Kirk

“	I'm here because I have nowhere else to go!	”
	— Kirk's unlock message

Kirk is a character released on November 7, 2013 along with the level 37 update. He is unlocked upon completion of the Bachelor Arms Apartments.

About[edit | edit source]

Kirk Evelyn Van Houten is the unemployed father of Milhouse and the ex-husband of Luann.

Read the full article here at Simpsons Wiki

Task	Rewards	Time	Requires
Eat at Krusty Burger	40 10	30m	Krusty Burger
Borrow a Self Help Book	70 17	60m	Springfield Library
Cry Sitting Down in the Shower	175 45	4h	Bachelor Arms Apartments
Hand Out Fliers	275 70	8h	-
Run the Cracker Factory	420 105	8h	Cracker Factory
Advertise Condos	420 100	12h	-
Protect Crops	500 125	16h	Cletus's Farm
Collect Unemployment Check	600 150	24h	Office of Unemployment

Task	Rewards	Time	Requires	Quest
Dine at El Chemistri	175 45	4h	El Chemistri	Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 4
Testify	350 90	4h	Court House and Judge Snyder	Testify! Pt. 1
Work at the Cracker Factory	275 70	8h	Cracker Factory	Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 1
Thaw Frozen Hot Dogs in the Sink	420 100	12h	Bachelor Arms Apartments	Weekend Dad Pt. 3
Work as Library Door Monitor	20* 200	12h	Springfield Library	Weekend Dad Pt. 6
Work as Assistant Dishwasher	20* 200	12h	Skip's Diner	Weekend Dad Pt. 10
Get Belittled By Nerds	20* 200	12h	Android's Dungeon	Weekend Dad Pt. 14
Clean Up Fleet-A-Pitas	500 125	16h	Fleet-A-Pita Van	Hardly Kirk-Ing Pt. 2
Work at the School	20* 200	24h	Springfield Elementary	Weekend Dad Pt. 4
Serve Time	600 150	24h	Springfield Penitentiary	Weekend Dad Pt. 7
Gold-Farm in Homer's Happy Little Elves Game	20* 200	24h	Bart's Tree House	Weekend Dad Pt. 11/12

*During the questline, Weekend Dad, several of Kirk's jobs have a lower payout than normal.

Task	Rewards	Time	Requires	Quest	Visual
Argue	350 90	6h	Van Houten House	Early Squirrel Gets the Nut Pt. 4

Task	Rewards	Time	Requires	Quest
Attend Court Hearing	175 45	4h	Court House	Two Extra Eyes on Springfield Pt. 7
Storm Police Station	420 100	12h	Police Station	Two Extra Eyes on Springfield Pt. 5
Protest	600 150	24h	Channel 6	Two Extra Eyes On Springfield Pt. 4

Task	Rewards	Time	Requires	Quest
Attend a Wake for Thanksgiving	175 45	4h	Simpson House	Thankless Thanksgiving Pt. 5
Eat at a Restaurant	17 45	4h	Restaurants	Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 10
Enjoy a Beer	17 45	4h	Moe's Tavern	Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 11
Drink Craft Beer	175 45	4h	O'Flanagan's Pub	O'Flan-again Pt. 4 & Pt. 5
Shop for Loved Ones	22 55	6h	Shops	Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 12
Overeat	27 70	8h	Restaurants	Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 14
Drink Too Much	27 70	8h	Moe's Tavern	Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 15
Hunt for the Simpsons	27 70	8h	Homes	Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 18
Gather At The Simpsons House	275 24	8h	Scream-son House	Treehouse of Horror XXVI Event
Stampede Stores	42 100	12h	Shops	Too Much of a Good Thing Pt. 16
Enjoy a St. Patrick’s Beer Bash	500 110	16h	O'Flanagan's Pub	Dye The Town Green Pt. 6
Train for St. Patrick's Day Beer Bash	600 150	24h	O'Flanagan's Pub	Training Day Pt. 1

When Selected	When sent on a good job	When sent on a bad job	When collecting from a job
"Oops, sorry..."	"I'll get you your money!"	"Oh, not again!"	"I-I-I screwed up..."
"I carry around a change purse. Yeah, a purse."	"I-I'll show them who's boss! ...asthma-permitting..."	"You disappoint me more than I do, Milhouse."	"We get paid now, right? Uh, right?"
"I'm pathetic."
"Um, I think you accidentally grabbed my wallet, dear pal".

Kirk is the second character to have two permanent jobs that are the same length of time, the others being Bart and Moe. (Not including Krustyland jobs.)