Battle of the Brands is the main questline of the Season Premiere 2016 Event. Part one to four were released on September 21, 2016. Parts five and six were released on September 26 at 12:00 AM (GMT).

Quest[edit | edit source]

Quest Requirements Time Reward Triggered By
Battle of the Brands Pt. 1 Make Homer Take a Personal Day 3h Cash100
Experience10
New Lard Lad
Auto
Battle of the Brands Pt. 2 Make Homer Check Mail for Gift Cards
Collect Gift Cards (x12)
3h
-
Cash100
Experience10
Moe's Brewing Co.
Auto
Battle of the Brands Pt. 3 Make Homer Buy Gift Cards as Lazy Presents
Collect Gift Cards (x12)
3h
-
Cash100
Experience10
New Lard Lad tarp skin
Auto
Battle of the Brands Pt. 4 Make Homer Search for Donuts
Collect Gift Cards (x25)
3h
-
Cash100
Experience10
Cinnabun
Auto
Battle of the Brands Pt. 5 Make Homer Beg for Gift Cards
Collect Gift Cards (x30)
3h
-
Cash100
Experience10
New Lard Lad statue skin
Auto
Battle of the Brands Pt. 6 Collect Gift Cards (x36) - Cash100
Experience10
Springfield Bowl
Auto

Dialogue[edit | edit source]

Battle of the Brands Pt. 1[edit | edit source]

Start[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Homer Dreamy Icon.png Ah, the coffee break: the sweet spot between beer breakfast and lager lunch.
Lenny Icon.png If you're looking for donuts, forget about it. Burns is on another health kick: all we got is Kombucha and kale.
Homer Furious Icon.png No donuts?! This isn't like health insurance, you can't just take it away!

End[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Marge Serious Icon.png You left work and came all the way home just for donuts?!
Homer Dreamy Icon.png Some men climb mountains, some explore the oceans depths; I brave traffic in search of the elusive baker's dozen of delicacies!
Marge Annoyed Icon.png Oh, for the love of... Just go buy some from the Lard Lad.
Homer Confused Icon.png The tire store?
Marge Icon.png It's a donut store!
Homer Icon.png Really?! No wonder the pink tread on my car tires wore right off.

Battle of the Brands Pt. 2[edit | edit source]

Start[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Homer Confused Icon.png Have I travelled back to a time before giant boys walked the earth?! Where's the Lard Lad statue?
Robert Chan Icon.png Relax, folks. I'm Robert Chan, CEO of Tianjin Mining and Smelting and Donuts. I'm here with the flesh-and-blood Lard Lad to announce that we're sunsetting his likeness and rebranding with something fresh and modern.
Lisa Nagging Icon.png Isn't "sunsetting" just corporate doublespeak for "killing off?"
Moe Icon.png Makeup on the old mug ain't a bad idea. Maybe I'll do some re-Moe-deling. Youse corporate suits always got good ideas up your sleeves.
Moe Sad Icon.png Someday I'll have sleeves.
Robert Chan Icon.png To commemorate the unveiling of our new icon, we've partnered with local businesses to offer gift cards, redeemable at all Lard Lad locations.
Moe Icon.png As a reviled member of the local business community… I'll pass.
Laird Ladd, the original Lard Lad, is now available in the store. Join him in his battle against relative obscurity and earn extra gift cards!
 
— System Message.


Battle of the Brands Pt. 3[edit | edit source]

Start[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Homer Happy Icon.png Since I'm flush with gift cards, this Prince of Plastic demands four dozen of your finest donuts, please.
Squeaky Voice Teen Icon.png Sorry sir, all these are only good for one donut. Our prices went up to reflect the ostentatious image of our new brand.
Homer Furious Icon.png What the EpiPen?! A business charging more for the same product?
Quimby Icon.png Maybe I should glitz up the Quimby image. A little flash might help detract from all my 'er, many broken promises.
Homer Icon.png If rap culture and the Catholic church have taught us anything, it's that nothing says "classy" like solid gold everything.

Battle of the Brands Pt. 4[edit | edit source]

Start[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Homer Sleepy Icon.png Must find... alternative donut. Calories dwindling... pants loosening... shirt buttons relaxing…
Homer Icon.png Apu, a dozen donuts, stat! Insert directly into this patient's donut hole.
Apu Icon.png Sorry, Mister Homer, but the health inspector was coming, so I donated my old donuts to the food bank.
Homer Sad Icon.png Awwww! The needy get all the breaks!
Homer Icon.png Moe, I normally look to you to get fried but now I need that “fried” to be donuts.
Moe Icon.png Sorry, all I got is a pickled egg with the yolk missin'. Damn rats love my yolks!
Homer Sad Icon.png Let the rats have their yolks. I'll find my own donuts.

End[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Homer Scared Icon.png Here donut-donut-donut! Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Battle of the Brands Pt. 5[edit | edit source]

Start[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Lenny Icon.png These new donuts are great! There's “fresh rebranded” flavor in every bite.
Carl Icon.png They're snackable, munchable, swallowable and a bunch of other “ables” that I'll make up later!
Homer Angry Icon.png Damn my voracious donut envy! Gimme one!
Squeaky Voice Teen Icon.png Sorry sir, the price has gone up again. Just like college tuition, if something is more expensive, it makes people want it more.
Homer Furious Icon.png As a Springfield College grad, I say that's stupid! Now gimme-gimme!!

Battle of the Brands Pt. 6[edit | edit source]

Start[edit | edit source]

Character Dialogue
Laird Ladd Surprised Icon.png You tore down my image for this?! Someone tell me where the face is on this thing so I can spit in it!
Lisa Alarmed Icon.png It's like a Salvador Dali [sic] sculpture gone horribly wrong.
Homer Mouthfull Icon.png The statue may be a melted mess but these new donuts are great. I can feel the dark donut-less cloud lifting from over my head.
Lisa Icon.png That's the actual clouds, Dad. Look, the sun is coming out.
Sideshow Mel Surprised Icon.png The Cronenbergian monstrosity has become a thermodynamic weapon!
Professor Frink Icon.png Snell's bells! Refraction claims another victim, with the focused light and the BURNing!
Robert Chan Annoyed Icon.png Well, this was a bust. At least we managed to drum up business with all the hype.
Squeaky Voice Teen Icon.png Actually sir, we haven't made a single cent. Everyone's been paying with the free gift cards.
Robert Chan Surprised Icon.png Recall those cards before Tianjin Mining and Smelting and Donuts stock plummets and we're bought out!
Mr. Burns Diabolical Icon.png Hellooo...
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