The first step to creating fine cuisine is quality ingredients. So I'd advise against shopping at the Kwik-E-Mart.
Ingredients? BAH! The only thing that matters is heat! That's why we're using Guatemalan Insanity Peppers!
But those peppers have been outlawed for years! Two!
Laws are like roller coasters -- full of loopholes! We just have to make an Insanity Pepper puree!
I love it!
End[]
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Hot stuff coming through! This is meant for molten metal, but I guess you could use it for chili.
It's Not the Heat, It's the Humidity Pt. 2[]
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This chili isn't hot enough! Steam came out of my nose... but my ears stayed steamless!
If you want more heat, we's gonna hafta bioengineer us some better seeds.
I should know -- I'm a direct descendant of Mendel himself. On both sides!
It's Not the Heat, It's the Humidity Pt. 3[]
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These new Insanity Peppers are tiny. Is there any way to make them bigger?
Well, I ain't no fancy pants farmer. Seriously, where do they get those fancy pants with built-in denim bibs?
But I guess with the right hydroponic treatment we can grow bigger, fuller plants.
I didn't realize you knew so much about hydroponics.
I've been practicing. But if anyone asks, it's for my glaucoma. And to make hacky sack more bearable.
It's Not the Heat, It's the Humidity Pt. 4[]
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Steam came out of all my orifices, and I mean all of them, but I didn't make any train sounds. Still not hot enough!
We could try distilling the stuff, make some kind of Insanity Pepper extract?
I gots a still that would do the trick, but it's occupied with a half-made batch of 'shine.
Not a problem anymore.
It's Not the Heat, It's the Humidity Pt. 5[]
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Steam – check! Train sound – check! But where are the hallucinations?
Insanity Peppers, please! These are Mildly Delusional Peppers at best.
We could use radioactivity to rapidly mutate them, but that would be unforgivably reckless.
You had me at reckless! Which was the end of the sentence, so I'm glad I listened all the way through.
Nuclear power – the gift that keeps on giving, for thousands of half-lives.
It's Not the Heat, It's the Humidity Pt. 6[]
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I dunno about this, Homer. This isn't just ignoring some silly fire code, like hanging exit signs over brick walls. This chili might actually hurt someone.
Don't worry, Moe. You only lose all your senses momentarily. They come back. Except for smell. And who really needs smell?
Simpson, I heard you ignored my warning. How about we place a wager on whose chili is better?
Wager? We literally just had a casino update.
Whaddya say, Homer? My chili tent against your precious tasting spoon.
You're on! Although I dropped that spoon in the garbage disposal, so it's more of a spork now.
End[]
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Okay Homer, give my chili a try.
*slurp* This is perfect… if today was Opposite Day! Which it isn't!
Although me saying it isn't is exactly what I would say if it was Opposite Day.
Really? No reaction? My chili took down a Kodiak bear!
I've got twice as much fat and three times the body hair of a Kodiak. Now it's your turn, Wiggum!
*slurp* Ahhh! My mouth! My face! My insides are shutting down faster than an arts program during a budget crisis!
Wow, I think Wiggum's last words might've been his best.