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Non-Alcoholic Whine is a premium side questline that was released on December 12, 2018, for the A Simpsons Christmas Special 2018 Event. It requires the premium character Young Barney.

Quests Edit

Quest Requirements Time Reward Triggered By
Non-Alcoholic Whine Pt. 1 Make Young Barney Prepare Ice Fishing
Make Young Homer Freeze His Butt Off*
4h
4h
Cash100
XP10
Young Barney
Non-Alcoholic Whine Pt. 2 Make Young Barney Excel at Fishing
Make Young Homer Fish for an Escape*
12h
4h
Cash100
XP10
Young Barney
Non-Alcoholic Whine Pt. 3 Make Young Barney Admire Young Homer
Make Young Homer Ramble Nonsensically About Women*
1h
8h
Cash100
XP10
Young Barney
Non-Alcoholic Whine Pt. 4 Make Young Barney Try to Fit In 4h Cash100
XP10
Young Barney
Non-Alcoholic Whine Pt. 5 Make Young Barney Cuddle for Warmth
Make Young Homer Be Cuddled for Warmth*
12h
12h
Cash200
XP20
Young Barney

* Applies only if the player has got Teenage Homer.

Dialogue Edit

Non-Alcoholic Whine Pt. 1 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Young Barney Happy Icon Welcome to my uncle's chalet, Homer! Isn't it great?
Teenage Homer Surprised Icon The word “chalet” implies a hot tub and girls who ski in bikini tops for some wonderful reason I can’t fathom. THIS is an ice fishing shack.
Young Barney Happy Icon Well, sure, but if you like ice fishing--
Teenage Homer Annoyed Icon Gonna stop you right there. I don’t. I don’t even like REGULAR fishing.
Teenage Homer Icon Listen, my philosophy is: “whatever makes you happy is great. Except fishing, which is dumb and you’re dumb for liking it, ya dummy.”
Teenage Homer Happy Icon Just pass me a beer.
Young Barney Icon We don’t have any. Being drunk would impair our fishing skills, and we can’t have that!
Teenage Homer Surprised Icon I’m going to die out here.

End Edit

Character Dialogue
Young Barney Surprised Icon We’re all set to fish! Hey, you okay, Homer? You’re turning kind of blue.
Teenage Homer Surprised Icon J-j-just t-t-trying not to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d... freeze to death.
Young Barney Icon You'll feel better once you go completely numb.
Teenage Homer Surprised Icon Know what? You can go f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f... buzz off.

Non-Alcoholic Whine Pt. 2 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Young Barney Icon You just need to discover the peace of fishing. Now grab one of these worms and impale its still-living form on your razor-sharp hook.
Teenage Homer Annoyed Icon I’m not going to kill some poor worm over fishing.
Young Barney Icon It’s already as good as dead. Nothing can survive in this cold.
Teenage Homer Annoyed Icon WHICH IS WHY I WANT BEER! GIVE BEER!
x100px What do we need beer for when we've got friendship?
Teenage Homer Annoyed Icon That’s a false premise. Your actual options are A) beer AND friendship both; or B) no beer and pure animal hatred.

End Edit

Character Dialogue
Young Barney Happy Icon Having fun yet, Homer?
Teenage Homer Happy Icon *cracks open a beer* Sure am, Barn!
Young Barney Surprised Icon Hey! Where'd you find that?!
Teenage Homer Icon Dunno, but I have a theory. I think the universe just sort of wants me to be a drunk.

Non-Alcoholic Whine Pt. 3 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Young Barney Sad Icon I was really hoping to get away from all the peer pressure around drinking for a few days.
Teenage Homer Sad Icon Hey, don’t be sore, pal. You don’t have to drink. Unless you want to be cool.
x100px Why would I turn myself into a pudgy, belching, idiot? I've got enough trouble getting girls as it is.
Teenage Homer Happy Icon If it’s girls you want, you came to the right man. Let me teach you the basics of scoring with super-hot babes.

All Objectives Started Edit

Character Dialogue
Teenage Homer Icon The most important thing to remember is that women and men are exactly the same.
Young Barney Happy Icon *pulls out tiny pad of paper and pencil* Uh huh. Uh huh. Go on.
Teenage Homer Happy Icon So when you talk to a girl, remember that she’s interested in sports, babes, and your personal ranking of the various guitar gods.
Teenage Homer Icon And if she disagrees with you, tell her she couldn’t be more wrong, and that she should feel terrible about that.
Young Barney Surprised Icon All these years I’ve been trying to figure out what girls like. When it was right in front of my stupid face.
Teenage Homer Annoyed Icon But the most important thing is to let them know, right up front, that you’re a chick magnet and women find you irresistible.
Young Barney Happy Icon *writes in tiny pad of paper* Be a chick magnet.

End Edit

No dialogue.

Non-Alcoholic Whine Pt. 4 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Young Barney Sad Icon I’ve clearly got a lot of work to do on myself before girls will like me.
Teenage Homer Happy Icon Well, that’s certainly true. But you’ll feel better about it after a beer.
Young Barney Surprised Icon Where did THAT beer come from?
Teenage Homer Icon No idea. I just reach down my hand, like this, and-- hey! There’s another one! Drink up, pal!
Young Barney Sad Icon My Uncle says you should never bow to peer pressure.
Teenage Homer Annoyed Icon A wise man. Now shut up and drink, or else.

End Edit

Character Dialogue
Young Barney Sad Icon Ew, beer is gross.
Teenage Homer Happy Icon *hic* Keep at it pal. You’ll come around. *hic* I never want to drink anything else ever again. I hope my blood turns into beer.
Teenage Homer Happy Icon That way, if I get in a car accident, it’s like: “Quick, give this man a beer transfusion!” Boom! I’m drunker than ever.
Young Barney Sad Icon Homer, I think you might have a problem.

Non-Alcoholic Whine Pt. 5 Edit

Start Edit

Character Dialogue
Young Barney Sad Icon Come on Homer, let's get you home. I think all this beer is damaging your brain.
Teenage Homer Surprised Icon *hic* Not the beer. Beer good. Cold bad. Homer still have toes?
Young Barney Surprised Icon Your toes? Yeah, they're right there in your shoes.
Teenage Homer Happy Icon *hic* What about fingers?
Young Barney Surprised Icon Actually, they’re a little blue. I think you’re getting hypothermia.
Teenage Homer Surprised Icon *belch* No chance. Homer nice and toasty warm now.
Young Barney Sad Icon What I'm about to say to you goes with us to our graves - for your own safety, take off your clothes and hold me.

End Edit

Character Dialogue
Young Barney Icon Feeling any better, Homer?
Teenage Homer Sad Icon Oh, god. How did it come to this? I swear, I am never drinking again. EVER.
Teenage Homer Icon ...
Teenage Homer Happy Icon *cracks a beer*
Teenage Homer Happy Icon Eh, the universe wants what it wants.
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