Character
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Dialogue
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"Ach, a sporting-goods store! Willie needs some equipment for that grand Scottish tradition -- the Highland Games!"
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"You there -- clerk! I want to buy a caber. It's a long, heavy wooden pole, tapered at one end--"
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"I know what they are. Aisle 6."
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"Wait, yer sayin' you actually carry cabers?"
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"The sign says “All your sports equipment needs.” I've never known a sign to lie."
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"Usually the way this works is, I go to a store, ask them if they have some ridiculous Scottish thing, and they act like they've never heard of it."
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"This makes Willie hoppin' mad. Then Willie punches the clerk and spends the night in jail."
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"It's a grand old time. I was expecting that was how this would go."
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"No, sir. Aisle 6 for cabers."
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"Hold on, I'm not done yet. I don't suppose you stock any Maide Leisg?"
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"Scottish for “lazy stick,” used in traditional tests of strength. Aisle 7."
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"Crivens! How about this -- in one particularly silly event, we toss sheafs of wheat over a pole. Highest toss wins."
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"Wheat sheafs and pitchforks are next to the tennis rackets. 20-pound and 10-pound sheafs available."
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"What if another Scot is eyeballin' my lass, and I need to clock him over the skull with a traditional Scottish skull-clockin' hammer?"
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"They're behind the CrossFit stuff."
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"I can see you're gonna give Willie no cause to pick a fight. And for that I will be forever sorry."
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