I'm here because I have nowhere else to go!
 
— Kirk's unlock message

Kirk is a character released on November 7, 2013 along with the level 37 update. He is unlocked upon completion of the Bachelor Arms Apartments.

About[edit | edit source]

Kirk Evelyn Van Houten is the unemployed father of Milhouse and the ex-husband of Luann.


Read the full article here at Simpsons Wiki

Jobs[edit | edit source]

Regular Jobs

Task Rewards Time Requires Visual
Eat at Krusty Burger Cash40
Experience10
30m Krusty Burger Nope.png
Borrow a Self Help Book Cash70
Experience17
60m Springfield Library Nope.png
Cry Sitting Down in the Shower Cash175
Experience45
4h Bachelor Arms Apartments Nope.png
Hand Out Fliers Cash275
Experience70
8h - Check.png
Run the Cracker Factory Cash420
Experience105
8h Cracker Factory Nope.png
Advertise Condos Cash420
Experience100
12h - Check.png
Protect Crops Cash500
Experience125
16h Cletus's Farm Check.png
Collect Unemployment Check Cash600
Experience150
24h Office of Unemployment Nope.png

Level's Quest Based Jobs

Task Rewards Time Requires Quest Visual
Dine at El Chemistri Cash175
Experience45
4h El Chemistri Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 4 Nope.png
Testify Cash350
Experience90
4h Court House and Judge Snyder Testify! Pt. 1 Nope.png
Work at the Cracker Factory Cash275
Experience70
8h Cracker Factory Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 1 Nope.png
Thaw Frozen Hot Dogs in the Sink Cash420
Experience100
12h Bachelor Arms Apartments Weekend Dad Pt. 3 Nope.png
Work as Library Door Monitor Cash20*
Experience200
12h Springfield Library Weekend Dad Pt. 6 Nope.png
Work as Assistant Dishwasher Cash20*
Experience200
12h Skip's Diner Weekend Dad Pt. 10 Nope.png
Get Belittled By Nerds Cash20*
Experience200
12h Android's Dungeon Weekend Dad Pt. 14 Nope.png
Clean Up Fleet-A-Pitas Cash500
Experience125
16h Fleet-A-Pita Van Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 2 Nope.png
Work at the School Cash20*
Experience200
24h Springfield Elementary Weekend Dad Pt. 4 Nope.png
Serve Time Cash600
Experience150
24h Springfield Penitentiary Weekend Dad Pt. 7 Nope.png
Gold-Farm in Homer's Happy Little Elves Game Cash20*
Experience200
24h Bart's Tree House Weekend Dad Pt. 11/12 Nope.png

*During the questline, Weekend Dad, several of Kirk's jobs have a lower payout than normal.

Event's Quest Based Jobs

Task Rewards Time Requires Quest Visual
Argue Cash350
Experience90
6h Van Houten House Early Squirrel Gets the Nut Pt. 4 Nope.png

Quest Based Jobs

Task Rewards Time Requires Quest Visual
Attend Court Hearing Cash175
Experience45
4h Court House Two Extra Eyes on Springfield Pt. 7 Nope.png
Storm Police Station Cash420
Experience100
12h Police Station Two Extra Eyes on Springfield Pt. 5 Nope.png
Protest Cash600
Experience150
24h Channel 6 Two Extra Eyes On Springfield Pt. 4 Nope.png

Limited Time

Task Rewards Time Requires Quest Visual
Attend a Wake for Thanksgiving Cash175
Experience45
4h Simpson House Thankless Thanksgiving Pt. 5 Nope.png
Eat at a Restaurant Gift Cards17
Experience45
4h Restaurants Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 10 Check.png
Enjoy a Beer Gift Cards17
Experience45
4h Moe's Tavern Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 11 Nope.png
Drink Craft Beer Cash175
Experience45
4h O'Flanagan's Pub O'Flan-again Pt. 4 & Pt. 5 Nope.png
Shop for Loved Ones Gift Cards22
Experience55
6h Shops Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 12 Check.png
Overeat Gift Cards27
Experience70
8h Restaurants Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 14 Check.png
Drink Too Much Gift Cards27
Experience70
8h Moe's Tavern Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 15 Nope.png
Hunt for the Simpsons Gift Cards27
Experience70
8h Homes Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 18 Check.png
Gather At The Simpsons House Cash275
Gummies Currency Icon.png24
8h Scream-son House Treehouse of Horror XXVI Event Nope.png
Stampede Stores Gift Cards42
Experience100
12h Shops Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 16 Check.png
Enjoy a St. Patrick’s Beer Bash Cash500
Experience110
16h O'Flanagan's Pub Dye The Town Green Pt. 6 Nope.png
Train for St. Patrick's Day Beer Bash Cash600
Experience150
24h O'Flanagan's Pub Training Day Pt. 1 Nope.png

Costumes[edit | edit source]

Quotes[edit | edit source]

When Selected When sent on a good job When sent on a bad job When collecting from a job
"Oops, sorry..." "I'll get you your money!" "Oh, not again!" "I-I-I screwed up..."
"I carry around a change purse. Yeah, a purse." "I-I'll show them who's boss! ...asthma-permitting..." "You disappoint me more than I do, Milhouse." "We get paid now, right? Uh, right?"
"I'm pathetic."
"Um, I think you accidentally grabbed my wallet, dear pal".


Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • Kirk is the second character to have two permanent jobs that are the same length of time, the others being Bart and Moe. (Not including Krustyland jobs.)

Gallery[edit | edit source]

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