Jasper is a series of quests featuring Jasper Beardly.

Quests[edit | edit source]

Quest Requirements Time Reward
That's A Paddlin! Make Jasper Go Paddling 4h Cash100
Springfield's Got Talent! Make Jasper Practice Lollipop Song 60m Cash100
The Prune Lagoon Make Jasper Take Incorrect Medication 12h Cash100
Back to the Freezer Make Jasper Self-Freeze at the Kwik-E-Mart 24h Cash100
Retirement Make Jasper Relax in the Retirement Home 8h Cash200

Dialogue[edit | edit source]

That's A Paddlin![edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Bart Icon.png "Hey Jasper, how's it hanging?"
Jasper Icon.png "At my age, no matter what "it" is, it's hanging low."
Bart Icon.png "Blech. Rhetorical question, dude."
Jasper Icon.png "You sassing me, boy? You better believe that's a paddlin'!

Springfield's Got Talent![edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Jasper Icon.png "Ding! Medication time!"
Jasper Icon.png "Now, was I supposed to take the red pill or the blue pill? Maybe the purple suppository?"
Jasper Icon.png "Better safe than sorry. I'll just take 'em all."
Jasper Icon.png "..."
Jasper Spacey Icon.png "Uh-oh..."

The Prune Lagoon[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Jasper Spacey Icon.png "I've never felt so alive!"
Jasper Spacey Icon.png "Which, at my age, is a sure sign of imminent death."
Jasper Icon.png "It's okay, Jasper, old fella, just got to get the right dose and you'll be back in the saddle again."
Jasper Spacey Icon.png "The buildings are so... bright... and colorful..."

Back to the Freezer[edit | edit source]

Start[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Jasper Icon.png "When the only joy you got left is taking dangerous drug cocktails, it's time to end it all."
Grampa Startled Icon.png "Don't do it, Jasper! Not before bequeathing your dangerous drug cocktails to me!"
Jasper Icon.png "Too late! I'm going back in that nice Indian fellas' freezer."

End[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Jasper Icon.png *shiver*
Jasper Icon.png "I thawed out. Is this... the future?"
Apu Icon.png "Please stand away from the sale item rack. Pork rinds are on special today."
Jasper Icon.png "It's just like I always imagine it would be."

Retirement[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Grampa Icon.png "Jasper, you old buzzard, where do you think you're going?"
Jasper Icon.png "Cram it, Abe! Can't you see I'm living in the far-distant future? You've been dead for years, idiot!"
Grampa Icon.png "You keep acting this way, they'll lock you up! Now let's get back to the Retirement Castle. It's almost time for lock-up!"
Jasper Icon.png "Don't get your knickers in a knot. If I'm going in a home, it'll be the one of my choosing!"

Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • As we can easily tell, the dialogue for "Springfield's Got Talent" and "The Prune Lagon" are messed up.
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