Battle of the Brands is the main questline of the Season Premiere 2016 Event. Part one to four were released on September 21, 2016. Parts five and six were released on September 26 at 12:00 AM (GMT).
Battle of the Brands Pt. 1
Homer Take a Personal Day
100 10 New Lard Lad
Battle of the Brands Pt. 2
Make Homer Check Mail for Gift Cards
Collect Gift Cards (x12)
100 10 Moe's Brewing Co.
Battle of the Brands Pt. 3
Make Homer Buy Gift Cards as Lazy Presents
Collect Gift Cards (x12)
100 10 New Lard Lad tarp skin
Battle of the Brands Pt. 4
Make Homer Search for Donuts
Collect Gift Cards (x25)
100 10 Cinnabun
Battle of the Brands Pt. 5
Make Homer Beg for Gift Cards
Collect Gift Cards (x30)
100 10 New Lard Lad statue skin
Battle of the Brands Pt. 6
Collect Gift Cards (x36)
100 10 Springfield Bowl
Battle of the Brands Pt. 1 [ edit | edit source ]
Ah, the coffee break: the sweet spot between beer breakfast and lager lunch.
If you're looking for donuts, forget about it. Burns is on another health kick: all we got is Kombucha and kale.
No donuts?! This isn't like health insurance, you can't just take it away!
You left work and came all the way home just for donuts?!
Some men climb mountains, some explore the oceans depths; I brave traffic in search of the elusive baker's dozen of delicacies!
Oh, for the love of... Just go buy some from the Lard Lad.
The tire store?
It's a donut store!
Really?! No wonder the pink tread on my car tires wore right off.
Battle of the Brands Pt. 2 [ edit | edit source ]
Have I travelled back to a time before giant boys walked the earth?! Where's the Lard Lad statue?
Relax, folks. I'm Robert Chan, CEO of Tianjin Mining and Smelting and Donuts. I'm here with the flesh-and-blood Lard Lad to announce that we're sunsetting his likeness and rebranding with something fresh and modern.
Isn't "sunsetting" just corporate doublespeak for "killing off?"
Makeup on the old mug ain't a bad idea. Maybe I'll do some re-Moe-deling. Youse corporate suits always got good ideas up your sleeves.
Someday I'll have sleeves.
To commemorate the unveiling of our new icon, we've partnered with local businesses to offer gift cards, redeemable at all Lard Lad locations.
As a reviled member of the local business community… I'll pass.
Laird Ladd, the original Lard Lad, is now available in the store. Join him in his battle against relative obscurity and earn extra gift cards!
— System Message.
Battle of the Brands Pt. 3 [ edit | edit source ]
Since I'm flush with gift cards, this Prince of Plastic demands four dozen of your finest donuts, please.
Sorry sir, all these are only good for one donut. Our prices went up to reflect the ostentatious image of our new brand.
What the EpiPen?! A business charging more for the same product?
Maybe I should glitz up the Quimby image. A little flash might help detract from all my 'er, many broken promises.
If rap culture and the Catholic church have taught us anything, it's that nothing says "classy" like solid gold everything.
Battle of the Brands Pt. 4 [ edit | edit source ]
Must find... alternative donut. Calories dwindling... pants loosening... shirt buttons relaxing…
Apu, a dozen donuts, stat! Insert directly into this patient's donut hole.
Sorry, Mister Homer, but the health inspector was coming, so I donated my old donuts to the food bank.
Awwww! The needy get all the breaks!
Moe, I normally look to you to get fried but now I need that “fried” to be donuts.
Sorry, all I got is a pickled egg with the yolk missin'. Damn rats love my yolks!
Let the rats have their yolks. I'll find my own donuts.
Here donut-donut-donut! Come out, come out, wherever you are!
Battle of the Brands Pt. 5 [ edit | edit source ]
These new donuts are great! There's “fresh rebranded” flavor in every bite.
They're snackable, munchable, swallowable and a bunch of other “ables” that I'll make up later!
Damn my voracious donut envy! Gimme one!
Sorry sir, the price has gone up again. Just like college tuition, if something is more expensive, it makes people want it more.
As a Springfield College grad, I say that's stupid! Now gimme-gimme!!
Battle of the Brands Pt. 6 [ edit | edit source ]
You tore down my image for this?! Someone tell me where the face is on this thing so I can spit in it!
It's like a Salvador Dali [sic] sculpture gone horribly wrong.
The statue may be a melted mess but these new donuts are great. I can feel the dark donut-less cloud lifting from over my head.
That's the actual clouds, Dad. Look, the sun is coming out.
The Cronenbergian monstrosity has become a thermodynamic weapon!
Snell's bells! Refraction claims another victim, with the focused light and the BURNing!
Well, this was a bust. At least we managed to drum up business with all the hype.
Actually sir, we haven't made a single cent. Everyone's been paying with the free gift cards.
Recall those cards before Tianjin Mining and Smelting and Donuts stock plummets and we're bought out!