"You know, Dad. Valentine’s Day is coming up. Perhaps this year you could do something romantic for Mom."
"What are you talking about? My Valentine’s gifts are always romantic."
"There’s nothing romantic about sweatpants with the word “Juicy” on the butt."
"It’s sexy! Tons of off-duty starlets wear them."
"Not with “Juicy” written in marker pen."
"But women like handmade gifts!"
"No, that’s just something we say."
"Fine, I’ll stop by Cletus’s farm and get her some roses."
"*gasp* "You’re buying from a local farmer? My browbeating paid off!"
"Just when I thought I was coming off as strident, you’ve encouraged me to hector more than ever."
"Yippee."
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"Okay, I got roses. Valentine’s gift…done!"
"Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Roses are just an accompaniment. They’re like a side dish."
"You still need to get something big, like jewelry or a weekend get-away, as the entree."
"Great, now I have to go shopping. And dining. Your analogy made me hungry."
Cards are Read, Marge’s Hair is Blue Pt. 2[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"Hey hey. It’s Valentine’s Day! Your change to tell that special someone in your life..." "...and all the unknown weirdos you friended to get your numbers up..." "...that you acknowledge their existence – in order to get free stuff on a phone game!" "And here’s something totally new – The “Wheel of Friendship!"
"Wait, isn’t that the same wheel you put out for Christmas?"
"No, that wheel was totally rigged. This one is only a little bit rigged. Also, it’s pink!"
"Just like the thousands of donuts I intend to burn through buying spins for it."
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"Great spinning! You are one step closer to getting the Tunnel of Love ride in Krustyland."
"I usually don’t like theme parks because they’re loud and their rides are whiplashy, but I might actually go to Krustyland if it had a Tunnel of Love!"
"And isn’t that what we’re all looking for? The female demographic! Get to work! Get that Tunnel of Love! Get chicks to come to Krustyland!"
Where's the Love?[]
Character
Dialogue
"Hey, I actually like this spinning thing. I'm going to do it again."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wheels don't just spin themselves you know!"
"M M-hey! Actually, due to centripetal force-"
"Whoa, who's interrupting me? You gotta be B-list or above to interrupt me!"
"And if you want to spin the wheel, you gotta cough up some Hearts."
"How do we get Hearts?"
"Last year we earned Hearts by exchanging Valentine's with our friends. I can't wait to see what new and exciting way we earn Hearts this year!"
“
Earn Hearts by exchanging Valentine's with your friends.
”
— In Game Message
Cards are Read, Marge’s Hair is Blue Pt. 3[]
Character
Dialogue
"C'mon, stupid friends! Give me Valentines! Show me how much you love me, your stupid, stupid jerks!"
"Well hi-diddely ho, Homer-eeno. I'd be glad to show you just how much your friendship means to me!"
"Stupid Flanders. Shut up and hand over the Valentines!"
"I'll do you even better than a Valentine."
"No! NO! I don't want better! Noooooo!"
A rose is a Rose is a Rose[]
Character
Dialogue
"Did you know that each Rose Bush you plant lowers carbon in the atmosphere by 0.000000000001%? Also, they look pretty!"
“
You can keep planting roses at Cletus's farm for extra Hearts and Rose Bush decorations. In fact, you have to!
”
— In Game Message
Cards are Read, Marge’s Hair is Blue Pt. 4[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"Hey Lisa, I thought of an amazing Valentine present for your mom - dinner at a restaurant she's never been to."
"Hmm, that's nice... but I wouldn't call it "amazing.""
"And I'm going to build that restaurant from scratch in twenty four hours."
"Okay, that is pretty amazing."
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"Hello there! I'd like to book a romantic dinner for Valentine's Day."
"I regret we are fully booked for Valentine's Day."
"What?!"
"It's a fancy way of saying, "You Not Eat Here."
"But I just built this place! How can you be fully booked?!"
"Yes, Sir, I agree it is unlikely. It almost seems like I'm just saying that because we don't serve your kind."
"What?!"
"Your Kind": loutish, impolite, cheap-os." "Thank you so much for leaving now."
Return to Sender[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"This Valentine's I'm going to win Lisa over by combining my two best moves: following and staring."
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"Ew, goo-goo eyes and kissy lips. You know why some salmon never get to spawn? They make that face.
Cards are Read, Marge’s Hair is Blue Pt. 5[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"Stupid restaurant! I think they were still mad about the stuff I tracked in that we thought was dog poop but turned out to be much, much worse."
"Homer, stop telling the “I couldn’t get a reservation story” already."
"Yeah, usually, we like inane chatter but that, like, criminally inane."
"Hi, Homer! It’s me, Mindy! I’m working here again. It’s great to see you."
