"What?! Moe ran out of beer?!" "Impossible! That's like Miley Cyrus running out of tounge poses!" "Apu, two chases of your cheapest beer! Nothing fancy, just something to make me woozy and bloated."
"I would love to sell you dangerous quantities of alcohol." "Especially since you always stumble back later for snackcakes, lotto tickets and those adult diaper wipes." "But all the bottles of alcohol in my store mysteriously exploded. And the walls behind the alcohol have mysteriously developed baseball bat dents."
"So there's no booze in this whole town? Oh God! I'll be forced to face it like sober!" "None of my ideas will seem brilliant!" "George Lopez won't be funny at all!"
"Psst, I know how you could have enough alcohol to ruin TWO livers..."
"I'll do anything you say, hooded figure I just met!"
"Re-build the Stonecutter Lodge!"
"That's right! They had a microbrewery, champagne fountain and bourbon jacuzzi!"
"Yes, The Stonecutters invented alcoholism as a way to control "cool people".
"And for that, I am forever grateful. I shall build the What-cha-ma-callit Lodge!"
"Hey, everyone! Look at The Sacred Texts! I never noticed this part here, scrawled in purple crayon!" "In the event of nuclear meltdown, the NEW leader shall be he who holds the sacred purple crayon!" Oh look, I have it right here!"
"I don't know… that crayon looks more like a deep plum."
"It also says Homer gets to keep the title of “Chosen One” and the fancy hat and… uh… this “Doors of Europe” calendar."
"Woohoo! It's a deal! There's a bunch of unused months on this!"
"Number 1, you may be the leader of The Stonecutters but these days all of us take our orders from…" "The Sky Finger." "The Sky Finger places all our buildings and sends us on our jobs." "Often while he's supposed to be working no less."
"Well, I shan't be doing this Sky Finger's bidding." "Sky Finger! Obey MY command! "open-bracket COLLECT underscore FROM underscore HOUSES close-bracket""
"Now carefully and thoughtfully place the Sacred Parchment. It is the most hallowed artifact of The Stonecutters." "More essential to us than the fragment of the cross, the holy folder of take-out menus and the rack for our pool table."
"Ooo, let see what's in our treasure chest!" "Holy hand grenade..." "ring with writing on it that makes me want to punch people…" "used shroud with some bearded dude's face burned in…" *moans* "There's nothing good in here!" "This jeweled cup is too wide for drinking. Still, I guess I can use it."
"My brothers in stone, it is good to see you all once again assembled in this lodge." "The Springfield Stonecutters are growing in their power. The time has come to use our strength to take over the Shelbyville chapter…" "…and then the WORLD!"
"These Stonecutter meetings are so stressful. No one cowers in my presence. People make eye contact." "Lenny actually said, “How's it goin'?” to me. And because he outranks me I was compelled to tell him!" "I don't know how you non-richies handle the nobody-ness of it all."
"We're used to it, sir. Shall I prepare the relaxation pool?"
"Now we begin our siege of the Shelbyville Chapter." "We will sneak into their Lodge, steal their booze then frame the Shelbyville chapter's leader for the crime." "Homer, do you think you can handle this?"
"Sure, I'm pretty stealthy when I'm not dragging around a rock."