No Bucks Given was a limited-time quest released on March 18, 2020, as the short quest intro to the No Bucks Given 2020 Event. It was succeeded by the quest No Bucks Given Outro.
Quests[]
| Quest | Requirements | Time | Reward | Triggered By |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| No Bucks Given Pt. 1 | Collect Mini-Baseball Helmets (x200) Make Homer Object Again to Buck and Tabitha’s Divorce Make Judge Snyder Postpone Buck and Tabitha’s Divorce |
- 4h 4h |
 100  10
|
Auto |
| No Bucks Given Pt. 2 | Collect Mini-Baseball Helmets (x200) Make Homer Attempt Obstacle Course Make Marge Attempt Obstacle Course Make Tabitha Vixx Attempt Obstacle Course* |
- 4h 4h 4h |
100 10
|
Auto |
| No Bucks Given Pt. 3 | Collect Mini-Baseball Helmets (x200) Make Bart Appeal to Buck and Tabitha for Help Make Lisa Appeal to Buck and Tabitha for Help |
- 4h 4h |
100 10
|
Auto |
| No Bucks Given Pt. 4 | Collect Mini-Baseball Helmets (x200) Make Homer Attempt Impressive Baseball Feats Make Marge Attempt Suggestive Dance Moves Make Tabitha Vixx Coach Marge* |
- 4h 4h 4h |
100 10
|
Auto |
| No Bucks Given Pt. 5 | Collect Mini-Baseball Helmets (x200) Make Homer Renew His Vows Make Marge Renew Her Vows |
- 4h 4h |
200 20
|
Auto |
* Will only appear if the character is owned by the player.
Dialogue[]
No Bucks Given Pt. 1[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
And that’s why my client wants to split everything down the middle, equally. |
|
Sounds good to me. Well, if anyone objects to this divorce let them speak now or forever hold their peace. |
|
I, Homer Simpson, OBJECT! |
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Here to offer more sage marital advice, Homer? |
|
I also OBJECT to your sarcastic tone! You two belong together. True love and the Isotopes' season depend on it! |
|
Homer, getting divorced doesn’t stop me from playing baseball. |
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*chewing noise* |
|
Are you eating a hot dog? |
|
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Ooh, I’ll take one. No relish. |
End[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
I’m putting an immediate thirty day hold on your divorce! You are hereby... still married! |
|
All 'cause some mustard-covered jerk said “I object”? |
|
|
Springfield law is clear: “If a shout causes doubt, you must hear them out”. |
|
|
This is crazy! Mr. Lawyer Guy, aren’t you going to do anything?! |
|
|
Judge’s orders. We’ll just have to reconvene next month. |
|
But how can I re-learn all my song lyrics before Homerpalooza if Buck is filling my head with boring baseball words? |
|
|
As if your songs are so complex? |
|
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I wrote “Trouble-istic” and it went platinum faster than you can swing a bat! |
|
Hmm, can I "un-object" to this divorce? |
|
Shut up, Homer! |
Unlocks Isotope Stadium.
No Bucks Given Pt. 2[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
Look, you guys helped us rediscover our love, but since then we’ve been more miserable than your average Mets fan. |
|
Buck and I love each other, it’s true. But maybe love isn’t everything. |
|
Take that back! I know Homer and I weren’t the best unlicensed marriage counselors in the world-- |
|
|
All Homer did was put on glasses, nod, and pretend to write things down in that notebook. |
|
I was playing tic-tac-toe against myself. |
|
And sure, it was wrong that Homer legally objected to your divorce. |
|
|
But now the court is giving you one more marital at-bat. Who knows, maybe you’ll hit a home run this time? |
|
|
Seems unlikely. |
|
Wait! I know the perfect place for you to overcome all the obstacles of marriage. The Springfield Ninja Conqueror Course! |
End[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
Welcome to Springfield Ninja Conqueror: #ConqueringLoveEdition. |
|
|
Here’s our first Ninja, Homer Simpson. All he has to do is leap from each floating heart and cross to the other side... |
|
Oh no! Homer’s weight has submerged the step, which is now spring-loaded! He’s just launched himself over the course and straight into a parked car! |
|
My station wagon! |
|
|
Next up, popstar sensation Tabitha Vixx on the Salmon Ladder. |
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Tabitha, you’re supposed to climb with the pole, not dance on the pole! |
|
And the judges give it a perfect ten. Tabitha Vixx is the Ninja Conqueror... and five hundred thousand dollar GRAND PRIZE winner! |
|
|
Half of that is mine! |
Unlocks Marriage Counseling.
