God Bless Native America
November 15, 2013
God Bless Native America is a quest from the Thanksgiving 2013 Event featuring the Tribal Chief. Caesar's Pow-Wow Casino is required to start this quest.
God Bless Native America Pt. 1
Tribal Chief Learn About Springfield's Culture Make Homer Teach About Springfield's Culture
God Bless Native America Pt. 2
Make Tribal Chief Hand Out Expired Vouchers
God Bless Native America Pt. 3
Lisa Visit the Kwik-E-Mart Make Tribal Chief Visit the Kwik-E-Mart
God Bless Native America Pt. 4
Make Lisa Visit
Android's Dungeon Make Tribal Chief Visit Android's Dungeon
God Bless Native America Pt. 5
Make Lisa Visit
Moe's Tavern Make Tribal Chief Visit Moe’s Tavern
God Bless Native America Pt. 6
Make Tribal Chief Embark on a Vision Quest
God Bless Native America Pt. 7
Wiggum Have Fun at the Native Casino
God Bless Native America Pt. 8
Make Lisa Fret About Native American Relations
Make Homer Fret About Native American Relations
God Bless Native America Pt. 9
Make Tribal Chief Attend a Corporate Meeting
Make Lisa Attend a Corporate Meeting
God Bless Native America Pt. 10
Make Springfielders ‘Live it up’ at the Native Casino (x10)
God Bless Native America Pt. 1 [ edit | edit source ]
Excuse me sir, is this Springfield?
U-huh... You new? I ain't never seen your kind 'round here 'fore." "Fancy tie, suede jacket... I KNOWS! Y'allz one of dem preem-yam characters I'z been hearin' 'bout!
Oh just ignore him, he's the local yokel - one of many beloved American stereotypes." "Speaking of stereotypes, you must be here to help celebrate this year's Thanksgiving?
No, actually I'm here on business. I run the new casino and would like to learn a little bit about Springfield.
A Native American opening a casino, eh? No stereotypes that I can see there.
So that's everything there is to know about our little town!
Hmmm... that took far less time then I'd anticipated.
Yes. Like most colonial towns, Springfield stole the staggering majority of its cultural heritage from other people.
Except the Harlem Shake! We invented that.
God Bless Native America Pt. 2 [ edit | edit source ]
I'm really excited to see Native America finally represented in our town Chief!
Thank you Lisa, it's nice to feel welcome in spite of my current price point." "Speaking of money, would you like to help me get started on my mission to break down the walls of cultural insensitivity and ignorance?
I'd love to! What would you like me to do? Hand out pamphlets? Organize protests? Burn an effigy? I've always wanted to burn an effigy.
No, no. Nothing quite so involved. I just need an unpaid volunteer to help me deliver Casino Vouchers.
...for some kind of a unification ceremony?
No, to advertise the casino. Social Security checks come today, and I want to fleece the oldies before they have time to deposit their money.
*sigh* I'm trying to like you, but you're not making it easy.
God Bless Native America Pt. 3 [ edit | edit source ]
I think it would be a great idea for you to say hello to some of the local business owners.
They hold a lot of clout over what goes on in Springfield.
Did I just hear a gun go off inside that convenience store?
I wish I could say no.
If it isn't Lisa Simpson. It is good to see you again! Please forgive the bullet holes. We're, uh... re-decorating. With holes.
And who is your middle-aged friend?
This is Chief... Um... I'm so sorry! I just realized I don't know your name!
Just call me Chief. It got too hard for my tribe to think of decent names after a while.
Just ask my brother Bad Smelling Wind. Or my cousin Really Bad Smelling Wind.
Wow! A native tribe and its casino in Springfield! How exciting! This is most excellent news!
It pleases me that you feel so warmly towards native Americans.
Anything to get these racist crackers off my back.
God Bless Native America Pt. 4 [ edit | edit source ]
I'm sorry about all these terrible jokes Chief. You're not really getting the writers when they're at their best. Kind of dregs, really.
Speaking of dregs, let me introduce you to Comic Book Guy."
On behalf of my people: The Nation of Obese Nerds of Comic Book Retail, I welcome you to Springfield!
I have learned much of your people's struggle from the countless minor comic book characters of native origin.
This includes Captain Tomahawk, Mohawk Man, The Pow Wow Puncher and my personal favorite, Firewater Man.
