"WHACKINGDAYWHACKINGDAYWHACKINGDAYWHACKINGDAY WHACKINGDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Lisa, know what day it is? Here's a hint -- it's the day we whack snakes with sticks until they die. Can you guess?"
"Oh, right. I forgot you're not a fan." "But even YOU can appreciate my new whacking stick. It's got everything -- a handle, the part you hit the snake with... and that's all."
"I've always been partial to Crushman Co.'s line of whacking sticks: the Brainseeker, the Snake Harmer, the Blunt Force Mama..."
"Sure, those were fine sticks in their day. But the new carbon fiber whackers are light years ahead. It's almost like the snake is whacking itself."
"In all our squabbling over personal preference, let's not lose sight of the true meaning of Whacking Day -- God hates snakes."
"Is it my imagination, or are these bunnies... laying eggs?"
"You don't think that these are ACTUAL Easter Bunnies, do you?"
"So the Easter Bunny is real? Because my friend Janey doesn't believe in him, yet she still gets a basket." "It's only anecdotal evidence, but it's sent shock waves through the entire second grade's belief system."
"Of course the Easter Bunny is real! Don't listen to that moron Janey. Just cling tight to your remaining innocence with all your strength, little girl."
"Okay, will do. Phew."
"Now, stand aside. Daddy's got some eggs to collect."
"Maybe it does. Consider that over the years, we've whacked the local snake population into near-extinction." "Leaving bunnies without a key predator, thereby allowing their numbers to explode." "Once again, we see evidence of the fludity of natural ecosystems. Animal populations change over time depending on their environment."
"So you're saying that all these bunnies are proof that nature is capable of adaptation and change. Sort of like evolution?"
"Well, we can't have evidence of evolution hopping around everywhere. Time to go bunny-huntin'!"
"Hello, Lisa! Care to choose from our selection of ultra-high-quality Easter-themed items?"
"A few days ago this store was stuffed with Whacking Day supplies. How'd you switch to Easter so quickly?"
"You think it's so difficult getting plastic junk in a hurry?" "That said, this is, of course, only the highest-quality plastic junk." "Sold at a very reasonable markup of 6,000%." "And still they buy. How I weep for my adopted homeland."
"Not to niptick, Homer, but Easter is actually about the resurrection of our Lord."
"Really? How come I'm just hearing about this?"
"You can't be serious. You go to church every Sunday. Has literally none of it sunk in?"
"I like the part when we all shake hands and wish each other well." "It's fun because sometimes you shake the hand of a dude you hate, and you can God-bless them in a sort of Clint Eastwood-style voice." "Like, you say "Peace be with you," but what you really mean is "I'll see you in hell." "And if that's all I take from religion, well, that's enough. It truly is."
"There's simply no logical explanation for a rabbit that lays eggs. It's like something out of a bad movie, or a poorly-thought-out video game!"
"I beg ta differ, little pointy-haired girl." "As an expert on crossbreeding and inbreeding of all kind, I know genetic oopies like this happed every day." "There's several Spucklers what lays eggs. You never tasted such delicious yolks. Ain't no egg like a person egg."
"You're saying these rabbits might have been genetically engineered to lay eggs? But who would do such a thing? And why?"
"I reckon that's for later missions. Right now, I need to grow some carrots for our little friends. For all I know, they's kin!"
"Principal Skinner, are you aware that the school library is woefully undersupplied with books on genetic engineering?"
"Well, our funding has been drastically cut back. But we did recently acquire some mid-eighties L.L.Bean catalogs." "Quench your thirst for knowledge on those." "And while I realize that the latest fad theories in education would dispute this, I've never really felt that girls and science are a good fit."
"I shouldn't have said that, should I?"
"Please, I'm just trying to determine if rabbits can be bred to lay eggs."
"Ah, yes. Well good luck with your worthy inquiries. Me, I plan on enjoying the free eggs while they're here." "Mother never let me go on an egg hunt. She said it was waste of good food that I'd never find anyway..."
