Kiss My Grits

Kiss My Grits
Event	Valentine's Day 2014 Event
Release date	February 5, 2014
Number of quests	7

Kiss My Grits is a quest chain featuring Brandine Spuckler Completing this quest unlocks a new job for Brandine, Birth Another Spuckler.

Quests

Quest	Requirements	Time
Kiss My Grits Pt. 1	Reach Level 6 and Build Cletus' Farm Make Brandine Stab Possums	60m
Kiss My Grits Pt. 2	Make Brandine Watch Real Sister-wives of Shelbyville	12h
Kiss My Grits Pt. 3	Reach Level 15 and Build Moe's Tavern Make Moe Smuggle Endangered Species Make Brandine Pick Up Supplies	8h
Kiss My Grits Pt. 4	Harvest Tomacco (x2) Brandine Prepare Her "Something" Stew	60m (x2) 4h
Kiss My Grits Pt. 5	Reach Level 18 and Build Luigi's Make Brandine Go for a Date with Cletus Make Luigi Perform an Alleyway Serenade	8h
Kiss My Grits Pt. 6	Make Brandine Watch Real Sister-wives of Shelbyville	12h
Kiss My Grits Pt. 7	Make Brandine Defend Springfield From Terrorists	24h

Dialogue

Kiss My Grits Pt. 1

Character	Dialogue
	"I can't believe I's back in Springfield! Whelp, supposin' the first thing I should do is call my husband." "CLEEEEEEEEE-TUS! SOOOO-WEEEE!"
	"Brandine! When's that dinner comin'? I's is starving!"
	"I have been floating around being non-existent for well over an owl's age. Do you mean to tell me you have not eaten that whole time?!"
	"Not hardly. I ain't got much in the way of eating jobs."
	"Well, don't you worry, darlin'. I'll fix you up your favorite sandwich -- poached possum pattie in a possum piuch pita."

Kiss My Grits Pt. 2

Character	Dialogue
	"These here possums has to soak in a pot a melted butter for an hour. Mainly, so's I kin be sure they's dead. Cause a half-dead possum kin get purty scratchity." "While I'm waitin', I suppose I can catch up on some of my housekeeping and parenting duties."

Kiss My Grits Pt. 3

Start

Character	Dialogue
	"Mmm, something's cooking, let's have a taste!" "Ugh! That is the worst thing I've ever tasted and I have eaten pretty much everything that can fit in my mouth."
	"That's partly cuz you's tasting it with my fly-swatting spoon. But also cuz it's missing a special ingrediment." "Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go see that monkey-faced man what sells that strange, non-blinding moonshine"

End

Character	Dialogue
	"Okay, mister, I helped you move that polka-dot Chinese bear. Now give me my secret ingrediment."
	"Of course. Here you go, one precious panda bear egg."
	"What? First of all, pandas don't lay eggs and secondly, that's a lemon."
	"Pipe down, Encyclopedia Brown. I need her hillbilly super strength. If you keep quiet, I'll let you pet the pandas."
	"Are you kidding me? You're asking me to go against my core values just to pet a--- Oh my God they're so fuzzy! Okay, an hour of petting and I'll be cool."
	"I'mma head home 'fore this panda egg hatches."

Kiss My Grits Pt. 4

Start

Character	Dialogue
	"Mmm-mm, this dish is gonna make Cletus happier than a hound dog in a room full of butts." "Hey, Cletus! Get me a couple, two, three a them Tomaccos."
	"Oh boy! I love the subtle taste of a tomacco, it combines the sweetness of tomato with sharpness of accidentally drinking from your chaw spit-cup."

End

Character	Dialogue
	"Darn it, Cletus, I used too much Tomacco."
	"Nonsense, Darlin'. When it comes to Tomacco, I likes a heavy hand."
	"But the smell of it drew the attention of all them Tomacco-addicted Sheep-Junkies what roam this hillside." "They busted in and ate the whole washtub of possum."
	"Aw, don't you fret, we gots these places where you can have your grub made by a pro-fessnal vittle-fixer n' brought out to ya by these people called waitnesses."
	"That's sounds like a moonshine-daydream! Take me to this place!"

Kiss My Grits Pt. 5

Start

Character	Dialogue
	"I'ma so sorry, but I cannot let a you eat in the dining room. You see the sign? No shirt, no shoses, no service."
	"Shoot, and I really wanted me some service!"
	"I'd try an order of the shoes, however."
	"Don't worry, I've got a beautiful table in the alley. It's usually reserved for when my dog acquaintances have dates, but tonight it's yours."

End

Character	Dialogue
	"Cletus! Feel what these napkins is made of! I don't even know what you call that!"
	"It's called "paper.""
	*sighs* "It feels like the softest part of trees."
	"You has changed, Brandine. The beautiful city-life has spoilt you."
	"Ah-yep."

Kiss My Grits Pt. 6

Start

Character	Dialogue
	"I used to love my simple home. Now that I've seen the city, everythin' here seems so dusty and full of brambles." "'Specially the dust-pond and the bramble-shed."
	"It pains to hear you talk like that, my dear Sister-mom. Hey, your favorite TV show is on! Maybe that's shut you up!"
	"Yes. I will escape into the dreamy, soft embrace of staged arguments amongst fish-lipped, cat-faced ladies."

End

Character	Dialogue
	"We interrupt this broadcast to bring you urgent news!" "In an effort to stay ahead of bloggers and the tweet-o-sphere, Channel Six is reporting a signicant possibility Springfield may fall victim to a terrorist attack in the near and/or distant future..." "Stay tuned to hear from people we frightened on the street with our questions."

Kiss My Grits Pt. 7

Start

Character	Dialogue
	"Now I remember why I don't like city livin'." "You get caught up in the glamour of napkins and forgets whats important: stockpiling 'munitions so's to potect 'merica!" "Until such time that we hill folk rise up against the guv'mint."

Middle

Character	Dialogue
	"You know Cletus, when I thinks of all the threats we face day to day, makes me wonder why anyone's want to bring a child into this world." "When what they should be doing is bringing a whole army of chirren into this world."
	"Dang straight! They ain't no problem in the world what idn't made better by having more babies."
	"We better shake a tail feather, we got a barracks to fill. I think I already gots one in the chute. I'll birth it out and we kin git started on t'oter."
	"Aw, Brandine, I jes love our date nights."

“	You unlocked a new job for Brandine! You can now send her to Birth Another Spuckler.	”
	— In Game Message

End

Character	Dialogue
	"90 days? Excuse me, Mrs. Spuckler, but isn't the human gestational period 9 months?"
	"Brandine ain't had a nine month pregnancy since she went swimming outside the Nuke-lar plat."
	"It's like my baby oven is now a microwave."

After Having Brandine Give Birth 3 Times

Character	Dialogue
	"Good Lord, Springfield has suddenly dropped to the bottom of every list with regard to literacy and income. And we've shot to the top of the charts with regard to webbed feet." "Brandine and Cletus, your giant family is throwing off all of our averages. What can we to do convince you to stop reproducing?"
	"You cain't ask us to stop making chirren, having a gigantic family means everythin' to me--"
	"We'll give you free tickets to every tractor pull."
	"You got yourself a deal! Who cares if my arms are empty long as I get to watch giant tractors pull thangs."