A Family Man is a side questline released on September 8, 2020, during Act 4 of the The Van Houtens 2020 Event. It requires the outfit Italian Milhouse for Milhouse.
Quests[]
| Quest | Requirements | Time | Reward | Triggered by |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| A Family Man Pt. 1 | Make Milhouse Cry in His Room Make Luann Send Milhouse to His Room* |
4h - |
 100  10
|
Milhouse |
| A Family Man Pt. 2 | Make Italian Milhouse Talk With His Hands Make Luigi Examine Milhouse* |
4h 4h |
100 10
|
Milhouse |
| A Family Man Pt. 3 | Make Milhouse Wet His Pants Make Fat Tony Threaten Milhouse* |
12h 12h |
100 10
|
Milhouse |
| A Family Man Pt. 4 | Make Milhouse Talk About Swiss Army Knives While He Works Make Michael D’Amico Talk With Milhouse While He Works* |
8h 8h |
100 10
|
Milhouse |
| A Family Man Pt. 5 | Make Milhouse Enjoy Ultra XX Hunter Signature Premium | 4h | 200 20
|
Milhouse |
* Will only appear if the character is owned by the player and auto-completes due to the job not being implemented.
Dialogue[]
A Family Man Pt. 1[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
Mom, can I have four hundred and fifty dollars? |
|
What could you possibly need that much money for? You’re Dad’s not being blackmailed again, is he? |
|
|
Not that I know of. I wanna buy a Swiss Army Knife. The Ultra XX Hunter Signature Premium model. It’s not the crappy one that Sprawl-Mart makes. |
|
No son of mine will be seen brandishing a knife! Where do you get such ridiculous ideas? Have you been talking to your uncle Bastardo again? |
|
You never give me anything I want. You’re giving the Only Child Syndrome a bad name! |
End[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
I need you, Snuggie Bear. Where did I fling you? Are you hiding in the closet again? |
|
|
Whoa. What have we here? |
A Family Man Pt. 2[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
It’s the outfit that Luigi gave me when I got food poisoning at his restaurant! |
|
Wait a minute… I’ll ask Luigi for a job that pays four hundred and fifty dollars! He’ll say okay. He’s always saying it on his pizza boxes. |
|
|
Mom, I’m going out! I’m gonna get a job so I can buy knives! |
|
Okay, sweetie! |
|
*tossing pizza* Hey-a, Milhouse. Come va? |
|
|
Pretty good, Luigi. I was hoping I could get a job here. |
|
A job, eh? Come-a here, let me have a good look at you. |
End[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
Well, you too small to handle da bags of flour, and you too big to fit in da attic to handle da rats. |
|
*puts hands up* I understand. I guess I just don’t have what it takes to make it in the restaurant business. |
|
Hey, let me-a look at those tiny-a little hands. Magnifico! These would be-a perfect for rolling my gnocchi! You’re hired! Now wash-a you hands and put on dis-a hairnet. |
A Family Man Pt. 3[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
Here you are, Mr. Fat Tony. Our finest dish just-a for you. It’s on da house. |
|
Luigi, these gnocchi are rolled perfectly. I must give my compliments to the chef, personally. |
|
|
Of-a course. Right-a this way. This is Milhouse, he’s-a handling all of da gnocchi. |
|
I was here to pay my respects, but now that I see who’s been rolling my gnocchi…get him, boys! |
|
Oh, boy, not-a dis again. |
End[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
But I made the sign of the cross between each gnocchi! |
|
|
Shut up, kid. The gnocchi was perfect. Plump, tender, melt-in-your-mouth perfect... |
|
|
But I’d recognize the nephew of Dante Calabresi Jr. anywhere. So now, it’s time to make the sign of the cross for a different reason. |
|
Wait, didn’t Michael poison Dante Jr.? |
|
Yeah, but he’s talking about his nephew. Besides, I saw him at Tony and Selma’s wedding. |
|
|
Guys, is this really the time to discuss show canon? I’m about to settle a blood feud. *cocks gun* |
|
Ah, I just can’t do it. It would be a shame to waste such a magnificent chef. Tell ya what, why don’t you come work for me instead of me killing you. |
|
|
Well…if you insist. |
A Family Man Pt. 4[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
This is my son, Michael. You two will work out of my D’Amico Summer Home for now. |
|
Pleasure to meet you. My father tells me you’re quite the chef. |
|
Maybe if you can teach me your secrets, he’ll one day respect me as a man. If not, I can just poison him. You know what I mean? |
|
|
I guess. Look, I just want to roll gnocchi so I can pay for a Swiss Army Knife. |
|
|
The new Ultra XX Hunter Signature Premium model? |
|
|
You’ve heard of it? |
|
|
Ah, yes. We Italians generally avoid the Swiss. All that neutrality makes us crazy... |
|
|
But we make an exception for their cheese, chocolate, cuckoo clocks, lax banking laws, and, of course, their army knives. |
|
|
That’s a lot of exceptions. |
End[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
And there we are. One thousand gnocchi! |
|
|
Most excellent. Well done, boys. Michael, run along now, I need to settle my affairs with our newest member of the family. |
|
|
I understand that you are looking for a particular implement of the stabbing variety. Is this to your liking? |
|
|
An Ultra XX Hunter Signature Premium model Swiss Army Knife? Oh, this is perfect, thank you so much! |
|
|
Don’t mention it. If you’re going to be working for me, naturally, I want you to feel protected. |
|
|
I know exactly what you mean. The GPS tracker on this thing will immediately alert my mom whenever I get lost at the mall. |
A Family Man Pt. 5[]
Start[]
| Character | Dialogue |
|---|---|
|
|
Tony, can I ask you a question? |
|
It fell off a truck, okay? |
|
|
Do you always pay people in Swiss Army Knives? |
|
|
Usually, yes. They’re very practical. Lots of useful tools in there. |
|
I’ve got a hundred and seventy-two of them! I can’t pay my rent, but I gotta hand it to those Swiss. What with the cheese and the chocolate and the cuckoo clocks— |
|
|
Right… |
|
|
By the way, what did you want all the gnocchi for? Nobody could eat that many. |
|
|
What? You think bodies just weigh themselves down? |
End[]
No dialogue.
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