"Ho-ho-diddly-dum-dee… Wait, let Santa try to say that again." "Ho-ho-di-doodily-humdilly… Sorry. I’ll get this right. Maybe if I try it reeeeeal slow." "Ho… ho… ho… There! I dum-doodily-did it!" *sigh* "I need a new schtick." "I’ll worry about that later. For now, there’s Santa work to do!" "Time to spread some holiday cheer to the good children of Springfield!" "And also Bart Simpson." "Time to be the best, most appropriate Santa this town has ever seen!"
"Next stop on the Santa Express -- church!" "Church is Santa’s natural stomping grounds, after all." "Because when people see this red-and-white suit, they immediately think: on this day, a savior is born."
"I don’t get it. I’ve never gotten so many dirty looks in my life. What is so off-putting about a stridently proselytizing Santa?"
"Think of it this way. We all love the Peanuts Christmas special, right?"
"But then Linus launches into that long speech quoting scripture ..."
"Ooh! That’s the best part, am I right?"
"Well, no. Honestly, even I am a little weirded out. And I’m Christian. See what I mean?" "Maybe it’s enough that Christmas, to most people, is about giving gifts to people we love." "I mean, it’s not really about that. It’s about receiving. But you and I can have a good time giving, right?" "And there’s no better giver than Santa!"