Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck

Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck was a limited-time questline released on December 26, 2018. It was the main questline of Act 4 of the A Simpsons Christmas Special 2018 Event, progressing through it unlocked all of the event's personal prizes.

Quests Edit

Quest	Requirements	Time	Reward	Triggered By
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 1	Make Marge Triple-Check the Oven is Turned Off Make Maggie Draw a Picture for Santa Collect Cookies (x100)	4h 4h -	100 10	Auto
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 2	Make Marge Have a Mundane Christmas Wish Make Maggie Draw a Picture of Her Christmas Wish Collect Cookies (x350)	4h 4h -	100 10	Auto
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 3	Build Pile of Presents (x3) Make Marge Look for Santa Make Maggie Resent Gerald Collect Cookies (x350)	- 8h 8h -	100 10	Auto
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 4	Make Marge Look for Baby Gerald Make Maggie Help Look for Baby Gerald Collect Cookies (x350)	4h 4h -	100 10	Auto
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 5	Make Maggie Have a Baby Dance Battle Make Gerald Have a Baby Dance Battle Make Marge Watch a Baby Dance Battle Collect Cookies (x350)	8h 8h 8h -	100 10	Auto
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 6	Make Marge Drive the Greyhound Sleigh Make Santa's Little Helper Lead the Greyhound Sleigh	12h 12h	200 20	Auto

Dialogue Edit

Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 1 Edit

Start Edit

Character	Dialogue
	Okay, so there was this really cool baby who liked playing with toy trains.
	*suck suck*
	Sorry, not “toy” trains -- real ones. In fact, she had just booked a ticket on the best train of all -- the North Pole Express!
	Maggie, are you excited to go visit Santa Claus?
	*suck suck*
	Ooh, good idea! I’ll bake fresh cookies to give to Santa.
	*suck suck*
	Yes. I’ll be sure to make CHRISTMAS cookies. Obviously.
	*suck suck*
	Look, I know you’re nervous to meet Father Christmas. But you’re one year old. Get a grip.

End Edit

Character	Dialogue
	*suck suck*
	You're right Maggie! Santa's train is here to pick us up.
	All aboard the Santa Express! Next stop, the South Pole!
	*suck suck*
	Oh, right. Let me turn this thing around...

Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 2 Edit

Start Edit

Character	Dialogue
	So Otto, how long have you been the conductor of the Santa Express?
	Oh, ever since they invented magic trains that run on Christmas wishes.
	Which was in, like, 2011. Elon Musk has trouble focusing on one project at a time.
x100px	*clunk* Whoops! The magic boiler needs more fuel. Do me a solid and tell it some of your Christmas wishes.
	*suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck*
	I don’t think the boiler speaks pacifier. I’m gonna need a translation, lady.

All Objectives Started Edit

Character	Dialogue
	*suck suck*
	Maggie says she’d like a new pacifier for Christmas.
	That’s depressingly practical, kid. Come on, think big. Seriously, or we’ll freeze to death out here.
	*suck suck*
	How about: “Christmas every day of the year and infinity presents”?
	Whoa! That did the trick! Yeah, we love when a kid asks for the impossible.
	“Always leave ‘em a little disappointed”, Santa says. He’s one sick puppy, Kris Kringle.

End Edit

Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 3 Edit

Start Edit

Character	Dialogue
	North Pole! Everybody get out!
x100px	Otto! Remember that baby you brought on your last run? Gerald? One big, weird eyebrow?
	*suck suck*
x100px	He stole Santa’s sleigh, with all the presents!
x100px	Jolly Old Saint Nick freaked, crawled into a bowl of ‘nog, and ran off crying into the snow!
	In this cold, it’s probably best to just accept that he’s dead. Well, Christmas was fun while it lasted, gang!
	*suck suck*
	Maggie says we can’t give up! So what if Santa gets hypothermia and loses a few fingers and toes...?
	*suck suck*
	...and, yes, probably his nose, too. We can still save him!

End Edit

Character	Dialogue
	Over here! I think we found him!
x100px	More ‘nog. Just want eggy oblivion...
	Don’t give up, Santa! The world loves you!
	*notices Marge, instantly sobers* Whoa! Happy Christmas, gorgeous. We don’t see many naughty girls up here.
	*suck suck*
	She doesn’t like that you’re hitting on her mother, Sir.
	Hey, what Mrs. Claus don’t know won’t kill her. Aw, crap! Cheese it, she’s here!
	Santa, there you are!

Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 4 Edit

Start Edit

Character	Dialogue
	Mom? Dad? How come in both your stories, you’re with other people?
	I guess that IS pretty dark for a Christmas update. Best not to think about it.
	Probably means nothing. Or, something huge. No way to know, really. Anyhoo...
	Come on, Santa. Let’s get you back home.
	What about the stolen presents, Santa? Don’t you want your sleigh back?
x100px	Just let the big guy sleep it off. We can push Christmas a few days, right?
x100px	I think Canada celebrates Christmas on February 6th or something. We’ll do it then.
	*suck suck*
	You’re right, Maggie. I won’t let America get dragged down to Canada’s level, either. Let’s save American Christmas!

End Edit

Character	Dialogue
	Look Maggie, up ahead there's a creepy castle made of toys. That could be Baby Gerald’s evil lair.
	*suck suck*
	Geez, I don’t think we have to get quite THAT violent with him. Take it easy, kiddo.

Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 5 Edit

Start Edit

Character	Dialogue
	Gerald! The jig is up! Fork over the sleigh and no one gets hurt!
	*ominous glare*
	Easy, Gerald. It’s not too late to get back on the Nice List. Just put down the toy gun and let’s talk.
	*ominous glare*
	*suck suck*
	*ominous glare*
	*suck suck*
	I was praying it wouldn’t come to this...
	BABY DANCE BATTLE!

End Edit

Character	Dialogue
	*exhausted glare*
	*suck suck*
	Okay, seriously, who won? I mean, you both just danced like babies for a while. It’s hard to tell.
	*cries*
	Way to go, Maggie!
	Into the sleigh, Bad Baby Gerald! We’re sending you home!

Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 6 Edit

Start Edit

Character	Dialogue
	I always thought it was reindeer that pulled Santa’s sleigh, but these greyhounds are pretty cute.
	*suck suck*
	Yes, it certainly was sweet of you to work Santa’s Little Helper into the story.
	That’s great fan service, Maggie!

End Edit

Character	Dialogue
	Your sleigh’s all packed and ready to go, Santa!
x100px	Not in my current condition. I could run over some kid, and the laws against drunk sleighing are WAY draconian now.
x100px	You must deliver the presents, Marge. And when you get back, why not stay a while?
	What about Mrs. Claus?
	She went out for candy canes and hasn’t come back. I think she met another immortal fatso.
	Oh, you poor man!
x100px	So what do you say? I could make you very jolly...
	*girlish giggle*