"Four scores and seven years ago, our forefathers---" "WHAT THE? WHERE DID GETTYSBURG GO? WHAT LAND IS THIS AND WHAT'S WITH ALL THE BLUE HOUSES?"
"Good glaven, it's Abraham Lincoln!" "The cashing-in of so many expensive donuts must have opened a wormhole to the past, ensnaring our sixteenth President!"
"By Jingo, my good nerd! Are you talking about t-t-t-t...time travel?"
"I am. Tell me –- in your own time period, have you ever had contact with the ancestors of the Simpsons?"
"He did once. It was only a few lines of dialog, though. It's kind of hard to see how that justifies him appearing here."
"It does seem odd. Odd and desperate!"
"This is a lot to digest. I need to relax, by doing the funnest, most rewarding activity in the world..."
"Soon. I just need to de-gloiven the hoyvenmaven, then it's a simple matter of breaking every law of the physical universe, and pressing this big red button."
"Excellent. Really looking forward to finishing up the Civil War, serving my term in office, then enjoying a long retirement."
...
"What? What did I say? Why are you looking at me all weird?"
"How come every time I mention how much I'm looking forward to retiring, starting an alpaca farm and living to a ripe old age, people get awkward and change the subject?"
"So... how IS the weather in D.C. this time of year?"
"Now you're doing it! Why? Are alpacas not a sound investment?" "You can be honest -- I'm not married to the idea. It just seemed like a fun way to pass my many, many Golden Years."
"Unbelievable! Your library stocks nothing but romance novels and books of something called "Sudoku"."
"That’s all anyone reads anymore"
"Kid, you gotta tell me what happens to me. Am I in danger? Do I die or something? Because I will do literally ANYTHING to prevent that." "Nothing is more precious to me than my life. I would gladly let the South win the war if it meant five seconds more of precious, precious living for Honest Abe." "History remembers what a huge coward I was, right?"
"Uh... no. We have a pretty high opinion of you"
"Great. Listen, I'm gonna get this beard trimmed. While I do, I suggest you seriously reconsider telling me the truth!"
"Mr.Lincoln I’ll make a deal." "I’ll tell you what happens to you if, as one of historys greatest debaters, you give a few pointers to Springfield Elementary's Debate Team."
"Sure. Make your President jump through hoops before you answer a simple question. How patriotic of you."
"I'm precocious. Its not a crime."
"Well, when I get back I'm gonna MAKE it one. Well call it the Lisa Simpson Amendment."
"Okay, Mr. Lincoln -- a deals a deal. Here's what happens to you. On the night of April 14, 1865..."
"You know what? If what I've seen of Springfield is typical of the rest of America in 2013, let some other sucker preserve this crappy Union. I'm staying here."
"I'm afraid we cant let you do that, Mr. President."