No Bucks Given Pt. 3[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
Since you both agreed to split that extra five hundred thousand dollars in prize money, you’re hereby officially divorced! |
|
Because of you, Homer, we’re happily divorced and even richer than we were before! |
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I invested my grand prize money in concert teleprompter technology. Now that I know my own lyrics, my tour’s sold out worldwide! |
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So everybody’s happy. Tic, tac, toe -- I win! |
|
I’m not happy! You spend so much time trying to fix other people's marriages that you’ve neglected your own. |
|
But we counseled them together -- we were a team! |
|
|
My client will only accept further communication in writing. |
|
Your client? |
|
|
If Buck and Tabitha are happier divorced, maybe we would be too. I’m moving out! |
|
Not if I move out first! |
|
|
Fine, you move out. |
|
D'oh! |
End[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
Dad? I thought Mom kicked you out?! |
|
|
She did, but I’m taking the fridge. Most of the stuff in there is mine anyway. |
|
|
Hey, Homer. Need a hand with that fridge? |
|
|
Buzz off, you steroid hall-of-fame asterisk! |
|
|
Whoa, what’s with your dad? |
|
When he tried to save your marriage, it destroyed his. He probably blames you or something. |
|
|
That’s awful! I’m sure if I talk to him, I can get him to win your mom back. |
|
|
And I’ll talk to Marge. Just because Buck and I are happily divorced doesn’t mean it’s something everyone should do. |
|
Luann and I are getting divorced, so I wanted to see if Homer’d go splitsies with me on a bachelor pad. |
Unlocks Couch World.
No Bucks Given Pt. 4[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
Okay Homer, to win Marge back I’m gonna teach you the most important skill in baseball: reading pitches. |
|
|
Now, you’re the batter. If you know what the next pitch is going to be, then you’ll know where to swing. |
|
|
Isn't that how the Astros and Red Sox cheated to win the World Series? |
|
|
Yes, but I’m teaching you how to read pitches the old-fashioned way: with your eyes. |
|
|
I just don’t get how this makes Marge like me again. |
|
|
Homer, if you’re better at reading and understanding what Marge wants, then maybe you’ll figure out how you can save your marriage. |
|
Oh, I get it! It’s like a metaphor! |
End[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
Homer, our marriage is on the brink and you’re playing a game of catch?! |
|
Buck said learning to read pitches will make me a better listener or something? Is that what you said--? |
|
|
Really, Buck? Baseball is your answer to everything. You should diversify! |
|
|
Well, sexy dancing is your answer to everything! Maybe you should practice singing instead of just Auto-Tuning everything! |
|
|
I’m so relieved I’m not married to you anymore! |
|
|
Me too! I’d rather play for the Marlins than see your sexy dancing ever again! |
|
|
Are you guys flirting or something? |
Unlocks Mitchell Mansion.
Objective 3 done[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
Marge, after I teach you this dance, Homer will be eating from the palm of your hand. |
|
|
He usually does if I’m holding food. |
|
|
One, two, three... twerk! |
|
|
Twerk?! |
No Bucks Given Pt. 5[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
I still have feelings for you Buck. Maybe we rushed our divorce? |
|
|
I agree. Let’s get remarried! |
|
|
This is like déjà vu all over again… I'm in! *making out noises* |
|
Aw, divorces not lasting are so romantic. |
|
You know, Homie, maybe we should also get back together. |
|
|
Maybe if we renewed our vows, I could express my love for you better. |
|
Oh, Homie, that’s all I ever wanted. |
End[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
I’m sorry. I got so caught up in Tabitha and Buck’s divorce that I neglected our own marriage. |
|
|
Oh Homie, renewing our vows was such a wonderful idea! |
|
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So now can I move back into the house? |
|
Of course, Homie. |
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Hey Kirk! I’m canceling my deposit on the bachelor pad! |
|
|
Man, I just bought us matching cigar jackets. |
Unlocks Buck Mitchell.
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