Burns, Baby Burns is a side questline that was released on August 14, 2019, as part of the Simpsons Babies 2019 Event. It requires the premium character Young Burns.
My name is Charles Montgomery Burns. I was born in the year 1881, 1890, or 1392, depending on which Wikipedia page you believe.
As a youth I cared little for material wealth, seeing as it hadn't been invented yet.
But then, one foggy day in 1883, 1892, or 1394...
Ahoy there, Grandson! I bring word of a wondrous new type of wealth. Material wealth!
I want in.
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No dialogue.
Burns, Baby Burns Pt. 2[]
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Dialogue
I soon hatched upon a scheme that would make me a millionaire by the age of six.
I drew up plans for an ingenious device known as the "Youthenizer", and threatened young Tommy Edison with a rusty knife until he agreed to invent it for me.
Once complete, I filled the youthenizing reservoir with a dram of the vigorous blood circulating through my young veins.
Now, all that remained was to wait until I was a rich old man, desperate to be young again, and sell the Youthenizer to myself for a fortune!
But I was impatient! So I went to a bank and took out a tremendous loan, using the future proceeds of the Youthenizer sale as collateral.
Suddenly I was rich - rich beyond most people's wildest dreams! But well within mine.
The next year, as soon as ice cream was invented, I rushed out to celebrate.
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No dialogue.
Burns, Baby Burns Pt. 3[]
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Even after I was rich, I wasn't one to sit around twiddling my groins.
So I spoke once more with Thomas Edison, again at knifepoint, and he told me electricity was the new thing!
Thereupon I invested in coal power, hydro power, girl power, and finally, nuclear power...
...secretly running the plant myself until I was old enough to actually run it myself.
Ah yes, I remember it well.
No, wait, I remember it poorly. But it makes sense.
I grew very old and very rich. Then, in desperation, I bought the Youthenizer from myself, paying a sum vastly higher than I'd dared imagine as a lad. It was enough to pay off the loan and turn a tremendous profit to boot!