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Failure to Launch is the main questline of the 4th July 2014 Event.

Quests[]

Quest Requirements Time Triggered by
Failure to Launch Pt. 1 Build Giuseppe's Workshop 24h Logging in
Failure to Launch Pt. 2 Build Springfield Elementary
Make Lisa Read Outdated Chemistry Books
Make Giuseppe Stock Up on 'Fertilizer'
4h Homer
Failure to Launch Pt. 3 Make Giuseppe Invent a New Firework
Make Lisa Mix Dangerous Chemicals
12h Lisa
Failure to Launch Pt. 4 Make Giuseppe Host a Fireworks Support Rally
Make Republicans Attend the Fireworks Support Rally (x5)
2h Giuseppe
Failure to Launch Pt. 5 Make Giuseppe Search for Stolen Fireworks
Make Homer Search for Stolen Fireworks
24h Lisa
Failure to Launch Pt. 6 Build Control Building
Make Homer "Safely" do his Job
16h Homer
Failure to Launch Pt. 7 Make Giuseppe Confront Mr. Burns
Make Homer Butt into Giuseppe's Business
6h Lisa
Failure to Launch Pt. 8 Make Giuseppe Show-Off a New Invention 60m Giuseppe

Dialogue[]

Failure to Launch Pt. 1[]

Character Dialogue
Homer Happy Icon "Apu, $100 worth of your most illegal poorly-made fireworks, please!"
Apu Sad Icon "With federal agent Rex Banner snooping around town, I can no longer play the fireworks game."
Apu Icon "This Independence Day, the only laws I plan on breaking relate to food safety and price gouging."
Homer Serious Icon "The government can't take away our fireworks just because they're illegal!"
Homer Serious Icon "Last time I checked, a little document called the U.S. Constitution guaranteed us the right to break any law we want, whenever we feel like it."
Apu Angry Icon "It most explicitly does not."
Homer Serious Icon "Exactly! If we can't buy fireworks, then we'll just have to make them ourselves"

Failure to Launch Pt. 2[]

Character Dialogue
Homer Happy Icon "Guiseppe Granfinali, it's your lucky day. Most characters as minor as you never get to see Springfield again."
Homer Thoughtful Icon "Although that's less and less true all the time."
Homer Icon "Anyway, we want you to build the most ear-rattling, eyeball-bludgeoning, nose-somehow-obliterating fireworks ever made."
Lisa Icon "Would it help to have an extra set of hands? I got an “A” in second grade chemistry this year."
Giuseppe Sad Icon "Chemistry? What-a the hell-a is that?"
Lisa Deadpan Icon "Wait... you make your living playing with gunpowder all your life, and you have no idea what it's made of?"
Giuseppe Icon "Ground-up demon, I always assume."
Giuseppe Icon "Okay, find me some-a books on this "chemistry". Real old and out-of-date, like-a me."
Lisa Happy Icon "Finally, a need only a second-rate public school library can fulfill!"
Skinner Icon "Sixth-rate, actually. We just got our certification as a sixth-rate facility yesterday. We're very proud."

Failure to Launch Pt. 3[]

Character Dialogue
Lisa Deadpan Icon "Mr. Granfinali, are we going to start making the fireworks anytime soon?"
Giuseppe Sad Icon "What does it LOOK-a like I'm-a doing?!"
Lisa Embarrassed Icon "Sitting in a rocking chair having an animated argument with no one at all."
Giuseppe Sad Icon "That's-a how I create my fireworks! I talk it-a over with the ghosts of all-a my brothers."
Giuseppe Sad Icon "Once there were-a fifteen Granfinali boys. Now, only Giuseppe. All the others, gone. Blown up to God."
Lisa Worried Icon "Are you sure you want to solicit advice from ghosts that died in fireworks accidents?"
Giuseppe Sad Icon "They tell-a Giuseppe what NOT to do. That is, when they are not screaming."
Giuseppe Sad Icon "Apparently, getting-a blown up hurts bad, even after you're dead."
Lisa Worried Icon "Very comforting."

Failure to Launch Pt. 4[]

Start[]

Character Dialogue
Giuseppe Sad Icon "Mama Mia! I just-a got an inspection-a notice from Town Hall."
Giuseppe Sad Icon "When they find-a the ‘works, they gonna take-a them away!"
Homer Serious Icon "This time the government has gone too far."
Homer Serious Icon "If I can bring a loaded AR-15 into a nursery school -- and thanks to the patriotism of dedicated nutcases, I can -- why can't I build explosives for pleasure?"
Giuseppe Icon "To be fair, fireworks and firearms... they are not-a the same."
Homer Serious Icon "Well, they can both kill people. And THAT means I should be able to do whatever I want with them."
Homer Serious Icon "I'll send out word that the government is trying to stop an honest citizen from playing with gunpowder."
Homer Angry Icon "You watch what happens."
Giuseppe Sad Icon "Oh boy..."

End[]

Character Dialogue
Giuseppe Sad Icon "The fireworks... they are-a gone!"
Lisa Worried Icon "What's happened?!"
Giuseppe Sad Icon "While we were demonstrating, somebody broke in and stole-a them."
Giuseppe Sad Icon "All our precious explode-o's, blammers, and fizzle-booms... gone!"