"Why's everyone so excited about hunting magical bunnies around town? I've been doing it for years."
"Yeah, but these bunnies aren't drunken hallucinations, Barn. They're real."
"Oh. Hey, that IS exciting!"
"Yeah, well it don't hold a candle to Whacking Day. There's something about killing defenseless little animals that just warms a creep's heart." "Wait -- what am I saying? The only reason people ain't killin' bunnies is because they're squeamish. But there ain't an ounce of squeam in me!"
"Anything for you, Lisa. So long as it in no way conflicts with my being a word-class chicken." "Or involves breaking any rules of any kind, even rules I know to be stupid and/or unenforceable."
"Come on, Milhouse. Live a little."
"I've made it ten years without living. I'm not about to start now."
"I'm trying to track down where the eggs go after they're redeemed. I need you to buy an Easter Box from the mysterious stranger." "If you help me out, Puppy Goo Goo gets invited to every tea party I throw from now on."
"I can't deny that Puppy Goo Goo's anaemic social life is the greatest concern of my life. Very well, Lisa, I'm in."
"Must get every Easter Box prize... Must complete set... Life meaningless until all are mine..."
"Snap out of it, man! Quit letting a randomized outcome rule your life."
"Oh, it's not random. There's a pattern, I'm sure of it. Just like there's a pattern to how we walk around town... I assume."
"Maybe you should just go to work. Then you could earn enough money to buy the things you want outright."
"What's the point of that? There's no drama, no delectable tension. Besides, Mr. Burns told all his employees to take the month off and collect eggs." "Which I find in no way suspicious! Now shut up." "According to an online forum post I just read, the next Easter Box I buy is guaranteed to pay off big! Guaranteed!"
"Maybe if we listen to "Sax on the Beach," we'll find a clue as to why these bunnies were bred."
"Listen to jazz? I'd rather die. Seriously. That's not an expression. I honestly, rationally choose death over jazz."
"I really don't understand this hatred for America's--"
"ONLY INDIGENOUS ART FORM??? WE GET IT!!!" "IT'S STILL GROWN MEN NOODLING AROUND ON WIND INSTRUMENTS FOR HOURS ON END." "Sorry. Look, you're my sister. And despite that fact, I like you. On rare occasions." "But don't ask this of me. If I hear lick one, I will literally vomit to death."
"So it was you who engineered these rabbits? I never suspected it would be the one and only scientist in town!"
"It's true. I gave life to these adorable abominations. Sooooo fluffy, sooooo cursed. Glayvin."
"But why reach out to me?"
"Because I knew it was wrong. My delicate nerd bones crumple under the weight of a three-pound backpack, let alone a half ton of guilt." "Burns' farm is enormous, and those rabbits breed like overly linbidinous I-can't-think-of-the-word." "It was inevitable a few rabbits would escape into the wild."
"And Burns doesn't want to lose their eggs! That leaves only one question left to answer."
"Why did I do it? You see, I've collected nearly all the Faberge eggs that survive to this day." "And it wasn't easy. You have no idea how difficult stealing from Russian oligarchs is. "Paranoid" doesn't begin to describe those guys." "But there's on kind of Faberge even THEY don't have. A naturally-occurring one." "And so I hired Frink to create a creature that just might someday lay one."
"So that's why you needed every single egg. On the off chance that one might contain your prize."
"Ha! I guess even the super-rich are powerless against the endless, unquenchable urge to collect things they don't need."
"Of course! It's universal. A fact for which all of us in this digital town should be very grateful."
"Hmm, I guess if people weren't suckers for collecting, EA would have no reason to keep updating this game."
"Exactly. So stop pointing out how useless this whole endeavor is, you idiot! We need these people!"
All bunnies now have a rare chance to plop out the elusive Natural Faberge Egg. Or, if you're completely, utterly sick of death of randomly-generated events, you can get it from the store.