| Quest
| Requirements
| Time
| Reward
| Triggered By
|
| Four Fingers of Death Pt. 1
| Make Kung Fu Comic Book Guy Teach Kung Fu
Make Bart Attend Kung Fu Class
| 8h
60m
|  100, 10
| Comic Book Guy
|
| Four Fingers of Death Pt. 2
| Make Kung Fu Comic Book Guy Binge Watch Kung Fu Movies
| 24h
| 100, 10
| Comic Book Guy
|
| Four Fingers of Death Pt. 3
| Make Kung Fu Comic Book Guy Use Nunchaku
| 12h
| 100, 10
| Comic Book Guy
|
| Four Fingers of Death Pt. 4
| Make Kung Fu Comic Book Guy Practice Moves
| 4h
| 100, 10
| Comic Book Guy
|
| Four Fingers of Death Pt. 5
| Make Kung Fu Comic Book Guy Challenge His Rival Need Bart Simpson
| 16h
| 100, 10
| Comic Book Guy
|
| I Lava Good Fight Scene *
| Make Kung Fu Comic Book Guy Battle B-Movie Style
| 16h
| 100, 10
| Comic Book Guy
|
| Character
| Dialogue
|
|
| Hey, look, everybody! It's the Kung Fu Panda!
|
|
| Judge me by my girth, do you? You are a foolish child, unwise in the ways of gongfu.
|
|
| I have devoted years to studying the eldritch secrets of the East, learning from the greatest masters:
|
|
| Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, Keanu Reeves in “The Matrix,” Chris Farley in “Beverly Hills Ninja...”
|
|
| ...and, yes, the aforementioned Kung Fu Panda. Seriously, I know he's a cartoon, but the dude knows his stuff.
|
|
| I can teach you much, if you would but listen.
|
| Character
| Dialogue
|
|
| A true Master can erect an impenetrable defense. I shall demonstrate. Please, young Bart, attack me however you like.
|
|
| Oof!
|
|
| Gah! Let go of the pony tail!
|
|
| Yowza! Right in the chi!
|
| Character
| Dialogue
|
|
| Defeated by a child! I have brought shame upon my dojo and upon my family, two entities that were none-too-crazy about me to begin with.
|
|
| Clearly, I need further training.
|
|
| To the couch!
|
| Character
| Dialogue
|
|
| At last, the movies have revealed the weakness in my gongfu!
|
|
| Was I defeated because I can't do a sit-up without the aid of a gantry crane? No! I merely lack a strong revenge motive!
|
|
| Kumiko! I swear I will avenge your death at the hands of Bart Simpson!
|
|
| I'm not dead, my gigantic love.
|
|
| Obviously! I'm only FANTASIZING that my wife is dead. It's something all great husbands do.
|
|
| I was not aware of this, my strange, obese soul mate. Carry on.
|
|
| Oh, why have I been cursed with a wonderful, living wife?!
|
| Character
| Dialogue
|
|
| My otherwise regal body is not, I admit, ideally suited to the exertions of hand-to-hand combat.
|
|
| Being struck by my fat-wrapped fists is like snuggling into a mountain of the softest eider down.
|
|
| Being kicked by my legs is like... well, I can't raise them more than six inches, so it's irrelevant.
|
|
| But I DO have something far more important -- the cunning reflexes of a jungle cat.
|
|
| Therefore, I shall dedicate myself to mastering that most ancient of weapons...
|
|
| Nice nunchucks, you wad!
|
|
| They are properly called “nunchaku!” A-doy!
|
|
| You just tied two Wii controllers end-to-end by the straps.
|
|
| THEY STILL COUNT!
|
|
| No they don't. Plastic nunchucks are no nunchucks at all, you dope.
|
|
| It's “nunchaku!” A-doy! A thousand times a-doy!
|
| Character
| Dialogue
|
|
| Soon I will face Bart Simpson in a fateful and deadly clash of martial arts grand masters.
|
|
| A little more practice, followed by a lengthy fast food crawl through Springfield's Trans Fat District, and my body will be prepared.
|
| Character
| Dialogue
|
|
| Bart Simpson, I challenge you!
|
|
| Stand and face me, if you be man enough, in the ultimate gongfu arena:
|
|
| A head-to-head battle in “Martial Arts Eviscerators 7: Entrails of Fury Edition!”
|
|
| Wait. You want to challenge me to a kung fu VIDEO GAME?
|
|
| Not my original plan. Let's just say Krustyburger's new “Bacon-wrapped Fish Taco Pizzaburger with Ranch Drizzles” is not easy on the digestive system.
|
|
| I'm in no shape to fight.
|
|
| But enough talk. Choose your controller.
|
| Character
| Dialogue
|
|
| Yes! You are defeated, Bart Simpson! I have proven myself the master!
|
|
| The “X” button on this controller doesn't work. And you were in “God Mode” the whole time.
|
|
| A true master makes full use of cheat codes. Let this be your first lesson, my pupil.
|
|
| Not for nothing, “master,” but you really need to move around more. Your flab is growing into the couch.
|
|
| Yes, I know.
|
| Character
| Dialogue
|
|
| *gasp* How have I never noticed this enormous volcano on the edge of town?
|
|
| What a perfect location for an underground lair.
|
|
| Already taken, friend! Sorry about that. I know how rarely active volcanoes with an open floor plan come on the underground lair market.
|
|
| Perhaps I could leave you my card? In case you ever want to sell.
|
|
| You know, that's a great idea? Operation Vertumnus is entering Phase 3 any day now.
|
|
| In a month or two, I'll be pulling up stakes for the lifeless remains of San Francisco. If I can ever get the Desiccation Ray working!
|
|
| You don't happen to know anyone who has a metric ton of Carbon-12 Negative-Matrix Nightmare Crystals to unload, do you?
|
|
| Sadly, no.
|
|
| Yeah, they're hard to find. Messing up my whole supply chain. But no one said holding the planet for ransom has to be easy!
|
|
| Anyway, if all that pans out, I'd sure like to pass the volcano lair to someone who'll give it the love it deserves.
|
|
| Now, I couldn't help but notice you're wearing a karate gi. What do you know about the martial arts, friend?
|
|
| Everything.
|
|
| Dandy! How'd you like to train my fighting force? They don't need to be any good, you understand.
|
|
| I just need them to run at the good guys and get mowed down while I escape in my Invisible Atomic Rocket Sled.
|
100, 
10