Failure to Launch Pt. 5[]

Character Dialogue
Lisa Deadpan Icon "Who would steal fireworks? Think, Lisa!"
Giuseppe Icon "Fear not. My family has an ancient, secret method for recovering lost fireworks."
Giuseppe Icon "You see, the firework, she wants to be with others of her kind."
Lisa Deadpan Icon "Uh... that seems unlikely. But go on..."
Giuseppe Icon "We use the little firecracker to find-a the big firework."
Giuseppe Icon "Take-a the firecracker. Light-a the firecracker. Throw-a the firecracker."
Lisa Deadpan Icon "Okay..."
Giuseppe Icon "If you hear a super-big KA-BOOM!, you have found-a the missing fireworks. If not, move on and-a try again."
Lisa Deadpan Icon "And you say this is an ancient family technique?"
Giuseppe Sad Icon "My sisters were the fireworks finders in the family. But they are all dead now."
Lisa Deadpan Icon "Let me guess -- blown up by fireworks?"
Giuseppe Sad Icon "Yes. What are the odds?"
Homer Serious Icon "I've got my firework finding gear. Let's go!"

Failure to Launch Pt. 6[]

Start[]

Character Dialogue
Homer Sad Icon "The heck with it. If we don't have explosions and the real possibility of accidental death, the Fourth is ruined."
Homer Sad Icon "I'm just going to go to work."
Lisa Icon "Cheer up, Dad. There are a few cans of lighter fluid in the garage."
Lisa Icon "We could light those on fire and see what happens!"
Lisa Happy Icon "That'll make for a great America's Birthday!"
Homer Sad Icon "Nah. America stinks. We had a good run, but it's over. It's Ceylon's turn now."
Lisa Deadpan Icon "I hate to see you so down. Tell you what -- start a trash-can fire at work."
Lisa Icon "Maybe it'll cause a runaway inferno, and you can salvage what's left of Independence Day."
Homer Icon "Thanks, sweetie. Yeah, work is usually good for an explosion or two."
Homer Sarcastic Icon "Thank God I'm such a lousy safety inspector."


End[]

Character Dialogue
Homer Woohoo Icon "Woo-hoo! Work was great!"
Homer Happy Icon "Mr. Burns let me have a whole box of donuts if I promised not to tell anyone that he's been using stolen fireworks for fuel."
Lisa Shocked Icon !!!
Homer Sarcastic Icon "I know. It's ridiculous, right? A whole box of donuts just for me..."
Oh fine, here's a couple of donuts for you too, but don't you DARE tell anyone, or we'll take them back.
 
— In Game Message


Failure to Launch Pt. 7[]

Start[]

Character Dialogue
Lisa Angry Icon "So! The man behind these mysterious thefts is none other than Mr. Burns!"
Lisa Angry Icon "The very SAME Mr. Burns who is, without fail, behind absolutely every nefarious act in this town!"
Homer Thoughtful Icon "Tell me about it. The whole time I'm thinking, “It's probably Mr. Burns, but we're not really doing THAT story again, are we?"
Homer Thoughtful Icon "And THEN I thought: “Well, if it DOES turn out to be Mr. Burns, for sure don't point out how it's ALWAYS Mr. Burns, because that just makes it seem EVEN WORSE."
Homer Thoughtful Icon "But then YOU pointed it out, so I pointed it out, and now it's all anyone can think about."
Homer Thoughtful Icon "Which is unfortunate."
Giuseppe Sad Icon "Well, if-a Mr. Burns is the bad guy, then I'm-a gonna have words with him right now!"
Homer Dreamy Icon "Ooh -- I love when Italians get mad. They can say a thousand swears with their hands alone!"
Homer Happy Icon "Watch and learn, Lis!"

End[]

Character Dialogue
Giuseppe Sad Icon "Give-a me back my fireworks, evil skeleton!"
Mr. Burns Angry Icon "And have them turned into a weapon against me? No, I'm not keen to see rockets exploding on my front porch."
Homer Icon "We don't want to shoot them at you, silly!"
Homer Serious Icon "It's the sky we want to blow up. And the sky's no-good friend: clouds."
Mr. Burns Icon "I'm not talking about you."
Mr. Burns Icon "I simply can't afford to have these fine explodables end up in the hands of my family's mortal enemies."
Cletus Smiling Icon "Hi, Homer! Hi, Lisa! Hi, Italian person!"
Cletus Angry Icon "And hello to you, Burnsy. Or should I call you... Dead Man?"
Mr. Burns Happy Icon "Yes, everyone, it's true. The Spuckler clan and the Burns clan are a-feudin' agin."
Mr. Burns Icon "The Burnses have fought the Spucklers down through the generations."
Mr. Burns Icon "At times the feud merely simmers. But it always flares anew at the slightest provocation."
Homer Surprised Icon "Mr. Burns! I didn't realize you came from hillbilly stock."
Mr. Burns Happy Icon "Oh, I don't."
Mr. Burns Icon "A mere three generations ago, the Spucklers were our rivals in Philadelphia high society."
Mr. Burns Icon "They were one of the richest, most erudite families in America."
Cletus Smiling Icon "Ay-yup."
Cletus Icon "Then my grand pappy lost his railroad, and pretty soon we's eatin' shoe leather and possum, and findin' we likes the taste!"
Mr. Burns Icon "Our family fortunes may have diverged, but our hands are so steeped in Spuckler blood, and their hands in ours, that we will never truly live in peace."
Cletus Smiling Icon "Sad but true. Well, I'm off. Kill ya later, Burns!"
Mr. Burns Happy Icon "Kill you later, Cletus! Tell Brandine I'll kill her later, too!"
Cletus Smiling Icon "Will do!"

Failure to Launch Pt. 8[]

Character Dialogue
Giuseppe Icon "Well, all is not-a lost. I have a special surprise for you, Lisa."
Lisa Shocked Icon "You don't mean..."
Giuseppe Icon "Yes! We are ready to show-a off our new firework!"
Lisa Happy Icon "This is so exciting!"
Giuseppe Icon "You're-a telling me! I've never fired spent-a nuclear fuel rods into the atmosphere before!"
Lisa Worried Icon "I wish I didn't know that's what was happening."
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