"Blerf…"
"Um, okay. Guess I’ll see you around. Bye!"
"Blerf!"
"Hey, Homer, isn't she the woman to whom you had an unnaturally strong physical attraction?"
"The only woman who made you question your love for Marge?"
"Blerf blerf. Blerf be-blerf blerf, blerf."
"Oopsie, looks like she short-circuited his brain, should we do something?"
"Nah, he’ll tell the restaurant story again. Just push him over to his console, he’ll be fine."
Job started[]
Character
Dialogue
"Oh hi, Homer! Imagine meeting you here. Small world, huh?"
"Even smaller elevator."
"Hmm, now that your face is inches away from mine I can see you look sad. What’s wrong?"
"I’m trying to do something nice for Marge for Valentine’s Day and well, it’s frustrating."
"So, you’re still married?"
"Pretty much, yeah."
"Well, I've got an idea that will solve all your problems."
Cards are Read, Marge’s Hair is Blue Pt. 6[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"So, Homer did you think about what we talked about?"
"I don't know... I'm not really that kind of guy."
"That's what makes it so perfect! Marge will never suspect!"
"Look, just think about it. While you do, I'll ride my motorcycle all around town."
" "groan" Are you gonna look cool while you do it?"
"Probably."
" "groan" "
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"Okay Mindy. I've thought it over. I'm in!"
"Woo hoo!"
Cards are Read, Marge’s Hair is Blue Pt. 7[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"Okay, I can't believe we're actually gonna do this. I'll go pick up some champagne."
"And I'll scope out a secluded spot on the beach. It'll give me a chance to work on my tan."
Middle-Homer[]
Character
Dialogue
"Apu, give me a bottle of your finest convenience store champagne!"
"Certainly, I will go in the back and make you a fresh bottle while you wait."
"Oooo! Custom Champagne!"
"I'll just grab this box of wine and these fizzy cold medicine tablets and be right back."
Middle-Mindy[]
Character
Dialogue
"I guess you could have a picnic on this beach. if you have a blanket thick enough to protect you from hypodermic needles. And wild dogs."
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"Apu's champagne tastes terrible. Though it did relieve my sneezing, coughing, stuffy head, and fever."
"The beach was a bust too. There's a huge bum fight going on. I think it's some kind of championship."
"Maybe it just wasn't meant to be."
"Oh, you know I'm not going to accept that."
Cards are Read, Marge’s Hair is Blue Pt. 8[]
Character
Dialogue
"Dad, where are you going? Why are you all dressed up?"
"I'm heading to Madame Chao's with Mindy."
"Shouldn't you be planning a Valentine's surprise for Mom instead of eating a romantic lunch with this co-worker woman?"
"Lisa, don't you think I can do two things at once? It's called two-timing and I happen to be great at it."
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"Isn't everything delicious? By the way, Homer, you smell great!"
"I tried something new - a shower. I hope that doesn't tip Marge off!"
"Look at him showered, eating with utensils, cheating on Mom. What's happening to Dad?"
Cards are Read, Marge’s Hair is Blue Pt. 9[]
Character
Dialogue
"Tonight is the night. Are you ready to do it?"
"I don't know what you're waiting for, big guy! Let's do it right now!"
"Oh my God! Right here? Now, while I'm spying on them? I can feel the psychological scars forming!"
"Okay, step one: Get that wife of yours out of the house."
"Perfect! You know, you're pretty romantic when you want to be."
"What the heck?!"
Cards are Read, Marge’s Hair is Blue Pt. 10[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"Stop right there, Dad. This has gone far enough! You have to tell Mom what's going on between you and that Mindy woman!"
"But Lisa, Marge isn't suppose to know about what's going on between me and Mindy!"
"WHAT?!"
"Mindy was helping me plan a romantic picnic on the beach but the beach was dangerous and the champagne was gross but surprisingly still very drinkable."
"But what about the date you had with her at that restaurant?"
"We were picking up food for dinner tonight, but we knew the only way to keep me from eating it all the way home, was for me to eat a huge lunch at the restaurant."
"Right now, while we're strolling, Mindy is setting up a romantic picnic dinner at our house, with no wild dogs, or bums. Unless she really strays from the plan we made."
"Oh, Homer, you are such a good Valentine! Thank you!"
"I'm sorry Dad. It's just the dialogue between you and Mindy was so ... Misleading. Almost intentionally so."
"Misleading?! You're Crazy. Now, if you'll excuse me. I'm going to leave your mother"
"What?"
"And flower her. You know, give her a bouquet of leaves and flowers. What did you think I meant?"
"Grrrrr"
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"This was Wonderful, Homer. Happy Valentine's Day."
"You too, Sweetie. And since it's all take out, you don't have to clean up. We can just let the dog eat the paper plates."
