. 1[]
Start[]
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Dialogue
Lisa! Wanna see a magic trick?
It's not the old coin-behind-the-ear one, is it? Because you do that trick, like, a lot.
Look! You've got something behind your ear!
It's just that every time you pull out the coin, I'm expected to act all surprised. It's a lot to ask of an eight-year-old.
It's a COIN behind your ear! Surprised?
...
Wait! Grampa, this coin is made of gold! Where did you get it?
I told you -- magic! And speaking of magic, wanna see a trick? I think you've got something behind your ear...
Not now! I want to find out where this coin came from. I've never seen anything so beautiful...
Once Upon a Time in Springfield Pt. 2[]
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Dialogue
Grampa! This gold coin is an ultra-rare 1879 U.S. Triple Eagle! It's priceless! Where did you get it?
Well, the last time I wore these pants was a hundred-some years ago. The late eighteen hundreds, it was. During the Springfield Gold Rush.
How old ARE you?
I'm however old I need to be to make the story work, silly!
Guys! I came as soon as I heard a relative had money! What's up?
Lisa's all excited because of a gold coin I found years ago in a saloon in Old Springfield.
Then there's only one thing to do -- rebuild Old Springfield and find more wonderful gold!
Hold on. Even if there WAS gold in Old Springfield, why would a replica built today have any gold in it?
It's video game logic, sweetie. Trust me. There'll be gold.
But--
Shhhhh. Video game logic.
End[]
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Dialogue
Hey, hey, hey! How come youse built another bar in town? You trying to compete with Moe's?
It's not a bar, Moe. It's a wild west SALOON.
It's got horse poop on the stairs, rotgut in unmarked bottles, guys shootin' each other over poker hands -- it's way nicer than my place!
Relax. We're just rebuilding Old Springfield so that there'll be piles of gold in Today Springfield.
Gold? Did you say GOLD?
Shoot. I did. Well, as long as the gold remains a secret between you and me.
GOLD?! I always wanted to be Mayor of a boomtown. I declare the Springfield Gold Rush officially open!
Gold mining land claims are available for lease from the Town Hall.
Once Upon a Time in Springfield Pt. 3[]
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Dialogue
Get your gold rush supplies right here! Pick axes! Gold pans! Long johns with backside flap -- pre-stunk, like you've been prospecting in them for years!
And guns, guns, guns! Show those claim jumpers you once called friends that gold fever's got you good!
Once Upon a Time in Springfield Pt. 4[]
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I can barely move -- there's people everywhere. Hey, idiots, get off the street! We're trying to have a Gold Rush here!
They just want to strike it rich, same as you.
Come on. I love money WAY more than these guys. Oh, they'll all SAY they like money, but you can tell they don't really mean it. Not like me.
Time to thin the herd.
Hey, Carl! I found an old treasure map. It said “to find the gold, turn east at the Kwik-E-Mart and walk one billion paces. Then start digging.”
Thanks for the tip, Homes!
Lenny! Did you hear the rumor? There's gold in them thar hills!
Them hills right thar?
No, them other hills just past them thar hills. Head thar-a-way, and keep going for a few weeks. You'll know you're thar when you get thar.
Gold, here I come!
Lisa, quick! Try to figure out where the gold really is. Use your book larnin'!
Only if you stop talking like that.
All Objectives Started[]
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Dialogue
You lied to me, Homer Simpson!
Now, now. I did what any friend would -- gladly screw a pal over a few bucks.
I'd sure love to have a bare knuckles brawl with you. But I feel that a wild west saloon is no proper place for such behavior. I feel this strongly.
Are you kidding? Let's brawl!
End[]
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I couldn't find any clues to the whereabouts of the gold, Dad.
Not now, sweetie. Daddy's brawling.
Be a lamb and hand me that breakaway chair, will you?
If you need me, I'll be cowering behind the bar with the prostitutes.
Once Upon a Time in Springfield Pt. 5[]
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Dialogue
You, sir! Are you a desperate fortune-seeker whose lust for gold has weakened his grip on reality?
I like to think so.
Well, you can't be a genuine sourdough without my authentic, old-timey, Wild West knick-knacks and accoutrements!
It's true. Movie cowboys never shut up about their precious accoutrements.
I want everything you got!
Once Upon a Time in Springfield Pt. 6[]
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Dialogue
Saloons, brawls, and opportunistic merchants. I can't imagine anything going wrong now!
Thanks for leading me to your home you bumbling oaf!
Now gimme all your cash, 4k OLED ultra-thin internet-ready telly-visions and whiskey!
I can take the being robbed at knifepoint, gunpoint, and even fingerpoint.
But Homer J. Simpson does not stand for having his alcohol stolen at anything-point!
A little help Skyfinger??
“
Bandits are hiding out in Springfield. Tap on hideouts to clear them out and then tap to capture them!
”
— System Message.
Once Upon a Time in Springfield Pt. 7[]
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*sniff* ; *sniff-sniff*
I smells gold, I does.
A prospector! These gold-crazed, rag-clad, illiterate lunatics are real pros. I gotta get rid of him.
Hey there, um, I'm gonna guess you're called “Stinky?”
John. My name is John.
If you're prospectin' fer gold, why not stake a claim in one of my friend's towns? They're paving the streets with gold!
You'd rather I clean yer friend out than you? That's pretty low.
Well, you know. Gold fever and all.
I'm only pullin' yer leg. Yee-haw! Gold! Gold gold gold!
“
Drop Prospectors in your friend's towns to keep them from finding your gold!
”
— System Message.
Once Upon a Time in Springfield Pt. 8[]
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Dialogue
How am I supposed to find the gold with this many interruptions?
Lisa! Did you find the gold yet?
No Dad, I've been trying to tell you that rebuilding Old Springfield-
You Millennials and your excuses!
I'm not a Millennial!
Rejecting labels? Sounds Millennial. I'll be at the Saloon when you find the gold.
Once Upon a Time in Springfield Pt. 9[]
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Dialogue
You know, life in a Wild West town isn't so bad! I mean, it ain't not so un-bad, pardner!
Today, a man tipped his hat to me and said, “Morning, ma'am.” I'll trade a dramatic uptick in gunfights for a little common courtesy any day!
It ain't no proper frontier town without dirt roads.
On a paved road, what's the blood supposed to soak into? Is we bumpkins, or ain't we?
Once Upon a Time in Springfield Pt. 10[]
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I broke the tab off my can of Duff! This is like that movie “The Martian,” only I'm ten times more screwed than that guy ever was.
Perhaps Chomper could be of service?
You, sir, would use your only remaining tooth to open my beer can?
Chomper has always wondered why the good Lord spared him, while all his brothers and sisters are gone. I think now he has his answer.
End[]
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Look! I found another gold coin!
Give it here, Simpson! In Springfield, we share all our good fortune with others.
Since when?
Yeah, seriously. When have any of us ever shared anything?
Look, we can stand here all day discussing what great sharers we all are, or we can rip that coin from Homer's cold, dead hands.