Executive Lackey is a quest chain which is unlocked once the player reaches Level 25 and has completed all the Hospital Quests. There are 8 quests in total, and they are all named 'Executive Lackey' with Pt.1 - Pt.8 at the end. A list of all of the individual quests can be found below:
"Bah! I shouldn't keep being assigned menial tasks. I should be the one assigning them!" "Where are the people to overuse my plant's energy? Where are the lawyers to cheat on my taxes?" "Where are the Jehovah's Witnesses to feed to my hounds?"
"Yikes, a sad old man! I wish there was some other character I could unlock to take care of this instead of me." "Anything I can help with, Sir?"
"What's this? Did one of those Thanksgiving parade balloons come to life?"
"No, Sir, I'm your average overweight-sized employee, Homer Simpson."
"Employee, eh? Then get back to work at the plant, you donut-stuffed, four-toed sloth!"
Executive Lackey Pt. 2
"What? You've returned unscathed?" "I had hoped you would lay waste to this infernal town once more and release me from this cholesterol-clogged prison."
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but why don't you join me at Moe's, Mr. Burns?" "I find nothing picks up your spirits better than getting blackout drunk."
"Socialize with you? Why I'd rather join Obama's drum circle." "Which reminds me, I need a place to hide from the coming class war. I know what would be inconspicuous. A giant, fancy house!"
"Smithers! Don't think I'm paying you for the time you missed. They're called sick days, not explosion trauma recovery days."
"I'm sorry, sir. All this time I have been, ahem, trapped in the closet."
"You mean you've been unable to escape my actual wardrobe after the explosion sealed you in there while organizing my sock garters?"
"That is exactly what I meant."
Executive Lackey Pt. 3
Sir, we should make sure the plant is up to code... in case nuclear inspectors become premium characters."
"Bah. All the plant neeeds is a good dusting. Employ a cleaning lady immediately.
"Er, Mr. Burns, some might consider the term 'cleaning lady' to be sexist."
"Sexist? Me? It's not as if I said 'cleaning wench,' as I had wanted to and said in my head."
"Besides, everyone knows I'm a fierce supporter of a woman's right to clean."
"No worries, sir. People are so desperate for work, I'm sure my inbox is already flooded with applications."
"Now to go about whistling the 'Sorting & Judging' song."
Executive Lackey Pt. 4
"Smithers, there you are. I finally tracked down that rare '87 Malibu Stacey where they designed her head upside-down."
"I assume you still want this priceless, freakish collectible."
"Absolutely! It'll complete my set of misshapen dolls along with Torso Face Stacey and Anatomically Correct Tad."
"Excuse me, while I rub this news in other people's faces, and then do my gloating dance."
Executive Lackey Pt. 5
"Smithers, now that I have you back and everything is running smoothly. I realize I don't need you."
"Sir, please -- you just saw my hobbies. I'll go insane if that's all I do."
"Now, now, Smithers. Remember, you've already fixed the trap door."
Executive Lackey Pt. 6
"We've been getting reports of someone using the Blue Houses as urinals. Save that behavior for the Brown Houses."
"Why was I plucked from oblivion just to be rejected? Only a team of monsters could design this cruel fate!"
"Well, I don't really need to use my taser, but I just got the latest model. I've been dying to try it out."
Executive Lackey Pt. 7
"Ah, Smithers. You smell like Yale fraternity pledge. You're still going to have to repay me for your bail. At 36% rate of interest."
"Even though you disgust me. I find myself in need of your services."
"I seem to have forgotten how to deal with this damnable contraption called 'laces.'"
"Mr Burns, as prominent citizen and donor, I would like to offer you aid."
"Have your Smithers call this number, and these folks will get him back on track."
"They've been great at curing and covering up the many repeated escapades of my, er-um, nephew."
Executive Lackey Pt. 8
"Sir, may I express my warmest gratitude to be back in your soothing company --"
"Bah! I have no time for your obsequious rambling. Now is the time for my daily exercise."
"Can't keep looking so pretty without putting in a little work."
"Very good, sir. I'll get right on it."
"Excellent! After you've built-up your vigor. I'll use that gypsy curse to steal it into my body."