No Pain, No Pagain was part of the main questline of the Winter 2016 Event during act 2. It required completion of either Yule Love It! (Act 2) and Yule Love It! (5) or A Happy Meal.

Quests[edit | edit source]

Quest Requirements Time Reward Triggered By
No Pain, No Pagain Pt. 1 Make Satyr Willie Run Naked In the Halls 4h
4h
Brooches Icon.png25
Experience10
Auto
No Pain, No Pagain Pt. 2
Make the Pagans Binge on Food (x8)
Characters: Same as part one with the addition of Willie
8h Brooches Icon.png25
Experience10
Auto
No Pain, No Pagain Pt. 3
Make the Pagans Exchange Gifts (x5)
Characters: Same as part one with the addition of Willie
8h Brooches Icon.png25
Experience10
Auto
No Pain, No Pagain Pt. 4 Make Rev. Lovejoy Preach the Real Story of Christmas 12h Brooches Icon.png25
Experience10
Auto
No Pain, No Pagain Pt. 5 Make the Springfielders Embrace Commercialism Again (x10) 8h Brooches Icon.png25
Experience10
Auto

Dialogue[edit | edit source]

No Pain, No Pagain Pt. 1[edit | edit source]

Start[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Homer Icon.png Oh, great Satyr! We have performed all your chores. Now we ask you to reveal the esoteric wisdom of Paganism!
Satyr Willie Icon.png Oh, uh... okay, here goes. Followers, the gods demand a service of you!
Moe Icon.png Yes, yes?
Satyr Willie Icon.png You all must, uh... act normal! Just, you know, do your thing! Walk around town for a while!
Homer Confused Icon.png Wait, what?
Satyr Willie Icon.png Yeah, they want us all to do normal-type stuff until I can think of something else. THE GODS COMMAND IT!
Homer Sad Icon.png Well, uh, okay...

End[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Skinner Surprised Icon.png WILLIE!! Why are you running through my hallways naked?
Satyr Willie Angry Icon.png Get lost ye suit wearing softie! I do this every weekend.

No Pain, No Pagain Pt. 2[edit | edit source]

Start[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Satyr Willie Icon.png My faithful Pagans! Now the gods command that we feast!
Moe Sneaky Icon.png Are you sure you ain't just making this up as you go? What's the occasion?
Satyr Willie Icon.png Uh, the Feast of... the Advent of... the Legitimate Pagan Holiday!
Homer Happy Icon.png Hmm, shaky. But if I'm going to be distracted with anything, might as well be food!

End[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Homer Guilty Icon.png We just ate squirrel, didn't we?
Satyr Willie Icon.png Would you believe small, hairy, four-legged, bushy-tailed chickens?
Homer Thoughtful Icon.png Maybe. I'd have to try one more to be sure.

No Pain, No Pagain Pt. 3[edit | edit source]

Start[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Moe Exhausted Icon.png Well, that was the most horrible thing I've ever eaten. And coming from me, that means something.
Homer Annoyed Icon.png So is that all Paganism is? Chores and broiled rodent? I'm starting to miss Christmas.
Satyr Willie Icon.png Not so fast! Now the best part of Paganism, the gift exchange!

End[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Satyr Willie Icon.png So how do ye like yer gifts?
Moe Icon.png Well, I wanted a Roomba. But I suppose a crude doll made of bones isn't too sucky.
Homer Sad Icon.png I'd give anything for an awesome doll. All I got was a spell to silence my enemies.
Ned Surprised Icon.png ...
Homer Sad Icon.png Pretty cool, I guess. Still woulda liked a doll.

No Pain, No Pagain Pt. 4[edit | edit source]

Start[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Rev. Lovejoy Smug Icon.png Well, well, well. Why so down, “Pagans?” A tad underwhelmed by your holiday gift haul?
Rev. Lovejoy Smug Icon.png Us Christians are simply drowning in gifts right now. DROWNING.
Rev. Lovejoy Smug Icon.png But I won't gloat. All I want to do is tell you a little story.
Rev. Lovejoy Happy Icon.png The REAL story of Christmas!

End[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png And the Angel said: “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news that will be a great joy to all the people.”
Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png And then he explained the importance of giving lavish gifts at Christmastime.
Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png Yea, even unto the point of running up a hefty credit card bill. We can worry about that stuff in January, he said.
Ned Worried Icon.png That's stretching scripture a wee bit, don't you think?
Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png Desperate times, Ned. Just need to get butts back in pews. We'll straighten ‘em out later.
Moe Icon.png I like Churchy's story way better than Goat Man's! Who's with me?

No Pain, No Pagain Pt. 5[edit | edit source]

Start[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Bart Jesus Icon.png Springfielders! It's me, Jesus!
Homer Surprised Icon.png Wow. THE Jebus?
Bart Jesus Icon.png I command you to celebrate Christmas! There's a new video game console out. Very nice! Pick one up or die!
Rev. Lovejoy Icon.png Cool it, Bart. I've already hooked these fish. You'll let them wriggle off!
Bart Jesus Icon.png I'm not here for you, Rev. I want that console!
Rev. Lovejoy Annoyed Icon.png Fine. If your folks don't get it for you, the church will. Now beat it!
Bart Jesus Icon.png Okay. Later losers! Jesus is Audi 5000!

End[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Milhouse Surprised Icon.png Wow! I really didn't think we could pull that off.
God Angry Icon.png Bart, that was blasphemous. You are not my son...
Bart Rollingeyes Icon.png You sound just like Homer...
Bart Icon.png Don't worry big man, I'll never do it again. That beard is really itchy.
Milhouse Excited Icon.png I'm glad they fell for it though. Now we'll get some decent Christmas presents instead of this Pagan crap.
Bart Happy Icon.png You're right, now let's see what we got!
Milhouse Sad Icon.png Aww, I got the red part of a candy cane...
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