Free Hugs

Free Hugs is the starting questline of the Treehouse of Horror XXV Event.

QuestsEdit

DialogueEdit

Free Hugs Pt. 1Edit

StartEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"Hey there. You're new in town, aren't you?" "I'm a police officer, in case you're wondering why I'm so astute."
	"You do seem pretty sharp."
	"Chief Wiggum! He's not a visitor to our town, he's a hostile alien. Arrest him and call out the national guard."
	"I was gonna do that. That's the procedure for all visitors." "I think it may be why our tourism industry is in the dumper."
	"Wait! I have fled the lush tyranny of Rigel VII to seek asylum in this trailer park of a planet: Earth."
	"Oh, Chief Wiggum, we've got to help him! Kang is a defector, like Rudolph Nureyev or Martina Navratilova!"
	"Yeah, but those guys could do stuff and this thing's just a drooling squid."
	"I wish to be an Earthling now and follow Earthling customs." "Our drone cameras report that you saliva-swallowing bipeds enjoy building useless 2-D buildings." "I shall build the most useless, most two-dimensional building of all!"
	"Wait, did you say drone cameras?"
	"Silence foolish Earth-tween! If you are accusing me of breeding organic, living camera drones that resemble Earth's housefly..." "and then abandoning the project because we got too much footage of dog poo, you are paranoid!"
	"Just build your building."

EndEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"So what kind of store did you build, Mr. Kang?"
	"It is genius!" "I provide plush-bear skins and people pay to labor like third-world child-slaves, stuffing and putting sunglasses on them."
	"I guess you'll never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public."
	"Look at the accessories! There's even a tiny wheel chair!"
	"And a little boombox! I wanna make one!"
	"Yes! Stuff! Stuff like there's no tomorrow!" "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Treat YourselfEdit

StartEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"I might skip trick-or-treating this year." "There's so much hunger in the world, I feel guilty getting candy from strangers just because I'm wearing green makeup and a latex wart."
	"Nonsense. You "liked" that Upworthy video about Darfur. You've gone above and beyond to stop world hunger!"
	"Maybe you're right. And I did make that Ethiopian baby sleeping next to a goat carcass my profile picture. I deserve a treat!"
	"Mother Teresa never felt guilty about trick or treating. Go and don't come back till your pillowcase strains at the seams."

EndEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"What a haul! This might be my best year ever!" "What's this? Who gave me a nail?"
	"Remember Professor Frink built that robot that was giving out treats."
	"Oh. Are nails candy to robots?"
	"Nah. I think it was just falling apart."

Free Hugs Pt. 2Edit

StartEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"You were right to insist I go trick-or-treating, Mr. Kang. I had a great time."
	"You deserve it. Now don't be shy -- eat your candy!"
	"Thank you, I will."
	"Yes, eat and fatten yourself!" "Then relax by soaking in some olive oil with garden and lemon zest overnight in the refrigerator!"
	"Hmmm, you're starting to sound like the people-eating Rigellian you used to be."
	"What? No! I am now one of you. Can't you tell by my fanny pack and my tramp stamp?"
	"Hmm…"

EndEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"Enough of this grilling! I'll tell you everything. I'm setting you up for a Rigellian invasion. In fact, it's already begun!"
	"I didn't even start questioning you yet - all I asked is if you wanted a drink."
	"Oh, In that case… I'LL TELL YOU NOTHING, IMPUDENT GIRL-COW!" "And I'll take an iced tea."
	"Yeah, I think I'm gonna go alert everyone to the invasion."
	"Great Gas God! She knows about the invasion!!"
	"Quickly! Begin phase two of the invasion. Codename: Phase Two!"

Free Hugs Pt. 3Edit

StartEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"People of Earth, cower before the approaching Rigellian onslaught!"
	"They're smaller than I expected…"
	"Our army is made of juveniles who are old enough to fight but too young to vote." It's the only way we get to fight the really cool, stupid wars."
	"Well, I'm not afraid. We have a secret weapon! Prepare to be squished by The Sky Finger!"

EndEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"Ha, ha, ha, ha! Your impotent squishings do nothing!" "Our troops are wearing a protective film, much like the tinted windows of your Earth limousines." "In my short time as an Earthling, I really got into the whole club scene. You know, VIP rooms, bottle service…" "But that is neither here for any other place!" "Prepare for your future as livestock!"
	"I already came up with the squishing them idea." "If the survival of humanity depends on me coming up with another idea, we are ska-rewed."

Free Hugs Pt. 4Edit

StartEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"Those aliens are going to eat me first for sure." "Oh, why do my loins have to be so marbled?!"
	"Before we start talking about the quality of our body meat, let's find a way to resist the moiven-occupation!" "I can engineer a super-weapon!" "I just need a small, metal, nail-like object."
	"I got a nail in my treat bag. Will that work?"
	"Well, it's a little on the nose, but we don't have time for subtlety."

EndEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"Good glavin, look what I found here next to the teddy-bear-stuffing-injector! The Rigellians have a re-moleculizor!" "This fascinating machine can take any thing and turn it into a different thing! With the molecules and reconfiguring and the---"
	"Don't get distracted, Professor! You have to get to work on that weapon."
	"Oh, I've already made the super-weapon. It's there on the counter."
	"You hammered a nail into a piece of scrap wood?"
	"I also installed a decal that said, "Awesome!" but it, uh, did not stick. Ahoy-vun."

Free Hugs Pt. 5Edit

StartEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"We're doomed! We can't fight off an army of aliens invaders with a board with a nail in it!"
	"A board with a nail in it?!" "Retreat! Retreat!" "Our protective film is worthless if it gets scratched even a little!"
	"Sky Finger, squish now! While they are vulnerable! Squish like you've never squished before!"

EndEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"Woo hoo! The town is completely clear of aliens! Time to get back yo our regular, fulfilling lives."
	"You fool! Just because you have cleared your town of Rigellians doesn't mean you have prevailed." "We will continue to send small numbers of your Springfield over the course of approximately one Earth month." "Maybe longer. Sometimes we extend these things for a week or two after we say we're going to."
	"Why don't you just send everyone at once and get it over with?"
	"Ha, ha, ha, ha! As if your Earth phones could handle that many Rigellians on screen at the same time!"

Trick YourselfEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"A-ha! Using the Rigellian re-moleculizor I was able to transform this Hello Kitty plush toy..." "...into a much more masculine Hockey Playing Hello Kitty plush toy!"
	"You didn't need a machine for that. You could have just changed her jersey and removed some of her teeth."
	"Regardless! This experiment proves that we can use the re-moleculizor to change Halloween candies into… well, other things."
	"Nobody's going to want to trick-or-treat during an alien invasion!"

	"Limited time?! But I want everything!"
	"Me too! Trick-or-Treat! Go! Go! NOW!"
	*sigh* "I'll get my costume."