It would be my honor if you were to join a brief 'Q & A' gathering inside my shop."
God Bless Native America Pt. 5 [ edit | edit source ]
"Wow... that was awkward."
"That place smelled worse than the sweatiest sweat lodge."
"Maybe we should visit someone a little less entertaining next."
Chief, meet Moe Szyslak. Moe, the Chief is a manager of a Native Casino that's just moved into town.
Well, I guess I'll finally have to stop organizing illicit after-hours poker games at the bar.
Oh don't worry, we're not here to compete with you for illegal business.
Oh I ain't worried, I still go the panda smuggling. People love the panda smuggling. They buy em as fast I can smuggle em. Panda, panda, panda... smuggle, smuggle, smuggle...
You are truly a monster.
God Bless Native America Pt. 6 [ edit | edit source ]
I'm so embarrassed by this town." "You must think Springfield is the most backward place in the world.
It could be worse.
No idea. Just making conversation.
Honestly, I would do anything to leave this place right now.
Unfortunately there are no roads leading out of town. You can't build them that way here.
They can trap my body, but they can't trap my mind.
God Bless Native America Pt. 7 [ edit | edit source ]
Sir! Is that your Casino parked over there?
Yes. Yes it is. Why do you ask?
May I see you license, registration and a certificate of insurance?
I have only just arrived in town. I'm afraid I don't have any of those things.
In that case you should know you're contravening the Springfield Gaming and Gambling statute.
Specifically you're in violation of section 3, subsection 8 paragraph 391.
And yes, I did memorize that bit of the law just in case an unlicensed native casino arrived in town unexpectedly.
Typical. I've only just arrived and already I'm being harassed by cops.
Tell you what, I'll hold off on giving you a citation. But I will need to inspect the premise for any, errr... illegal activity.
Now that is what I call a buffet. Shrimp, lobster claws, crab legs... and the muffins! They're bigger than at Pechanga!
No one's muffins are bigger than Pechanga's, but thank you for the compliment.
God Bless Native America Pt. 8 [ edit | edit source ]
Dad, I’m worried the Chief doesn't like it here in Springfield and wants to leave.
Oh Lisa. The Chief is now as much part of this town as you and I are. Where’s he gonna go? Clash of Clans? I don’t think so.
What if he just doesn't’t like us and decides to embark on an objective that has no end date...
And what if that endless objective can’t be rushed with donuts?!
Hold me Lisa!
God Bless Native America Pt. 9 [ edit | edit source ]
Lisa – I had a vision quest! Matthew Modine fell in love with Linda Fiorentino.
I think you just saw the movie “Vision Quest”.
In the movie does Matthew Modine have super powers including super-stretching and super-strength and invisibility and sometimes flying? And is Linda Fiorentino a talking frog?
Maybe you did have a vision quest.
What does it mean?
I think we need to talk to the chief before he leaves town!!!
All Characters Sent Out on Tasks [ edit | edit source ]
...as this graph indicates, during the last quarter our video lottery terminal profits soared like an eagle!
I’m sorry to interrupt your meeting!
Why, if it isn’t little Lisa Simpson...
How unexpected that I should see you in the middle of a hastily scheduled quarterly investor call...
I just wanted to make sure you didn’t leave without considering everything the town has to offer to you and your tribe!
Leave? But Lisa, I would never leave a town that had a person like you in it.
Really? Thank you. But why me?
Because unlike the rest of the dolts in this town, you have a future. You will grow up to do something great, and no doubt make a fortune.
And then you will visit the casino and we will get a large chunk of that fortune from you.
WOO HOO! The Chief is staying!
*sigh* Chief, I’m still having trouble liking you.
God Bless Native America Pt. 10 [ edit | edit source ]
So all this talk about lifting Springfield out of its cultural poverty wasn’t true?
I think you misunderstood Lisa.
The fact that my business is doing so well is proof that our efforts here have been fruitful!
I’m not sure I’d call ‘Living it up at the Casino’ a real cultural exchange...
When you think about it, casinos are actually a regressive tax on the disadvantaged.
Money is extracted from the poorest and most vulnerable of the community with little contribution to the local tax base because all the profits go to the tribe.
You can go now.
Be sure to tell everyone in town: “For great good, terrific shows, and gaming action, be sure to visit Caesar’s Pow Wow Casino!”