Ladies and gentleflavens, mark this day on your calendar! For today begins a glorious new age of scientific discovery!
Sorry, I already marked today as Taco Tuesday. And I wrote it in pen.
Sir, I don't actually care about your salsa-stained calendar. I was trying to sound dramatic.
Try harder.
Very well. Behold my latest invention... drum roll please... with the drumming and the rolling... the PolyVac!
Neat! What is it, some kind of super-computer-controlled particle detector for studying black holes?
Actually, little girl, it's a super-computer-controlled, uh... yes, exactly. What she said.
Dark Matters Pt. 2[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
Now, all we need to study a black hole is a, uh, black hole to study.
Black holes suck!
Bart! Watch your language, unless you meant that as a scientific observation.
Rest assured, madam, I did not.
The potty-mouthed lad is correct. Black holes absorb, or colloquially, "suck," everything within their event horizon.
Dammit! I hate accidentally making scientific observations.
Professor, is it safe to have a black hole within just a few squares of our schools and peanut carts?
Relax, Marge, he's a scientist! He wouldn't ask us to do anything dangerous.
Quite right, Homer. Now grab a mouthful of that plutonium over there and spit it into this boiling acid to initiate the black hole implosion.
I'm way ahead of you!
End[]
Character
Dialogue
Now, using the PolyVac, I will prove once and for all that nothing can escape the black hole!
But didn't the great physicist Stephen Hawking theorize that black holes emit particles known as Hawking radiation?
Hawking Shmawking! I'm sick of that know-it-all with his fancy awards and his show-off chair. There's no such thing as Hawking Radiation.
That's not what I heard.
Who said that, in a strangely familiar computerized voice?
Dark Matters Pt. 3[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
Great Caesar's Gloiven, it's Stephen Hawking! B-but how did you get here?
The Hawking Radiation condensed into a physical manifestation of Hawking himself!
Thereby conclusively proving the existence of my namesake radiation. Now I'm sure to win the Nobel Prize, and maybe the even more prestigious Hawking Medal.
I've never even won the Frink Medal.
I surmise black holes are actually terminal endpoints of wormholes leading to parallel universes. We'll need someone brave and expendable to test my theory.
Not me, buddy! I'm sick of doing tasks. How come Moleman never has to do anything?
Yes, pick me, please, I'm begging you.
This sounds like a job for Homer Simpson.
Grrr. Okay. But I swear, crawling into this singularity is the last task I'll ever do!
Probably. Now wriggle on in there.
Sheesh, this wormhole is kind of tight... can you let out the event horizon a little?
I said wriggle!
End[]
Character
Dialogue
I hope you're happy, Hawking. I proved your theory correct. I made it through the wormhole and lived three lifetimes in another dimension.
And all you missed was Taco Tuesday.
This is the worst day of my lives!
Fake Dark Matters Pt. 4 #1[]
Character
Dialogue
The multiverse is ripe for exploration!
So much work to do! Homer, imagine all the work you've ever done, then multiply it by infinity.
Zero times infinity? How much is that?
About 37. Get busy!
Fake Dark Matters Pt. 4 #2[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
Forget it, Egghead! No more tasks for me!
From now on, whenever anyone sends me on a task, I'm going to refuse!
End[]
Character
Dialogue
No! I refuse! Heh heh.
Dark Matters Pt. 4[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
D'oh!
I've gotta get more clever here. To be truly lazy, I'll need to assemble an all-star team of super-dupes to take over my workload.
End[]
Character
Dialogue
I'm back. Or should I say, WE'RE back! Meet the alternate universe all-stars!
Hello.
Charmed.
What up, Ho-bro.
*CHEWING AND BELCHING SOUNDS*
Glargggh!
Wow, two of them couldn't speak at all. Yet they still seemed slightly smarter than Dad.
Dark Matters Pt. 5[]
Character
Dialogue
Look, there's something else coming through the space sphincter! A real live robot!
I AM ROBOT NUMBER 1.
Here comes another!
I AM ROBOT NUMBER 2.
I wonder what the next guy's name will be.
I AM ROBOT NUMBER 4. BUT YOU CAN CALL ME ROBOT NUMBER 3.
There comes another... and another!
That makes five.
Quit showing off, Hawking.
A veritable army of robots from a parallel universe. What could go wrong?
...I said in the most sarcastic way imaginable.
...Which is how I say everything, so I can understand if there was some measure of confusion regarding--
ROBOTS... ATTACK!!!!!!!
Swish.
I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords.
Fight back! Every able-bodied man, woman, and child!
That's everyone but you!
Less talking, more fighting.
Alternate Homers[]
Character
Dialogue
This is awesome! A small army of Homers, and I'm the average guy. Which makes me the best!
You're the best at nothing! Me? I can overeat better than anyone here, and check out my excellent figure.
In my universe, I'm Mr. Universe!
Me pillage good!
It's all cool, homies. I like my music and my universes to be alternative.
I suppose I'm the prankster of the group. Always up for a round of good-natured criminality.
Welcome to my universe, fellas! Sorry if it's a little cheap looking. My Sky Finger is kinda tight with the donuts.
Oh, don’t sell yourself short! This universe may be a bit shabby, but it's far superior to mine.
My Sky Finger only made it to level two before devoting his life to Candy Crush Saga!
I don't even have my own Marge! I have nothing but a fence post and a pathetic 1x1 square of flowers!
But this universe is a veritable cornucopia of riches, ripe for the plucking… mwahahaha!
Dark Matters Pt. 6[]
Character
Dialogue
My Homers versus your robots!
They're not my robots.
Help! I'm being beaten to a king-sized pulp!
It's no use! There's dozens more robots pouring out of the wormhole!
Tapping isn't working, and it's our only interface!
I have an idea!
I have a better idea. Fire up the PolyVac!
SciFighter First Win Dialogue[]
Character
Dialogue
We did it! We destroyed the robots!
What else can we blow up? Grampa's dentures? Martin's underwear?
Haw-Haw! I was able to visualize that.
I'd like to blow up all those things and more. But unfortunately, the PolyVac has a four-hour cooldown time.
According to the, uh, laws of science and what have you, most things take four hours.
SciFighter First Loss Dialogue[]
Character
Dialogue
Crud, the robots defeated us. This could be the end of the human race!
Haw-Haw!
And I direct that partially at myself. I can dish it out, but I can also take it.
Relax. We'll be fine. The PolyVac should regenerate in four hours.
According to the, uh, laws of science and what have you, most things take four hours.
Dark Matters Pt. 7[]
Character
Dialogue
Professor Hawking, can't we stop the robot invasion by just closing the wormhole?
Easier said than done. I recruited a local expert on String Theory to advise us, but her analysis is somewhat difficult to follow.
BALLSOFSTRING! BALLSOFSTRING!
For now, our only hope of survival is to place a highly skilled nuclear engineer in control of the PolyVac. Homer, can we count on you?
I'm your man! I'm really good at pressing buttons! Unless they're close together. Or far apart.
Oh, God. You're relying on Homer Simpson to keep us alive? I'm the only competent engineer in this entire town!